The reindeer fell out of my ass

I was able to find quite a bit of that holiday spirit I had been lacking.  I put up my tree on Saturday and put out all my decorations. And it really helped me pull the reindeer out of my ass.

My rocking horses all lined up in order by year

My new ornament collection “a pony for christmas” also in order by year

My tree with all the ornaments. So pretty.

I have opted not to hang any christmas lights outside this year, but that’s okay. It is cold and raining buckets and frankly I have no desire to scamper my happy ass across the roof.

Yeah for the holidays!

P.S. I met a boy who makes me smile :)

Where do I find this holiday spirit?

I just can’t seem to find the holiday spirit.  Usually I have my tree up right after Thanksgiving and I am outside freezing my ass off hanging lights on my roof.  I usually love pulling out all my decorations and setting them up around the house.  Unwrapping each ornament and remembering why I love it so much.  I collect rocking horse ornaments and I have a series that spans 16 years. When I pull them out of the ornament tote, I carefully line them up in order of year, until all 16 are displayed.  Then I evenly hang them on the tree.

I am not religious and I only celebrate Christmas secularly, as a time when my family gets together and laugh and just have a great time. My mother loves to decorate and has decorations for every single holiday and I am my mother’s daughter.  I usually love everything about this time of year.  I love the lights on the houses lighting up the cold nights. The smell of holiday goodies baking.  Getting together with friends from out of town who I haven’t seen all year.

This year, it is two weeks before Christmas and I don’t have a SINGLE decoration up. Nothing, nada, zilch. 

Part of the reason is because after 3 years, I am single this Christmas. I don’t have someone special I am shopping for.  I don’t have someone to share all the memories with of decorating the tree and hanging lights.  I am not out hunting for the “perfect gift”. The gift that once purchased I would be so excited for him to open and hardly be able to wait until Christmas day.

Even if I had someone special to shop for, I have no extra money to really be shopping with. At work we are required to take furloughs (mandatory unpaid days off). My budget was already tight and with the cut in pay it has just made it even tighter. I can pay all my bills, I just don’t have a lot of extra spending. Okay I don’t have any extra spending money.

But this weekend I am determined to get into the holiday spirit! I WILL put up my tree and depending on the weather I WILL hang my Christmas lights.  I am going to fake it until I feel that holiday spirit tingle!

What doesn’t kill me only makes me stronger…

Online dating might actually end up killing me though!

Online dating is brutal and your self esteem takes a serious beating.  You start to feel hopeful and excited by new potential boys and dates…then those hopes and excitement are crushed.  By the time I make it through this, I will have the toughest skin and be the bluntest person ever.

I send out winks or messages and sometimes I get a “polite no” and I wonder: do they not like me because of how I look? or because I am liberal? or maybe they don’t like dogs, in which case we wouldn’t work out anyway!  And some people simple don’t respond or acknowledge me at all (rude much)  Then there are the ones you start to email/chat with and you seem to have a good connection.  We set up a time to meet, we go on a date, the date seems to have gone great, we chat some more after date, then…

1. Suddenly the guy just stops writing back. (Um, what? If the date was horrible or he wasn’t interested then why continue to email/text back and forth with me afterwards and then just poof, nothing)

2. We hit it off, discuss going on another date and then you get a text saying “Hey I really did have a good time on our date, but I also went on a date with someone else before our date and we hit it off. I am going to give it a go. I wish you the best of luck in your search”
*I really appreciate that he manned up and was willing to tell me. And I hope it works out for them, because this online dating blows!

I have also encountered the guy who is chatting to multiple ladies (hey, I don’t judge, I am trying to talk to several guys), but he can’t seem to keep us straight.  Dude, seriously, keep better track of us.  Also, I am not interested in a booty call.

This is an actual message I received:

Hey There

Been lil bored how bout you. Maybe something casual, rip one fool around a bit. Take Care if not

Um, really? Does that actually work? And WHAT in my profile gives the impression that I would be interested in that?

Sigh, there has to be someone out there somewhere. I will just look at it like trying to find a job. For every 20 applications I submit I get 1 interview and for every 10 interviews I get a job offer.  So using this theory I only have 1,123,973 more applications to go…

Photo Journey of my trip to Georgia

My friend Amber and I traveled to Georgia for our other friend, Kristin’s wedding.

The red pillows were my FAVORITE!           View out the window from my bed.

DANGER = mini fridge                                Better view outside out hotel window.

We arrived at out hotel after a long red eye flight. Arriving in Atlanta around 9:30am, that is 6:30am for my West Coast brain/body.  we stayed at Loews**, it was amazing!

We opted out of taking a nap as we were hopped up on caffeine and ready to get exploring.

Oh yeah, off to be a tourist on only 3ish hours of plane sleep!

Total tourists that we were, we hit up CNN, the Aquarium, Turner Field, and looked at the outside of the Coca Cola museum.

The world inside CNN                        Nothing says morning like CNN coffee

we searched for Anderson, but he’s in NYC. But then we found Larry ;)

After our behind the scenes CNN tour it was off to the Aquarium.

                    
True love                                                       I see penguins

 
Crawling through the penguin tunnel

Now we were off to Turner Field. Amber is a big Braves fan. I am not into baseball so much, but I was down for the ride.

Turner field. While there I realized it was named after Ted Turner who basically owns all of Georgia. He started CNN, owned the Braves, started TBS (Turner Broadcasting System) which is why it always shows the Braves games…

At the Braves store:

Amber tries on a jersey and I pick my nose…

We crashed hard that night.  And the next morning began the real reason we went to Georgia in the first place – KRISTIN’S WEDDING! It was casual and laid back and low stress, with just family and a few friends. But mostly, it was perfect.

 
Lunch before the Big Event that evening.

Starting the hair.                              Final touches and in the dress.

 
The super yummy cakes decorated by moi. Did I mention they were super yummy?!

             
The Bride before the “I Do’s”                          Happily Ever After!

I had a great time in Georgia and I can’t wait to go back.  It was my first trip anywhere in the South.  Next time I plan to stick around for more than a weekend. There is so much I didn’t get to see and do and eat!

P.S. I don’t think I took one serious photo the entire trip!

**Loew’s was an Amazing hotel. And I recommend staying there. The staff was helpful and friendly. I know I plan to stay there again.  And this is all my personal opinion.

Tag I’m it, wait no, you’re it!

I was tagged by my name twin, E over at Life of a Single engaged girl.  She answered 8 questions and then tagged some other bloggers with 8 questions of her own.  So, here are my answers to her questions and then I came up with 8 of my own and tagged some other lovely bloggers…

1. If you could pick one song that describes your life what would it be?

*Leona Lewis – Better In Time

As we know, I recently ended an almost 3 year relationship. I relate to this song because it acknowledges how much it hurts, but that ultimately I will smile and be happy again because I deserve to.

2. Your first kiss: Fairytale or tragedy?

Fairytale. Sigh. I was 15 almost 16 and the boy and I had been really good friends for about a year and I had a RAGING crush on him. Then one day after school we were hanging out at my house watching TV. I was eating saltines and he wanted one. I refused to share so he tackled me on the couch as I tried to run away with MY crackers. It was like in the movies, we were laughing so hard, I was almost crying. I took a deep breath trying to catch my breath after laughing and looked up. Our eyes caught and we both stopped laughing and he leaned in and kissed me nice and good J

We dated for 4 ½ years, through high school and into college.

(writing this just made my heart smile, remembering how exciting it was and how happy and special I felt)

3. If you were given a year in which you could do absolutely anything you wanted to do (money is no object) what would it be?

I will say travel. But I think I would travel to mostly Spanish speaking countries so that I could work on building my confidence in speaking Spanish. I love to travel and see different cultures and customs.

4. What is your favorite mistake and why?

Geez, I really have no idea.  I haven’t made any HUGE mistakes, but I have had the regular ol’ trial and error mishaps that made me the person I am today.

5. The craziest thing you've ever found in your car that perhaps wasn't yours?

There is always something interesting to be found in my car (I am not all that great about keeping my car clean…oops). I have found CDs I thought long lost, a single shoe, several mismatched socks, sweaters, and even a pair of pants (why am I disrobing in my car?). There is constantly dog hair and empty coffee cups. Old mail too but that usually gets removed after a day or two because I remember I need something out of the mail I tossed in the back seat. I currently have a pillow (this is starting to sound like I am homeless) and painting supplies in the back. Nothing in there surprises me anymore and it is always mine.

6. What is the best gift you've ever received?

Well the kiss mentioned earlier happened a week before my 16^th birthday so that was a pretty good gift. But I would have to say my bocky bocky was the best gift. I must have only be about 2 ½ and Christmas morning I run out to see what Santa has left me under the tree. There in all its amazing glory was my bocky bocky. One of those bouncy rocking horses. There was a blow up Santa sitting on it and my dad likes to remind me that I ran up chanting bocky bocky (hey, I was little, screaming ROCKING HORSE was a little outside my vocabulary so instead I called it bocky bocky, kind of like rocky rocky), grabbed Santa by his arm and flung his ass across the room so that *I* could ride my bocky bocky. This may have been the moment my love affair with horses started.

 
*please forgive the picture quality, my scanner was being a snatch so these are pictures of pictures.

7. As a kid your favorite thing to do/play was?

Well besides riding the bocky bocky…Riding my big wheel or bike around the neighborhood. There were also horses down the road so I would go feed them apples and try and get them close enough so I could pet them

8. Answer the following question: If I didn't blog I'd probably ____________.

Need a lot more therapy. Blog helps get it all out before it explodes inside. The good, the bad, and the ugly!

P.S. I found this picture while looking for my bocky bocky pictures,  of my mom when she was MY age while pregnant with ME!

Now for my 8 questions:

1. If  you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be and why?
2. What is your all time favorite picture of you and can we see it?
3. What is one thing you know you should throw away but probably never will?
4. What is one of your biggest regrets? (yeah I know, everything happens for a reason, but still what is something you wish you had done differently?)
5. What was your first IM/Screen Name/Email account name and why did you pick it? (I really hope it was something completely cheesy!)
6. What is the oddest inanimate object you have been caught talking to?
7. What thought or message would you put in a fortune cookie?
8. Why did you start blogging?

And these lovelies have been tagged:

* Lin @ Linny’s Vault
* Gabby @ gabby, she wrote
* Sunshinemeg @ Float On
* Smart Ass Sara @ Sara’s Organized Chaos
* My Little Becky @ I’ll go eat worms

It’s never good when your phone rings before you’re even dressed for work in the morning.

Ring. Ring. (okay my phone really doesn’t make a ringing sound, but whatever)

Me: Hello?

Dad: Did I wake you up?
*no but it is only 6:45am so I haven’t spoken to anyone yet, the voice is a little scratchy

Me: No
*a little concerned that my dad is calling me so early in the morning.

Dad: Your mom and I are in the ER with Sam (my middle brother).

Me: WHAT?!

Dad: He crashed his bike and broke his ankle.

I head to the ER to see the damage. Apparently Sam misjudged a curb and crashed his bike and ended up dislocating his ankle and breaking it in two places. The dislocation and breakage also were cutting off a major blood supply to his foot.

Some back story: Sam is chef at a local higher end restaurant. He is an amazing cook and can create dishes from almost anything. I on the other hand can microwave the hell out of a frozen dinner. He works late, usually getting done with work after midnight. He also likes to ride his bike to and from work (he’s kind of hippie like that and also likes the exercise).

The night of the incident Sam and a co-worker were celebrating Sam’s promotion to sauté chef. They had a couple beers at the restaurant and then they decided to head to one of the bars in the area for another drink or two. At the bar Sam and companion have another drink and decide to hit up one last bar before last call. Now I also want to mention that Sam was not wasted, he had had about 4 drinks in the span of several hours, but he was feeling good. Between the first bar and the second is when the accident occurred.

He was riding his bike in the street and wanted to move onto the sidewalk. There was a driveway up ahead and Sam attempted to move onto the sidewalk there. He isn’t sure if there was a bigger lip in the driveway or what exactly happened, but somehow his bike didn’t make it and Sam and bike went boom. And Sam’s ankle went crack! This was a little before 3 am.

When I arrived at the ER Sam was one some serious pain killers and was feeling pretty good. He was cracking jokes and talking about how the whole family should go get Thai food that night. He kept asking for water because his mouth was like the Sahara (a little alcohol dehydration and lot of pain killer cotton mouth). Once it was determined that he would not have surgery on his ankle that day he was allowed some water. When his water was empty he attempted to slyly swipe our mom’s coffee, she just laughed at him because her coffee is just coffee and cream, no sugar. Sam likes his coffee sweet, his expression was hilarious.

My other brother Alex had come to see Sam around 5am and I guess when he got there he looks at Sam’s ankles and says, “Which one did you break? They are both pretty fat.” Sam’s broken ankle was the size of a grapefruit. See how my family is…

Of course when I got there I started taking pictures! And you’re welcome.


They were splinting his leg to take him for more scans

*when they were rolling him back to the room after his scans he stuck his hand out to get high fives from all the nurses at the nurses station.  A couple of the nurses left him hanging, but it was funny!


He really enjoyed me taking photos

 
Chatting on the phone with his wife, while wearing our dad’s hat he swiped a few minutes before.

His ankle is going to require surgery so they can stabilize it with steel plates and screws. He is in a lot agony now that the hospital pain killer has worn off, but the Percocet is helping a little. He meets with the surgeon today to schedule the surgery. We are all hoping Sam won’t be laid up too long because, well, his job requires him to be on his feet.

Please send good thoughts for his speedy recovery!

All about me

I haven’t blogged in awhile because I don’t want to have post after post after post about how sad I am or how much my heart hurts or how angry and disappointed I am.  Because those are all the things I am feeling.

But…

I am also feeling relieved, like I am on the brink of starting something new and exciting and hopefully life altering.  I am no longer waiting on Mike to make a decision so I can go forward. So I can make future plans.  I don’t have to think about anyone else or how they will play into my future.

I am excited to start this new chapter in my life and the idea of finding someone who will be my companion on this crazy journey of mine.

Plus, think of all the great blogging material I will have when I reenter the dating world. Hello!

There are moments where the loneliness creeps in along with the doubt and anger.  These are the moments I realize I am not quite ready to jump into the dark unknown waters of the dating world just yet.  But these moments are getting fewer and farther between.  And my amazing friends never let me be lonely for long.

I have also been taking care of me.  Eating better, doing things I love – going to movies, knitting, reading, etc.  I am rediscovering me, the single me.  And I remember how much I like me and how awesome I am.

Paint colors have been running through my  head for the various rooms in my house.  I am sick of looking at the white walls.  My house needs some personality. I want to make it my own, put my stamp on it.  And that is just what I am going to do.  I plan to turn my second bedroom into a room for relaxing and reading and if friends come to visit a place where they can sleep.  As of right now this is kind of my room for stuff I am not sure where to put.

I am hunkering down and settling in, because the next guy in my life is going to have to make an effort to be in my life.  I am not going to be the only one making the effort.