boys and their caulk

Mike has decided to get his house ready for an appraisal to refinance. Sweet, cool, whatevs.

Wait, did I mention that this means he is now replacing ALL his baseboards and door frames so they match his new window frames? And painting several rooms in his house. Including the kitchen and that means the cupboard doors and drawers too! And THAT means I "get" to help.

I am a little less thrilled about this now. And seeing the hallway and kitchen with out door frames and without baseboards makes me more than a little nervous. The "boys", Mike and his buddy Little Jon, are notorious for having genius ideas and starting projects, but for whatever reason they never quite get completed. All I know is there better be baseboards and door frames up throughout the house by the end of the week. Little Jon says by Thursday, but I will be generous and give him through the weekend to finish.

Also, do you even know how many cock jokes they make while talking about caulking? I was in the back room feeding my cat, Maggie, which of course means I was talking and singing to her and LJ is outside the window (the open window) and he says to me, "Hey, you're talking to your pussy and I am playing with caulk." Then he giggled like a schoolboy. Boys are D-U-M dumb!

And to top off my "excitement" about these projects my project karma decided to teach me a lesson for being such a doubter. As I was trying to open the 5 gallon paint bucket I nearly ripped off my right pointer finger nail. And yes, it hurt like a mother and I am sure the cats learned some very choice words. There is quite the bruise under my fingernail now and it may turn into a blood blister and need to be drained...I am soooo lucky.

Keep your fingers crossed that everything is completed quickly and the house is returned to normal!

I hate being a grown up

What do you do when you realize your boyfriend will never marry you? How much time do you give it to see if he will decide that you are the one he wants to be with?

As hard as it is to admit, today I came to the realization that Mike most likely won't marry me. I don't think he will marry anyone. And it hurts to know that somehow I am not enough or what he is really looking for.

We have been together a little over a year and he still can't tell me if he can see himself married to me or having a family with me. He says he loves me and we seem happy. But lately I have begun to wonder...am I wasting my time?

I know that sounds harsh, but I DO want to get married and have children and create a family. And if that is not going to happen with Mike, then I need to figure out what my next step is.

I feel like I am in this constant state of limbo. I am not quite sure where I fall into the grand scheme of things. I live in his house and there is no vested interest for me here. It is not my home, it's his and he lets me stay...for now.

Maybe Mike doesn't want to get married and have kids because he is too busy being a big kid himself and doesn't want to deal with the responsibilities and obligations that come with being married and having a family. Maybe he wants to stay a "Toys R Us Kid".

It just sucks all around. I feel stuck. I love him and want to be with him, but if he doesn't see a long term future together, then I need to move on. I am stagnating in this world of "well maybe".

So...what you're saying is...you want a blizzard

As I sat watching the end of the news, I decided that I wanted a Blizzard from Dairy Queen. My intent was to just make a quick trip to Dairy Queen and be back in time to watch Jeopardy. Instead, actually making it out the door took longer than the drive to Dairy Queen and back. Jeopardy had already started by the time I got back.

Me: Hey, Mike, where is the closest Dairy Queen?
Mike: Why do you want to go to Dairy Queen?
Me: Because I want a blizzard.
Mike: Oh. Goes back to playing WoW
Me: still looks at him expectantly…nothing

Me (several minutes later): screw this; I will look it up myself (mumbled to myself)

Several more minutes pass as I search online for the nearest Dairy Queen.

Me: Hey, I am going to Dairy Queen.
Mike: What? Why?
Me: Beeecause, I WANT a blizzard (didn’t we just have this conversation?)
Mike: Oh. Well, I kind of wanted to go with you.
Me: Yeah, that’s not really possible because you are playing your game.
Mike: Yeah. Goes back to playing WoW
Me: looks at Mike thinking, HELLO!
Me: So, do you want anything?
Mike: Oh, yeah, I think I want their #1 blah blah blah…are you getting a meal?
Me: Nooo, I want a blizzard (again, didn’t we just have this conversation?)
Mike: Alright, then I will just get a blizzard.
Me: What kind of blizzard?
Mike: Hmm, Reese’s Peanut Butter or maybe….thinking
Me: raises eyebrow and tries to wait patiently
Mike: I think I want a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup and Mint Oreo.
Me: Those are two different blizzards.
Mike: Can’t you mix them?
Me: Um…no.
Mike: Well, what kind are you getting?
Me: I am not sure yet, but I am thinking of a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup.
Mike: I don’t trust the look on his face: Well what if you get that one and I get the mint oreo one and we trade off?
Me: Well I am not sure if that is the blizzard I want, I wanted to look and see what other kinds there where when I got there. And I think they have a new one I might want to try.
Mike: Alright, just get me a Reese’s Peanut Butter one.
Me: Okay, sounds good. I will be back. Grabs purse and keys and leaves quickly.

30 minutes after I started this conversation I was home and had my blizzard.

Life is like a garage full of crap, you never know what you're gonna get

In November I moved into my boyfriend's house. Before that I was living with my two friends Amber and Beth (they are sisters, but that isn't relevant to the story, it's just a fun fact). And before that I lived with my best friend Jen.

Jen and I lived together for about 7 years, all through college where we met and then once we moved back here we lived together 2 more years. We lived well together, we got along great, it worked out fabulously. Most of what we owned was owned jointly (even our crazy pets) and when the time came for us to go our separate ways, her because she was moving in with her fiance and me because, well, she was moving in with her fiance, we decided who got what based on who needed it, more or less. Brad had a lot of stuff Jen and I had so I ended up with a lot of the household items, dishes, furniture, decorative pieces, washing machine and dryer, etc. We knew Jen was going to move in with Brad but my decision to live with Amber and Beth was a pretty last minute decision.

Our lease was up the first week of May so, that last week we moved Jen to Brad's and me to Amber and Beth's. It was almost like a divorce except we didn't hate the other person and we weren't married, but whatevs. A lot of the stuff I got was not needed at Amber and Beth's because they already had it, dishes, furniture, decorations, washing machine and dryer, blah blah blah. So most of my things stayed packed up and in the garage, except my bedroom furniture and clothes. The garage was huge so it was no big deal to store my stuff there and since we didn't know how long I would be living there, there was no point in getting rid of anything.

Six months rolls by and at this point I am hardly ever at home because I am always over at Mike's house anyway. Living with Amber and Beth was easy, I got along with both of them...of course that could be because I was hardly ever there...and in November their lease was up. They needed to know if I was going to continue to live there and they wanted to change to a month to month lease instead of the six month they had before. I talked things over with Mike and we decided it just made more sense for me to move in with him since I was there all the time anyway and I was basically paying rent so my cats had a place to live and my stuff had a place to stay.

Once again I packed up my bedroom and clothes and move that over to Mike's. At the time, Mike had another friend, Little Jon, living with him as well and Little Jon had his shop out in the garage. There was no room for most of my things and again Mike had most of the items I had stored at Amber and Beth's, dishes, furniture (total boy furniture, blech), washing machine and dryer. I did unpack some items that had been stored at Amber and Beth's: dishes, decorations and furniture like bookcases, you know, for books, side tables, and blankets and towels.

*I am not sure why boys don't ever seem to have decent towels or blankets or shower curtains or bathmats and usually lack any kind of wall decor. It is safe to say, you can now tell Mike lives with a woman, even though there is not an ounce of pink anywhere and no doilies. But there is ALWAYS toilet paper on the roll, clean dishes in the cupboard, and candles that make things smell nice.

Since Little Jon was living there and taking up the garage with his crap, I decided to leave a lot of my boxed up belongs at Amber and Beth's. It was cheaper than renting a storage unit, their garage was huge and most importantly, they didn't care.

The other day I got a message from Amber telling me that Beth is movingback to Reno at the end of the month and she, Amber will be moving into an apartment at the end of the month. And of course this meant that I need to get my stuff out of their garage. Little Jon is no longer living here and he has moved his shop out of Mike's garage. There is more room but there is still a lot of random crap out there.

This weekend Mike and I tackled the garage with the intent of getting rid of a lot of stuff. He had boxes in the garage that he had packed two moves ago. He has moved twice since he originally packed those boxes and hasn't ever opened them, he has also lived in this house for 2.5 years. That should tell you how much he really needs some of the stuff he has out in the garage. There are also boxes full of paper that needs to be sorted into recycling and shredding.

We were out there for several hours and accomplished a lot. We got rid of a whole truckload of useless shit and there is almost enough room now to park two cars in the garage where before you couldn't even get one in there. The box of bathroom stuff had vitamins that expired 12/99. Needless to say this was an OLD box. There is a large pile of stuff that needs to be taken to the dump, once that is cleared out, the garage is basically organized. And next weekend we can move all my stuff from Amber and Beth's garage into Mike's.

Some of the highlights of the day were:
*Snow...seriously, wtf? It hardly snows here during the deepest part of winter and we are in freaking MARCH!
*The box full of bathroom stuff, including lotion that obviously belonged to a girl, thermasilk hair spray and hair bleach (I am not blond and I have never been blond...). There was also an unopened men's shaving cream.
*The Maxim calender from 2005


*And....wait for it, wait for it...a pair of women's panites. AH HA HA HA! They were not my panties, mine are way cuter! Mike was a little embarrassed and quickly tossed them in the trash. But don't worry, I fished them out just for this photo op :)





Yeah, they both got trashed.

Shhh, Mike doesn't know I snapped some photos when he went inside for a break and he knows I blog, but hasn't found it yet ;)

Karma is a bigger bitch than I could ever be.

Mailing a package you have been meaning to mail for months: $11.06

Buying new tires for your car: $599.00

Seeing the whore's, who fucked your boyfriend, car completely smashed up one year to the day of catching them in the act: PRICELESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Karma, gotta love her!

As I drove to Les Schwab to get new tires I glanced down the street where Whoreface works (okay, okay, I glance down this street every time I drive by it, which would be everyday whenever I go ANYWHERE). And what do I see? I see a police car with its lights flashing and two cars parked on the side of the road where I know Whoreface parks everyday for work, and a gaggle of people standing around.

Apparently a guy in a big truck somehow smashed into the back of the Mazda3 hatchback and hit it with such force that the back window completely shattered and shove that car into the back of Whoreface's precious Acura RSX (can someone please explain to me why the smallest cars are always driven by the fattest people? I mean really, I'm fat and I know I shouldn't be trying to stuff my big booty into a teeny tiny sportscar).

I drop my car off at Les Schwab to get new tires, hop into Mike's Xterra and tell him about the police cars. I convince him to circle the parking lot twice to try and get a better view of the damage without being noticed by the troll aka Whoreface. I was just barely able to make out that the Mazda had in fact hit her car.

Then as we were leaving the parking lot we had to drive by the do it yourself carwash. There are 3 police cars there, all blocking in the aforementioned truck. His bumper was all mangled and had fallen off and he was in the process of being arrested. He did not chose his "hiding" place very well.

I chuckled every time I thought about it. Well an hour goes by and Les Schwab calls to tell me my car is finished. Mike and I head over to pick it up and decide to come the back way and drive down the street Whoreface just happens to work on and just happens to be where her car was hit...At this point everyone has gone back inside, the police cars have left and the totaled Mazda has been towed away, but there is Whoreface's car. The back end all smashed in, her vanity plate (DVN MSM, barf!) all crumpled and hanging off. AH HA HA HA HA! After Mike drops me off and I pay for my new tires I decide to drive by one more time, I just want one more good laugh and that is when I see the flatbed tow truck. Her car was hit so hard it had to be TOWED!

So to fully understand my sheer utter delirium over this tragic event, there is some background info regarding my relationship with Mike.

Our road has not always been smooth and easy. We have hit some serious potholes and gone the wrong way on a one way street. When we first started dating neither of us was really looking for anything serious, we just wanted someone fun to hang out with and have a good time with. In fact we were both dating other people as well. Cool, whatever, neither of us had made a commitment to the other one.

Right before Christmas I told him I was interested in seeing only him and him only seeing me. I knew about Whoreface and I was getting ready to end things with the other guy I was seeing. Well mid January rolls around and I ask Mike about everything and he tells me he has thought about it and wants to just date me too and is going to break things off with Whoreface. Well it turns out this wasn't quite the case.

February rolls around and I am just not feeling good vibes about Mike and Whoreface and them really being "over". Something was just off. One night I turn to my best friend and roommate at the time and tell her something is wrong and I just have to go Mike's, it's almost 11pm on a work night. The whole way over I am praying I am just crazy and making myself paranoid, but I turn the corner and there is Whoreface's car in the driveway. It was a crushing blow. After talking to Jen I calm down enough to call Mike, I left a few choice words on his voicemail. He eventually calls me back and after a long emotional conversation he finally admits to sleeping with her.

I am not one of those women who only blames the other woman. Mike is grown adult and just as much, if not more so, at fault for what happened. And I know Mike was lying to her about his relationship with me so I blame him for this incident. He wanted his cake and to eat it too.

Whoreface and I talked and cleared some things up between the two of us and what was really going on. She said some hurtful things to me and I landed some low blows of my own and eventually we both realized Mike was the real asshole in the equation.

Drama drama drama...I end things with Mike.

Some time passes and Mike and I start talking again and decide to give it another try and we both make it clear from the beginning this time that we are only seeing each other. This is when Whoreface becomes Whoreface. Oh and I feel it is important to say that Mike feels the need to be friends with everyone he has ever slept with or at least be on semi decent terms with everyone, great, fine, whatever, sometimes you just have to cut people out, unless you are Mr. Nice Guy Who Wants Everyone To Like Me Mike. This also means that Mike won't simply tell Whoreface to FUCK OFF.

She now knows that Mike and I are back on and this is when the sneaky manipulative girl that lives in all of us rears her ugly head. She starts to send him text messages...all while she is drunk of course and "I can't remember what I did last night" or she sends him links in his email that she "just knew he would think were hilarious". When he responds to these and engages her, she takes these as signs of encouragement. She starts talking to him more regularly on IM and is quite flirty and Mike being Mike is flirty back. She starts to send more and more inappropriate texts "my boobs miss you" and actual photos of her boobs (of course she claims to not remember sending these because she was drinking...bitch please, we all know your game, well everyone except the gullible guy who naively thinks he is smarter and sneakier and trickier than women). The last straw for me was when she sent him a whole crapload of racy photos of herself in lingerie she had professionally done...it is also important to keep in mind that she is maybe 5'2" on a tall day and pushing easily 275 lbs, she ain't a little girl.

Mike and I had several all out fights regarding her and his continued engagement and communication with her. Finally he simply stopped responding to her texts and emails and IMs and surprise surprise we haven't heard from her in awhile. And to give Mike credit, he really did shape up when we decided to give it another try, he does his best to reassure me and not add to my insecurities. We now live together and he tells me he loves everyday. I believe he is committed to me and this relationship, hell, he is introducing me to his mother tomorrow (gulp). He messed up and he messed up big time and he knows this. He also knows that this is his one big mistake, he doesn't get more do overs. And Whoreface is just a sore loser, she did all of that because she didn't win and if she couldn't be happy then she would try and make everyone else miserable too.

So, today on the one year anniversary (it is a curse at times to remember numbers and dates so well) of catching Mike and Whoreface, it gaves me immense joy to see her precious car all smashed up.

Thank you, Karma, you are the biggest bitch around. And I swear, I always return my cart at the grocery store!

VD is not just for Venereal Disease

I had one of the best Valentine's Day I can remember in a long time.

Saturday morning I wake up slowly without an alarm, score! Mike makes us eggs and coffee...yum, I love coffee. He then decides I must watch Goodfellas as I have never seen it and we have been on a Sopranos kick and apparently it is essential that I also see Goodfellas. I decide to kill two birds with one stone and fold laundry as I watch the movie. Suddenly Shadow starts barking insanely and the doorbell rings, I have no idea what is going on. Mike answers the door, I hear him talking to the person at the door but I can't make out what they are saying and as he is coming back into the room he tells me to close my eyes. Now, I know he is up to something. I hear him walk back into the room and he tells me to open my eyes. In his hands is a beautiful bouquet of flowers, red roses and white lilies!

At one point during the movie Mike gets up to go in the bedroom for a sec and we pause the movie, I take this opportunity to run into the garage to get another load of laundry from the dryer because my current load is almost completely folded. I settle back in with my new load of laundry and we resume watching Goodfellas. I fold a few items and I reach into the basket for another shirt and I see a red jewelry box hidden in the clothes. When I open the box there is heart shaped pendant necklace with pink sapphires, diamonds, and smokey diamonds. I am so surprised. I really was not expecting anything besides dinner and maybe flowers for Valentine's Day.

Later that day we go to DSW because Mike needs a new pair of shoes. Well I obviously have no interest in mens shoes so I head off to the clearance room. Yes, DSW has a room for just their clearance shoes. I walked into the room and angels started blowing trumpets, the room was bathed in golden light, hallelujah...shoes from floor to ceiling from wall to wall. I have died and gone to heaven and they are all 40-70% off their sale price!

I instantly remove my shoes and start to try several pairs on. I fall in love with 3 pairs and I am trying to decide how to pick a pair I want the most when Mike comes to find me. He jokingly tells me my 10 minutes are up and he needs me to help him pick out shoes. He sees me looking longingly at the shoes. He tells to grab all three, he is going to buy them for me, it is an extended Valentine's gift. Sigh, I knew there was a reason I loved him!

After we left the shoe store it was off to lunch and sushi was on the menu. Oh, and Mike got a pair of black sketchers. Mike and I went on our first date at Sushi Domo so, sushi is kind of our thing. It was yummy and delicious and we ate raw fish to our hearts' content!

We also went shopping at Bed, Bath and Beyond where we bought new sheets for the bed and just spent the afternoon together (that's how you know you are getting old...buying new sheets is exciting). To top the night off we went to a romantic Valentine's dinner at Mazzi's. The food was fantastic, the atmosphere was cozy and romantic, we chatted and laughed and ate until we couldn't breathe.

The day exceeded my expectations. I am so grateful that Mike made the effort to make the day special for me. I simply wanted some acknowledgement of the day, but he did more than simply acknowledge it. It was a great day and the best part was not the gifts I received or the food I ate, but that we spent the day together.

Of course that night I gave Mike his Valentine's gift and made him my Valentine ;) You will just have to use your imagination for that, you pervs!

LJ is the bane of my existence

I am bored to tears at work today. I feel like it is the same old thing over and over again. Sometimes the OVPs are interesting, but today I can find little motivation to actually do any work.

Mike is in New York all week and I need to start moving my stuff. All I keep thinking about today is how much crap I have to do. I need to make a GoodWill run, I need to take stuff to the computer recycling, I need to pack up my books so that my bookshelves can be moved.

And I am tired. I slept terribly. Partly because Mike was gone and I have gotten used to sleeping with him there but also because Little John left around midnight and Shadow went crazy and woke me up.

I don't understand Little John, except I do understand he is depressed. He literally sleeps all day. Once he wakes up he eats a little something (usually creating a huge mess in the kitchen I have just cleaned). Then he flips on the TV and proceeds to watch cartoons for several hours. Finally between 10:30 and midnight he will get around to going out. He then proceeds to head out....who knows where or with what money and doesn't come home until 4-5am in the morning.

He isn't working, although sometimes he says he does have jobs lined up. Now his truck is supposed to repossessed today if he can't come up with the $800 he owes. I think his mom or dad will bail him out and he will miraculously get to keep his truck.

He never has any money to pay rent. Yet he always has money to go out, wherever it is that he goes. He has money to put gas in his gas guzzling truck.

While Mike is gone it is weird to be alone with Little John. I don't feel all that safe around him and I have nothing to talk to him about. I don't do drugs and I am not a huge cartoon fan.

Yesterday I spent all day cleaning out the spare room at Mike's and preparing to paint. I painted for several hours, all the while trying to be quiet as I painted the wall that is shared with Little John's room, trying to be respectful of the fact that he was sleeping (Of course it was about 3pm at this point). I took a break about 5:45 to go over to my parents' house for dinner, LJ was still sleeping.

After dinner I head back to Mike's, I only have one coat of paint left and then I am all done paintine, yea! I get there about 7:30 and there is LJ sitting on the couch, watching cartoons. I figured whatever, I will just go finish painting.

I got done just before 9pm and I was excited because after everything I had done that day I was looking forward to watching Desperate Housewives which was on at 9pm. I didn't get to watch DH because LJ was now watching Futurama...a freaking cartoon.

Fine, whatever, at least I recorded it. I decide to just go read in the bedroom. First I go into the kitchen for glass of water and realize that LJ has fried a hamburger patty and in the process splattered all over the counter and left his dirty dishes all over the place.

I am just so fed up with him. Mike has asked him to finish the windows, they need to be caulked, inside and out. Last night LJ tells me that it irritates him that Mike thinks he doesn't have anything else to do and wants the windows done immediately. Uh, HELLO! you don't do anything else except sit around, oh, I mean sleep. He paid you for the windows a long time ago and part of the job includes caulking the windows!

It is just frustrating.

I make Shadow and Jackie both sleep with me at night because LJ makes me feel uncomfortable. I could stay at my place, but I don't want to leave the dogs alone with him.

And what do I want to do to help myself feel better....EAT! Gah. I am back on track and tracking points again this week after taking a little hiatus, that did nothing to help my weight loss. I need to stay focused and not let little things get to me.