A Dude

Dear A Dude,

I find your anonymity interesting because you felt the need to comment on my blog, knowing that what you posted could be controversial and could possibly hit a nerve. And instead of owning your comment you chose to use the name “A Dude” and didn’t link back to anything. Maybe you simply don’t have a blog to link back to, in which case why would you chose to not even leave a name. If there is no link, how am I supposed to know this John from that one.

While E and Perkster are not my real names, they are both nicknames that I go by. I also don’t think that it is any secret that my real name is Erica. But while E and Perkster are not my real name, I also own my blog and what is in it. I owned the words I chose to write and I am willing to defend what I wrote because it is something that I feel strongly about. I don’t leave anonymous comments on others blogs. I own my comments, the good and the bad.

I wrote my blog because I wanted to vent my feelings on being labeled as something I am not. And as I stated numerous times, I do not believe this woman meant any insult, but I was still insulted. And I am allowed to feel the way I do, especially as a member of a group that is marginalized in society. I also do bring it to people’s attention when I feel the time and place are appropriate. Did I feel it was appropriate to call this woman out on referring to me as a girl in passing in the work place? No. So I picked my blog as my outlet.

Gender equality is something I am very passionate about. And gender inequality should not be passed on from one member of the group to another. While the incident with my co-worker was not intended to be insulting or demeaning, I used it in my blog because it was an example of how pervasive this type of language is and how blindly we throw out labels without thinking what that label really implies. Was there a deeper meaning in what this woman called me? No. But eventually I am called a girl one too many times or I am referred to as guy all day long and I just can’t remain silent for another moment. Language seeps into our subconscious and we attach meaning and definitions to words we hear and when we hear terms like girl when referring to a grown adult female, subconsciously we are labeling her as less than in regards to her male counterpart who is referred to as a man.

Do you truly not see the difference in the implications of being called a Tomboy vs being called a Sissy? Do you not see how the term used for a boy showing ‘feminine’ qualities is offensive, while the term for a girl showing ‘masculine’ qualities is not inherently offensive? What is wrong with boys and men showing softness, gentleness, compassion and vulnerability? And how does this make them less of a man? I believe that men and women are made up of both masculine and feminine parts and society is what has determined which is more acceptable for those with penises and those with vaginas. Doesn’t tapping into these different aspects make us more well rounded people? Why then is the feminine aspect spurned and degraded when expressed by those who are male?

In response to your question:
“If the majority of people don’t consider the language oppressive, but you do, does that say more about you or more about them?”
I will tell you what it says about me. It says that I am aware of the androcentric world we live in and I am aware of how language perpetuates gender inequality. I don’t go around with my head in the sand. Someone has to question things. If no one ever questioned the “way things are” then there would still be slavery, women would not be able to vote, women and children would still be considered property, the US would still be an English territory, Monarchs would still rule France, etc.

Part of me hopes that maybe you just like playing devil’s advocate and stirring the pot. If not, I hope you take a moment and think next time you go to refer to a woman as a girl or a group of people as guys or are looking for an insult for your male friends.

I never claimed my blog was unbiased or the influences in my life would be left out of all my ramblings. My experiences are what make me who I am today and of course they are going to come out in my posts. Am I always PC? No. This where I talk about my day and express how I feel about different incidents. You are welcome to read it, that is why my blog is not private and you are welcome to comment. If you truly disagree with what I say, then I would love to hear it. But if you chose to comment simply to rile me up, please feel free to go elsewhere.

Sincerely,
E, The Perkster, Erica

I have a soapbox and today it is called Feminism

First let me say, I am a feminist. This is not a dirty word. It doesn’t mean I hate men. It simply means that I believe there should be equality between the sexes. I think the patriarchal foundation of our society needs to be questioned and rocked. We should not all be sheep who simply go along with everything that is fed to us everyday by society through the media and bureaucracies and institutions that mold us into contributing members of society. I don’t think men should be pushed down so that woman can get ahead. Neither of us should be oppressed. Oppressing men so women can succeed, is still oppression and wrong. And when I say I think there needs to be equality between the sexes, I mean the good and the bad. If men have to register for the draft, then so should women, etc etc. Yes, I shave my armpits and legs (though I did struggle with this for a long time). I like to wear make-up and feel pretty. I like to feel feminine. But I don’t think my femaleness should somehow make me less than.

The other day at work I was called a girl.

This irritated me more than I probably should have let it, but whatever.

I am not a girl. While I may look like I am barely 16, I am a full fledged adult. I am a woman.

It sounds silly when I say that, but I AM a woman. I am not an old woman or even a middle aged woman. I am a young woman, although I can see 30 from where I sit. I can legally vote and drink. I am buying my first home. I pay all my bills. I am self sufficient. I am NOT a girl.

While the woman who referred to me as a girl meant no malice or insult, I still found it insulting. Yes, she is older than I am and may even have children who are close to me in age. But I am not her child and in the work place I am her co-worker and peer. In fact I am a higher classification than she is and I have more seniority. I am not trying to sound bitchy, it is just so frustrating.

There is no way to bring attention to this issue without it coming off as my being a whiny kid. Which is exactly what I am trying to NOT be perceived as.

Too often we throw out language and don’t think about the connotation of the word we chose or how the recipient will interpret it.

Girl:
1 a: a female child from birth to adulthood b: DAUGHTER c: a young unmarried woman dsometimes offensive : a single or married woman of any age
2 a: SWEETHEART bsometimes offensive : a female servant or employee

I know you may be reading these definitions and be thinking well, you could be a girl. Except we no longer live in society where young women are expected to get married or marriage somehow makes a person more of an adult. Does being married a 28 make someone less of girl than myself who is not married at 28? No.

I also cringe when I am referred to as a guy or a group of women are referred to as guys. I am not a guy. Guy is a masculine term and I am not male. By referring to me as a guy or a group of woman as guys, it erases our gender, our femaleness. It singles us out as “others” we are not the norm, which is male. How would a group of men feel if someone walked up to them and said, “Hey gals!” And I hate when people are referred to as guys and girls.

The terms guys and girls are not equitable. Guys and gals, boys and girls, ladies and gentlemen, men and women, these are the correct pairings. By calling people guys and girls there is a subconscious inferiority of females inferred.

I don’t think people are deliberately offensive or trying to create inferiority. I try to believe people generally mean well. But language is so important and people just don’t pay attention. The issue is not whether someone intended an insult, but whether or not an insult was perceived. Ignorance is not an excuse. People need to be aware of the impact of their words.

Think of all the degrading names for men or people who show weakness:
Pussy
Wuss
Sissy
Pansy Ass
Acting like a little girl
Throw like a girl
Scream like a girl

All of these have a negative connotation with being female in some capacity and that being feminine is not to be desired. What is wrong with being female? We make up more than 50% of the world’s population! Did you know that all fetuses start out as female and begin to develop as female in the first few weeks? (ok, that is a simplification and technically the sex is determined at conception with the melding of XX or XY chromosomes, but prior to the influence of testosterone the fetus goes along as female) That is why men have nipples, the body was preparing to be female and starting the process of creating mammaries. But the XY combination releases hormones early on to stimulate male development. (Of course there is a lot more to it and I don’t have all day to explain)

I am also a fluent Spanish speaker so I am aware that English is not the only sexist language. Most of the “romance” languages are extremely sexist. A whole gaggle of people could be hanging out together and there is only one male in the whole group and the rest are female, but when referring to the group the masculine form is used. I get that. But it doesn’t make it okay or right or any less oppressive.

If you made it all the way to the bottom of this and don’t want to send me hate mail…Yea for you! I am now stepping off of my soapbox and going back to work :)