Toilet bandit strikes again. Okay it's not really a bandit, but I liked the ring of that better than "Office Trannie is Back". I guess either works

Okay, first, this is completely unrelated to the toilet incident, but yesterday was my birthday. I had to go testify before the grand jury for work and I had never done that before. It was really interesting. AND I got a cruiser bike! I am so excited. Isn't it purdy!



All I need now is a basket and a bell.

Now back to the toilet. Remember how I mentioned someone has been leaving the toilet seat up at work in the women's bathroom? Well since then I have been trying to capture it in a photo for all of you, as any die hard blogger would do. Without further ado I present the toilet mystery:



What the hell?! I just don't get it. It was mentioned that perhaps someone is vomiting in the toilet, but wouldn't they want to get rid of any evidence indicating that they were purging? Therefore putting the seat down? Also, there is the toilet seat tissue paper thingy in the toilet too. Or if they are wiping the seat down because water splashes up after flushing (it can be a pretty powerful whoosh), then why isn't there just a little wad of toilet paper in there instead of the toilet paper and seat cover.

We know who is doing it, we just don't know why. I am also pretty sure she is not a trannie (but with the work done these days it can be hard to tell). She is married, I know it doesn't mean she wasn't a dude at some point, but she has told me that her and her husband are trying to get pregnant...pretty sure going boy to girl does not enable a person to get knocked up. I mean there is that one guy over in Bend who went from girl to boy and is pregnant for the second time, but he was born with the right girl parts for that. And besides, he lives in Bend Oregon and I am in Western Oregon.

I am thinking of posting this picture on the door to the bathroom with a note that either says, "Why are you leaving the seat up? We don't want to fall in and we are wicked curious as to why you have this strange quirk." or "WTF?! Put the seat down, this is the women's restroom. We shouldn't have to worry about falling in!"

No Boys Allowed

Today was just a normal Tuesday at work. Like any other Tuesday. I have my coffee, a coworker has already annoyed me in the first 20 minutes I have been at work, I start to surf the internet, er, I mean start to work on overpayments.

After lunch I head to the bathroom. The women's bathroom. There are 3 stalls, one is a large handicap stall and two regular stalls. The handicap stall was occupied so I chose the one closest to the door. That left a stall between us. I am weird like that okay. If no one else is in the bathroom I will always choose the middle stall, but I don't like to be right next to the other stalls if they are occupied if I can help. Yeah, yeah, I know, weird.

Anywasted, I walk into the stall and what do I see...the toilet with the seat raised. Huh? And there is toilet paper in the toilet. Double huh? It's not first thing in the morning when the toilet seats are sometimes raised after the janitor cleaned them. Whatever, I flush the toilet, do my business, flush again, wash my hands and leave.

Once back at my desk I don't think anymore about it. A few hours later my friend SS stops by my desk and tells me that for the second time that day she has gone into the bathroom and discovered the toilet seat raised with toilet paper in the toilet. I'm all, "DUUUUUDE me too!" And she's all "What? No way!" and I'm like, "No seriously. And I thought it was strange when it happened to me and now I think it is even weirder." SS looks at me and says, all while laughing, "Thank God it's not just me!"

Then we brainstrom trying to figure out why the toilet in the ladies room is raised. Is there an office gnome who just can't quite make it to the men's bathroom and thinks it's amusing to try and catch the ladies in the office unaware? Is there a transgender in the office? Because if there is I am totally cool with that, but come on, you are using the ladies bathroom, please put the seat back down!

Later, when discussing this mystery with Jen, she informed me that it was a certain someone in the office and other people in the office have experienced it as well. We are not sure why she does this.

Any ideas? Is she cleaning the toilet after she finishes? Is she that crazy of a pee-er? I mean really...how hard is it make it in the toilet? Do I even want to know what kind of craziness goes on in there when she uses the bathroom?

Or maybe she has boy parts we don't know about. I really don't care, JUST PUT THE SEAT DOWN AND FLUSH THE TOILET PAPER!

How to 'Fly a Sign'

As a social worker I consider myself somewhat of an expert on the art of 'flying signs'. For all you "laypeople", flying a sign is what we call, in the "industry", panhandling with a cardboard sign on a street corner.

Below are some key points I think are important for successful sign fly-age:

*Don't write a novel. I am driving, most likely not stopping for long at a light and frankly I don't have a lot of time to read the essay you wrote on why I should give you my money. Be concise.

*Write BIG! I should be able to read your sign from several car lengths back. If I am squinting trying to read your sign as I am passing you...not good.

*Use a dark marker. On a tan cardboard sign, dark colors stand out and are easier to read.

*Don't make drug or alcohol references. A sign with "4:19" on it or one that says, "why lie, I want a beer", does not encourage me to give you MY hard earned money.

*Gimmicks can be okay..."Bet you can't hit me with a quarter" "Dancing for change" Both clever and original, you may just get some of my money.

*DO NOT under any circumstances approach my stopped vehicle if I do not have my hand out the window indicating I am giving you money. People, especially women, do not like when strangers approach their window, especially unkempt, scary men (yes, I am stereotyping). I will not be giving you money if you do this. I will lock my doors and get my cell phone out to call 911.

And lastly....

*Don't tell me you are a "struggling student". I will stop my car just to bitchslap you, but I will not be giving you any money. I have been a broke student, but you get financial aid which helps cover living expenses. I lived off of ramon noodles and free pizza for several years. I have no sympathy for you,I am still paying off my student loans!

Follow my simple guidelines and you could be earning spare change in no time! Best of luck in your sign flying!

Snuggies, fun for a girl and a boy.

I want a Snuggie.

I have decided that I need a Snuggie for work. My cubicle is constantly hovering at arctic temperatures, I currently have a blanket (I used to have two) and a sweater here at work (totally my ugly, old lady sweater, but it keeps me warm). I leave them here for when I get so cold I am shivering.

Often there are days when my hands are so cold it hurts to bend my fingers and type. I sit almost directly under an air vent so I get blasted with frigid winds on a regular basis. Now I understand that this is a large building and maintaining a constant temp throughout can be difficult, but this is just ridiculous!

And for some reason the bathroom is always the exact opposite of the building as a whole. If the building is cool then the bathroom is a warm little refuge, but if the building is warming up the bathroom suddenly becomes the walk in freezer.

But, back to me, I WANT A SNUGGIE! A blanket with arms…HELLO?! That is exactly what I need for work. I can stay all snug and warm and have my hands free to type. And if my body isn’t busy trying to keep the rest of me warm then it can focus solely on my hands and it will be all good.

ACT I

Me – sitting at my desk, working away, wrapped in my Snuggie
Coworker – does double take, “what are you wearing?”
Me – glances at coworker with utter contempt, “pssh, a Snuggie.” Followed up with an eye roll. “Quit drinking the hater-ade, you know you want one!”
Coworker – stares agog, mouth agape
Me – gives quirk of the eyebrow and resumes diligently working, basking in the warmth of my Snuggie.

END SCENE

Now, I know some of you are probably laughing. Go ahead, laugh away at the Snuggie, but remember, the Snuggie made billions last year. BILLIONS! That is millions, plus a whole lot more. So, while you laugh at the Snuggie, the Snuggie is laughing all the way to the bank.

The Snuggie, probably has its own private jet and is off to some exotic locale for vacation where Snuggies aren’t even needed because the temperature never drops below 80 degrees. While we sit on our couch, because we can’t afford to go on any vacations, wrapped in old blankets, because we don’t want to turn the heat up too high ‘cause then the power bill will go up and seriously, who can afford that. So, laugh away at the Snuggie, but I am pretty sure the Snuggie is getting the last laugh in the end.

And on that note, I must go order me a Snuggie.

Peach out!

Furloughs can blow me!

Furlough = mandatory leave without pay

It is almost 11am and I am at work, but instead of actually working I am writing a blog about how much I don't enjoy working and how I dislike even more, the current state of affairs regarding contract negotiations.

I work in social services, a demanding, emotionally draining, time consuming, thankless job. I was already a jaded and cynical person (maybe because I was raised by parents who have spent their whole lives working in social services too) and now, coming up on the 3.5 year mark of employment with the state in social services I find that I am even MORE jaded and cynical about people and the world and I am only 27. Who knew it was even possible to be more cynical than I already was.

Granted, there are moments in social service which, are quite comical. Once a woman tried to hand me a used pregnancy test as verification that her daughter was pregnant. She just whipped it out of her purse and thrust it in my face, demanding I take it. Um, yeah, that isn't going to work for me. I don't know who the hell peed on that, that little stick will not fit in your file, and lastly...SOMEONE PEED ON THAT!

I have had a guy arrange the letter magnets on my filing cabinet (which I had so children had something to do while I spoke with their parents) to spell out "Call me you are cute". Really? Really? You have just told me your life story, I know all about your baby mama drama, the STD issue you are dealing with and the reason why you are applying for medical and frankly, if you can't afford food, you sure as hell can't afford to date me!

I have had one of the "regulars" aka one of the homeless in the area who would often come into the office and hang out in the lobby to get out of the rain, ask me if I would marry him. He was drunk off his ass, who even knows the last time he bathed, and all his worldly possessions where in the trashbag he lugged around with him. It was my first marriage proposal and I was quite touched. Unfortunately I had to turn him down. He then asked if he could at least just come home with me, to which I replied, "Sorry, I'm not allowed to bring strays home." His name was Richard. He let out a big belly laugh, sang me a quick song and then asked the woman working next to me if she would marry him.

Another time a co-worker had a client in her cubicle, but realized she needed to make a photocopy of his ID and social security card. She told him she would be right back and went to make a quick copy. When she returned to her desk, there he was sitting in the chair...MASTURBATING! Yeah, you heard right, masturbating. Who the FUCK does that! Who?! When she demanded he leave he said, "Wait, I'm not done." WHAT. THE. FUCK! He was quickly removed from the office, but still I would have had to take the rest of the day off, maybe even the week while my desk and work space were sterilized. And I firmly believe she should have received hazard pay.

But recently the laughs have become fewer and much farther between. We are currently in a hiring freeze and are down multiple workers. Our workloads have at least doubled due to the ecomony and the level of unemployment. There simply are not enough hours in the work week to meet the demands of the public. We are drowning. Workers are at the breaking point. And now our contract is coming due in July.

Negotiations are not pretty.

As state workers we have already conceeded to lower wages than the standard for our type of work in order to keep fully covered employer healthcare (as social service workers we have all seen medical bills completely ruin those who are un/underinsured). Part of that deal was that our healthcare was not up for negotiation. We have just been informed that everything, including our healthcare, is on the table for the upcoming bienium.

The current proposal offered by the State is this:

No cost of living increases
*So with inflation, I will be doing the same job for less money every year...and in all reality I will probably be expected to do even more than I am currently.

They want to take back the 10th Step increase that was allocated last time the contract was negotiated
*Anyone who received this step increase within the last two years will have it revoked and take a pay cut

Freeze all current step increases
*So in addition to not giving me a cost of living increase you are also going to take away my annual step increase of 5% (well that is if I haven't already maxed out at the 9th step). This also means that in addition to not receiving any step increase within the next two years, I would have to wait another full year almost for my hire date to roll around so I could receive the step increase. Three years without any increase in pay, not even a cost of living adjustment. But every year the minimum wage will increase and soon could surpass my monthly salary. We have already done step increase freezes and people are still trying to recupe from the last one.

And last but not least...Furloughs, the new F word. They want us to take 26 furlough days over the next 2 years, including 15 unpaid holidays and 11 other unpaid furlough days.
*This breaks down to 13 days a year, that is 2.5 work weeks without pay. We are already struggling to manage the demand we have now for social services and you want to force people to not work for 2.5 weeks? How is that going to work?

They are going to get their furloughs if they keep pushing. They are going to get them in the form of a picket line and that is the most terrifying thing of all. Who can really afford to strike?

It all just leaves a bad taste in my mouth (ok, not at this exact moment because I have a thin mint in my mouth, it's called "stess eating", but in general). This leaves all the workers who are on the front line, who see the people in desparate situations and hear their stories and know the feeble assistance they offer is not going to be enough, feeling unappreciated. We are not valued.

It increases the burnout rate and dissatisfaction of employees. It is why I am writing a blog instead of working. It is why I drink massive amounts of coffee everyday to counteract the lack of sleep I got the night before because I am so stressed I can't even relax enough for sleep. It leads to stress eating and self medicating with alcohol (and food in my case) and irritability at home with family.

I expect to be called every name in the book in the course of my job. I know I make people angry and I know I have to ask uncomfortable questions. I get it, a lot of the time I don't even blame people for calling me a bitch (or much worse). To them I am the icing on their shitty life cake and since I am there when they reach their last straw, I am the one who bears the brunt of their anger and frustration. But to be shit on by those who are supposed to support us...that is straw that is breaking this camel's back.

If you spill your coffee your day will suck

I spilled my coffee this morning and I cried about it. Nothing like crying at work to make you feel like a complete moron. Plus I spilled my coffee with the very last of my 1/2 & 1/2 so I couldn't even refill it and start over. And to top it all off, I had to clean up all the spilled coffee from the table and floor and try and wring out my sweat shirt.

Every once in awhile I get a whiff of coffee and realize the smell is coming from the cuff of my sweat shirt and I get irritated all over again.

So I didn't get my coffee this morning, not good.