Wednesday, May 12, 2010

The one about bad pussies and strippers

You know your job is good when you end the work day discussing strippers.  And it is completely work related and relevant to the work we do!  For real.  I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried.

As class let out and people filed out there were smiles on the faces and giggles could be heard fading down the hallway.

Do you know some of the self employment costs strippers might have?…

Me: What do we consider self employment?

Me: Blah blah blah, meet these criteria, blah blah blah
(I am sure this is how I sound to the class)

HS: And remember we may get people coming in who say they are drug dealers or prostitutes and they won’t have receipts to verify their income.
(Hi Helena! Everyone say hi to Helena)

Student: Yeah and strippers.  Would we consider them having to purchase ”outfits” as an expense?

Me/HS: It could be, but could also depend.  You and I have to purchase clothing appropriate for our employment, but would we consider that a cost?  Possibly.

**This is where I have the best line…EVER**

Me: Another cost they might incur, grooming costs

The laughter was immediate, some were in utter shock, and I couldn’t help but giggle myself.

Class: *snickers*

Me: Come on, you all know what I am talking about!

Ah yes the day ended on a positive note, even if there is one very trying student in the class.  But hey, there is usually one and she will only make me a better trainer in the long run.

My mind lives in the gutter, geez.  Why do you think I have to wash my hair so often!  And here is evidence that I have even corrupted my cat.  I give you miss Maggie doing her impression of what dirty girls do:

slutty maggie

You’re welcome and good night!

P.S. You should really donate to my Relay for Life team!

Friday, May 7, 2010

Because slamming my head into the wall sounded like a good idea

For the past day and a half I have had a splitting headache, sometimes called a migraine (I personally prefer the term MOTHERF****** B****). A headache so bad that the idea of stabbing my own eyes out actually sounded appealing because the pain would be less than what I was currently experiencing.

I left work early Wed afternoon and completely opted out of work on Thurs. I have an hour commute and the thought of driving made me want to cry and probably would not have been the best idea as my vision was slightly blurred and I was nauseous. And I couldn’t even imagine looking at a computer all day long, my eyeballs throbbed just thinking about it.

It was brutal.

I slept when I could, in a dark room, a cold pack over my eyes, snuggled with my Jackie. I found the thought of food completely unappealing. Me not be interested in food = major problem. I love food. I eat food even when my tummy is upset because it just might make it feel better.

I have been drinking lots of water just in case this headache is the cause of dehydration. I hate having a headache. The stress of it causes my shoulders to tense up, adding to the problem. The muscles in my neck are as hard as rocks.

Migraines suck ass!

Fortunately the pain is now just a dull ache, more a residual pain left over from the debilitating pain of yesterday.

P.S. You should donate to my Relay For Life team. All the cool kids are doing it!

Monday, May 3, 2010

Relay For Life

I Relay for Grandma Sue, Grandpa Charlie, Carole, Fern, Cindy and little Ezra. I Relay for everyone I love - Family & Friends - who have ever heard the words "YOU HAVE CANCER".

For them I Relay.

Every dollar raised is $1 closer to finding a Cure. One step closer to "YOU HAVE CANCER" being words no one has to hear again. It will become a thing of the past.

I honor Grandma Sue, Grandpa Charlie, Carole, Fern, Cindy, and Little Ezra by participating in Relay For Life and raising money to eradicate cancer. Every breath they take after hearing that heart stopping word CANCER is another breath they take as a Survivor!

My goal in participating in Relay For Life is to make every single cancer patient a survivor and ultimately cancer free and healthy.

I am asking for your help in reaching my personal goal of raising $250.00 for this year's Relay For Life. Help me raise the funds so we can say someone else is a cancer survivor. Every donation is appreciated, $1, $5, $10, $25...nothing is too small!

If you would like to donate please click on the link I have posted to my participation page.

Thank you for your support.

The Perkster - Ramblings of a hungry fat girl. Design by Exotic Mommie. Illustraion By DaPino