Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Don't Waste The Pretty

Remember how I mentioned that I met a boy who made me smile? Well right now he isn’t making me smile. In fact he is kind of pissing me off!

We chatted over email/yahoo messenger/text everyday all day for almost two weeks. He lives in a town about 45 mins away and with our work schedules and stuff it was hard to coordinate a time to meet up. Finally we found a time the worked for both of us. Last Thursday, the eve before Christmas Eve.

The plan was for him to come down after work and we would go out to dinner and see how things went. Neither of us had to work the next day so it wouldn’t feel rushed or cut off because it was getting late.

Well, we hit it off, we chatted, we laughed, we had a great time…let’s just say he didn’t go home until Friday afternoon. Ahem, ANYWAY.

I normally don’t put out on a first date (and if I did, so freaking what, I am a grown adult and I am allowed to like sex!). But we had been talking for two weeks straight for hours each time. We talked about silly stuff, we talked about serious stuff, we just talked. And then we finally met and the sparks were there.

Christmas comes and all the crazy whirlwind family obligations. Finally on Sunday we touch base, chat a little bit about our holidays, talk about how much fun we had, etc. It is now Wednesday. WEDNESDAY PEOPLE! And I haven’t heard a single peep from him. What the French, Toast! That is just rude.

Suddenly ignoring a girl is douchy. Especially if there was no indication that he was no longer interested. He could have just not acknowledged me on Sunday and I would have gotten the message. And if I had met him at a bar and hooked up, okay, I would expect to go on my happy little way and never really hear from him again. But we seemed to have connected.

I just don’t get it. If he’s not interested, man up and say, “Hey, I had a good time, but I just don’t see anything coming from it.” Fine, I’m a big girl. I can take it. Would it suck to hear that? Of course, but at least I would have stopped wasting the pretty on someone who wasn’t interested.

And then I don’t know if it is just because he is inexperienced in the dating world (only really started dating a few years ago) (hello, who isn’t). Maybe he is freaked out by my awesomeness and that all this awesomeness actually really likes him (he has some hearing loss and mild cerebral palsy, causing some insecurities on his part). Or maybe he just isn’t interested. Whatever it is, getting the silent treatment for two days when before I would get a good morning and good night everyday, really hurts my feelings.

I am off to read “He’s just not that into you” and then I am off to scout out more boys. No need to waste the pretty on someone who can’t even bother to call.

P.S. Have I mentioned that dating is brutal!

***UPDATE - I did call him out after writing this post. We seem to have worked some of it out. But dating is still brutal.***

Monday, December 13, 2010

The reindeer fell out of my ass

I was able to find quite a bit of that holiday spirit I had been lacking.  I put up my tree on Saturday and put out all my decorations. And it really helped me pull the reindeer out of my ass.

rocking horses

My rocking horses all lined up in order by year

A pony for christmas

My new ornament collection “a pony for christmas” also in order by year

christmas tree

My tree with all the ornaments. So pretty.

I have opted not to hang any christmas lights outside this year, but that’s okay. It is cold and raining buckets and frankly I have no desire to scamper my happy ass across the roof.

Yeah for the holidays!

P.S. I met a boy who makes me smile :)

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Where do I find this holiday spirit?

I just can’t seem to find the holiday spirit.  Usually I have my tree up right after Thanksgiving and I am outside freezing my ass off hanging lights on my roof.  I usually love pulling out all my decorations and setting them up around the house.  Unwrapping each ornament and remembering why I love it so much.  I collect rocking horse ornaments and I have a series that spans 16 years. When I pull them out of the ornament tote, I carefully line them up in order of year, until all 16 are displayed.  Then I evenly hang them on the tree.

I am not religious and I only celebrate Christmas secularly, as a time when my family gets together and laugh and just have a great time. My mother loves to decorate and has decorations for every single holiday and I am my mother’s daughter.  I usually love everything about this time of year.  I love the lights on the houses lighting up the cold nights. The smell of holiday goodies baking.  Getting together with friends from out of town who I haven’t seen all year.

This year, it is two weeks before Christmas and I don’t have a SINGLE decoration up. Nothing, nada, zilch. 

Part of the reason is because after 3 years, I am single this Christmas. I don’t have someone special I am shopping for.  I don’t have someone to share all the memories with of decorating the tree and hanging lights.  I am not out hunting for the “perfect gift”. The gift that once purchased I would be so excited for him to open and hardly be able to wait until Christmas day.

Even if I had someone special to shop for, I have no extra money to really be shopping with. At work we are required to take furloughs (mandatory unpaid days off). My budget was already tight and with the cut in pay it has just made it even tighter. I can pay all my bills, I just don’t have a lot of extra spending. Okay I don’t have any extra spending money.

But this weekend I am determined to get into the holiday spirit! I WILL put up my tree and depending on the weather I WILL hang my Christmas lights.  I am going to fake it until I feel that holiday spirit tingle!

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

What doesn’t kill me only makes me stronger…

Online dating might actually end up killing me though!

Online dating is brutal and your self esteem takes a serious beating.  You start to feel hopeful and excited by new potential boys and dates…then those hopes and excitement are crushed.  By the time I make it through this, I will have the toughest skin and be the bluntest person ever.

I send out winks or messages and sometimes I get a “polite no” and I wonder: do they not like me because of how I look? or because I am liberal? or maybe they don’t like dogs, in which case we wouldn’t work out anyway!  And some people simple don’t respond or acknowledge me at all (rude much)  Then there are the ones you start to email/chat with and you seem to have a good connection.  We set up a time to meet, we go on a date, the date seems to have gone great, we chat some more after date, then…

1. Suddenly the guy just stops writing back. (Um, what? If the date was horrible or he wasn’t interested then why continue to email/text back and forth with me afterwards and then just poof, nothing)

2. We hit it off, discuss going on another date and then you get a text saying “Hey I really did have a good time on our date, but I also went on a date with someone else before our date and we hit it off. I am going to give it a go. I wish you the best of luck in your search”
*I really appreciate that he manned up and was willing to tell me. And I hope it works out for them, because this online dating blows!

I have also encountered the guy who is chatting to multiple ladies (hey, I don’t judge, I am trying to talk to several guys), but he can’t seem to keep us straight.  Dude, seriously, keep better track of us.  Also, I am not interested in a booty call.

This is an actual message I received:

Hey There

Been lil bored how bout you. Maybe something casual, rip one fool around a bit. Take Care if not

Um, really? Does that actually work? And WHAT in my profile gives the impression that I would be interested in that?

Sigh, there has to be someone out there somewhere. I will just look at it like trying to find a job. For every 20 applications I submit I get 1 interview and for every 10 interviews I get a job offer.  So using this theory I only have 1,123,973 more applications to go…

The Perkster - Ramblings of a hungry fat girl. Design by Exotic Mommie. Illustraion By DaPino