Friday, February 27, 2009

Karma is a bigger bitch than I could ever be.

Mailing a package you have been meaning to mail for months: $11.06

Buying new tires for your car: $599.00

Seeing the whore's, who fucked your boyfriend, car completely smashed up one year to the day of catching them in the act: PRICELESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Karma, gotta love her!

As I drove to Les Schwab to get new tires I glanced down the street where Whoreface works (okay, okay, I glance down this street every time I drive by it, which would be everyday whenever I go ANYWHERE). And what do I see? I see a police car with its lights flashing and two cars parked on the side of the road where I know Whoreface parks everyday for work, and a gaggle of people standing around.

Apparently a guy in a big truck somehow smashed into the back of the Mazda3 hatchback and hit it with such force that the back window completely shattered and shove that car into the back of Whoreface's precious Acura RSX (can someone please explain to me why the smallest cars are always driven by the fattest people? I mean really, I'm fat and I know I shouldn't be trying to stuff my big booty into a teeny tiny sportscar).

I drop my car off at Les Schwab to get new tires, hop into Mike's Xterra and tell him about the police cars. I convince him to circle the parking lot twice to try and get a better view of the damage without being noticed by the troll aka Whoreface. I was just barely able to make out that the Mazda had in fact hit her car.

Then as we were leaving the parking lot we had to drive by the do it yourself carwash. There are 3 police cars there, all blocking in the aforementioned truck. His bumper was all mangled and had fallen off and he was in the process of being arrested. He did not chose his "hiding" place very well.

I chuckled every time I thought about it. Well an hour goes by and Les Schwab calls to tell me my car is finished. Mike and I head over to pick it up and decide to come the back way and drive down the street Whoreface just happens to work on and just happens to be where her car was hit...At this point everyone has gone back inside, the police cars have left and the totaled Mazda has been towed away, but there is Whoreface's car. The back end all smashed in, her vanity plate (DVN MSM, barf!) all crumpled and hanging off. AH HA HA HA HA! After Mike drops me off and I pay for my new tires I decide to drive by one more time, I just want one more good laugh and that is when I see the flatbed tow truck. Her car was hit so hard it had to be TOWED!

So to fully understand my sheer utter delirium over this tragic event, there is some background info regarding my relationship with Mike.

Our road has not always been smooth and easy. We have hit some serious potholes and gone the wrong way on a one way street. When we first started dating neither of us was really looking for anything serious, we just wanted someone fun to hang out with and have a good time with. In fact we were both dating other people as well. Cool, whatever, neither of us had made a commitment to the other one.

Right before Christmas I told him I was interested in seeing only him and him only seeing me. I knew about Whoreface and I was getting ready to end things with the other guy I was seeing. Well mid January rolls around and I ask Mike about everything and he tells me he has thought about it and wants to just date me too and is going to break things off with Whoreface. Well it turns out this wasn't quite the case.

February rolls around and I am just not feeling good vibes about Mike and Whoreface and them really being "over". Something was just off. One night I turn to my best friend and roommate at the time and tell her something is wrong and I just have to go Mike's, it's almost 11pm on a work night. The whole way over I am praying I am just crazy and making myself paranoid, but I turn the corner and there is Whoreface's car in the driveway. It was a crushing blow. After talking to Jen I calm down enough to call Mike, I left a few choice words on his voicemail. He eventually calls me back and after a long emotional conversation he finally admits to sleeping with her.

I am not one of those women who only blames the other woman. Mike is grown adult and just as much, if not more so, at fault for what happened. And I know Mike was lying to her about his relationship with me so I blame him for this incident. He wanted his cake and to eat it too.

Whoreface and I talked and cleared some things up between the two of us and what was really going on. She said some hurtful things to me and I landed some low blows of my own and eventually we both realized Mike was the real asshole in the equation.

Drama drama drama...I end things with Mike.

Some time passes and Mike and I start talking again and decide to give it another try and we both make it clear from the beginning this time that we are only seeing each other. This is when Whoreface becomes Whoreface. Oh and I feel it is important to say that Mike feels the need to be friends with everyone he has ever slept with or at least be on semi decent terms with everyone, great, fine, whatever, sometimes you just have to cut people out, unless you are Mr. Nice Guy Who Wants Everyone To Like Me Mike. This also means that Mike won't simply tell Whoreface to FUCK OFF.

She now knows that Mike and I are back on and this is when the sneaky manipulative girl that lives in all of us rears her ugly head. She starts to send him text messages...all while she is drunk of course and "I can't remember what I did last night" or she sends him links in his email that she "just knew he would think were hilarious". When he responds to these and engages her, she takes these as signs of encouragement. She starts talking to him more regularly on IM and is quite flirty and Mike being Mike is flirty back. She starts to send more and more inappropriate texts "my boobs miss you" and actual photos of her boobs (of course she claims to not remember sending these because she was drinking...bitch please, we all know your game, well everyone except the gullible guy who naively thinks he is smarter and sneakier and trickier than women). The last straw for me was when she sent him a whole crapload of racy photos of herself in lingerie she had professionally is also important to keep in mind that she is maybe 5'2" on a tall day and pushing easily 275 lbs, she ain't a little girl.

Mike and I had several all out fights regarding her and his continued engagement and communication with her. Finally he simply stopped responding to her texts and emails and IMs and surprise surprise we haven't heard from her in awhile. And to give Mike credit, he really did shape up when we decided to give it another try, he does his best to reassure me and not add to my insecurities. We now live together and he tells me he loves everyday. I believe he is committed to me and this relationship, hell, he is introducing me to his mother tomorrow (gulp). He messed up and he messed up big time and he knows this. He also knows that this is his one big mistake, he doesn't get more do overs. And Whoreface is just a sore loser, she did all of that because she didn't win and if she couldn't be happy then she would try and make everyone else miserable too.

So, today on the one year anniversary (it is a curse at times to remember numbers and dates so well) of catching Mike and Whoreface, it gaves me immense joy to see her precious car all smashed up.

Thank you, Karma, you are the biggest bitch around. And I swear, I always return my cart at the grocery store!

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Furloughs can blow me!

Furlough = mandatory leave without pay

It is almost 11am and I am at work, but instead of actually working I am writing a blog about how much I don't enjoy working and how I dislike even more, the current state of affairs regarding contract negotiations.

I work in social services, a demanding, emotionally draining, time consuming, thankless job. I was already a jaded and cynical person (maybe because I was raised by parents who have spent their whole lives working in social services too) and now, coming up on the 3.5 year mark of employment with the state in social services I find that I am even MORE jaded and cynical about people and the world and I am only 27. Who knew it was even possible to be more cynical than I already was.

Granted, there are moments in social service which, are quite comical. Once a woman tried to hand me a used pregnancy test as verification that her daughter was pregnant. She just whipped it out of her purse and thrust it in my face, demanding I take it. Um, yeah, that isn't going to work for me. I don't know who the hell peed on that, that little stick will not fit in your file, and lastly...SOMEONE PEED ON THAT!

I have had a guy arrange the letter magnets on my filing cabinet (which I had so children had something to do while I spoke with their parents) to spell out "Call me you are cute". Really? Really? You have just told me your life story, I know all about your baby mama drama, the STD issue you are dealing with and the reason why you are applying for medical and frankly, if you can't afford food, you sure as hell can't afford to date me!

I have had one of the "regulars" aka one of the homeless in the area who would often come into the office and hang out in the lobby to get out of the rain, ask me if I would marry him. He was drunk off his ass, who even knows the last time he bathed, and all his worldly possessions where in the trashbag he lugged around with him. It was my first marriage proposal and I was quite touched. Unfortunately I had to turn him down. He then asked if he could at least just come home with me, to which I replied, "Sorry, I'm not allowed to bring strays home." His name was Richard. He let out a big belly laugh, sang me a quick song and then asked the woman working next to me if she would marry him.

Another time a co-worker had a client in her cubicle, but realized she needed to make a photocopy of his ID and social security card. She told him she would be right back and went to make a quick copy. When she returned to her desk, there he was sitting in the chair...MASTURBATING! Yeah, you heard right, masturbating. Who the FUCK does that! Who?! When she demanded he leave he said, "Wait, I'm not done." WHAT. THE. FUCK! He was quickly removed from the office, but still I would have had to take the rest of the day off, maybe even the week while my desk and work space were sterilized. And I firmly believe she should have received hazard pay.

But recently the laughs have become fewer and much farther between. We are currently in a hiring freeze and are down multiple workers. Our workloads have at least doubled due to the ecomony and the level of unemployment. There simply are not enough hours in the work week to meet the demands of the public. We are drowning. Workers are at the breaking point. And now our contract is coming due in July.

Negotiations are not pretty.

As state workers we have already conceeded to lower wages than the standard for our type of work in order to keep fully covered employer healthcare (as social service workers we have all seen medical bills completely ruin those who are un/underinsured). Part of that deal was that our healthcare was not up for negotiation. We have just been informed that everything, including our healthcare, is on the table for the upcoming bienium.

The current proposal offered by the State is this:

No cost of living increases
*So with inflation, I will be doing the same job for less money every year...and in all reality I will probably be expected to do even more than I am currently.

They want to take back the 10th Step increase that was allocated last time the contract was negotiated
*Anyone who received this step increase within the last two years will have it revoked and take a pay cut

Freeze all current step increases
*So in addition to not giving me a cost of living increase you are also going to take away my annual step increase of 5% (well that is if I haven't already maxed out at the 9th step). This also means that in addition to not receiving any step increase within the next two years, I would have to wait another full year almost for my hire date to roll around so I could receive the step increase. Three years without any increase in pay, not even a cost of living adjustment. But every year the minimum wage will increase and soon could surpass my monthly salary. We have already done step increase freezes and people are still trying to recupe from the last one.

And last but not least...Furloughs, the new F word. They want us to take 26 furlough days over the next 2 years, including 15 unpaid holidays and 11 other unpaid furlough days.
*This breaks down to 13 days a year, that is 2.5 work weeks without pay. We are already struggling to manage the demand we have now for social services and you want to force people to not work for 2.5 weeks? How is that going to work?

They are going to get their furloughs if they keep pushing. They are going to get them in the form of a picket line and that is the most terrifying thing of all. Who can really afford to strike?

It all just leaves a bad taste in my mouth (ok, not at this exact moment because I have a thin mint in my mouth, it's called "stess eating", but in general). This leaves all the workers who are on the front line, who see the people in desparate situations and hear their stories and know the feeble assistance they offer is not going to be enough, feeling unappreciated. We are not valued.

It increases the burnout rate and dissatisfaction of employees. It is why I am writing a blog instead of working. It is why I drink massive amounts of coffee everyday to counteract the lack of sleep I got the night before because I am so stressed I can't even relax enough for sleep. It leads to stress eating and self medicating with alcohol (and food in my case) and irritability at home with family.

I expect to be called every name in the book in the course of my job. I know I make people angry and I know I have to ask uncomfortable questions. I get it, a lot of the time I don't even blame people for calling me a bitch (or much worse). To them I am the icing on their shitty life cake and since I am there when they reach their last straw, I am the one who bears the brunt of their anger and frustration. But to be shit on by those who are supposed to support us...that is straw that is breaking this camel's back.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

If you spill your coffee your day will suck

I spilled my coffee this morning and I cried about it. Nothing like crying at work to make you feel like a complete moron. Plus I spilled my coffee with the very last of my 1/2 & 1/2 so I couldn't even refill it and start over. And to top it all off, I had to clean up all the spilled coffee from the table and floor and try and wring out my sweat shirt.

Every once in awhile I get a whiff of coffee and realize the smell is coming from the cuff of my sweat shirt and I get irritated all over again.

So I didn't get my coffee this morning, not good.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Where are my tweezers?

My boyfriend pointed out my chin hairs this morning as the sun shone through the window and then he kissed me. Now if that's not love, I don't know what is!

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

VD is not just for Venereal Disease

I had one of the best Valentine's Day I can remember in a long time.

Saturday morning I wake up slowly without an alarm, score! Mike makes us eggs and coffee...yum, I love coffee. He then decides I must watch Goodfellas as I have never seen it and we have been on a Sopranos kick and apparently it is essential that I also see Goodfellas. I decide to kill two birds with one stone and fold laundry as I watch the movie. Suddenly Shadow starts barking insanely and the doorbell rings, I have no idea what is going on. Mike answers the door, I hear him talking to the person at the door but I can't make out what they are saying and as he is coming back into the room he tells me to close my eyes. Now, I know he is up to something. I hear him walk back into the room and he tells me to open my eyes. In his hands is a beautiful bouquet of flowers, red roses and white lilies!

At one point during the movie Mike gets up to go in the bedroom for a sec and we pause the movie, I take this opportunity to run into the garage to get another load of laundry from the dryer because my current load is almost completely folded. I settle back in with my new load of laundry and we resume watching Goodfellas. I fold a few items and I reach into the basket for another shirt and I see a red jewelry box hidden in the clothes. When I open the box there is heart shaped pendant necklace with pink sapphires, diamonds, and smokey diamonds. I am so surprised. I really was not expecting anything besides dinner and maybe flowers for Valentine's Day.

Later that day we go to DSW because Mike needs a new pair of shoes. Well I obviously have no interest in mens shoes so I head off to the clearance room. Yes, DSW has a room for just their clearance shoes. I walked into the room and angels started blowing trumpets, the room was bathed in golden light, from floor to ceiling from wall to wall. I have died and gone to heaven and they are all 40-70% off their sale price!

I instantly remove my shoes and start to try several pairs on. I fall in love with 3 pairs and I am trying to decide how to pick a pair I want the most when Mike comes to find me. He jokingly tells me my 10 minutes are up and he needs me to help him pick out shoes. He sees me looking longingly at the shoes. He tells to grab all three, he is going to buy them for me, it is an extended Valentine's gift. Sigh, I knew there was a reason I loved him!

After we left the shoe store it was off to lunch and sushi was on the menu. Oh, and Mike got a pair of black sketchers. Mike and I went on our first date at Sushi Domo so, sushi is kind of our thing. It was yummy and delicious and we ate raw fish to our hearts' content!

We also went shopping at Bed, Bath and Beyond where we bought new sheets for the bed and just spent the afternoon together (that's how you know you are getting old...buying new sheets is exciting). To top the night off we went to a romantic Valentine's dinner at Mazzi's. The food was fantastic, the atmosphere was cozy and romantic, we chatted and laughed and ate until we couldn't breathe.

The day exceeded my expectations. I am so grateful that Mike made the effort to make the day special for me. I simply wanted some acknowledgement of the day, but he did more than simply acknowledge it. It was a great day and the best part was not the gifts I received or the food I ate, but that we spent the day together.

Of course that night I gave Mike his Valentine's gift and made him my Valentine ;) You will just have to use your imagination for that, you pervs!
The Perkster - Ramblings of a hungry fat girl. Design by Exotic Mommie. Illustraion By DaPino