Monday, October 20, 2008

LJ is the bane of my existence

I am bored to tears at work today. I feel like it is the same old thing over and over again. Sometimes the OVPs are interesting, but today I can find little motivation to actually do any work.

Mike is in New York all week and I need to start moving my stuff. All I keep thinking about today is how much crap I have to do. I need to make a GoodWill run, I need to take stuff to the computer recycling, I need to pack up my books so that my bookshelves can be moved.

And I am tired. I slept terribly. Partly because Mike was gone and I have gotten used to sleeping with him there but also because Little John left around midnight and Shadow went crazy and woke me up.

I don't understand Little John, except I do understand he is depressed. He literally sleeps all day. Once he wakes up he eats a little something (usually creating a huge mess in the kitchen I have just cleaned). Then he flips on the TV and proceeds to watch cartoons for several hours. Finally between 10:30 and midnight he will get around to going out. He then proceeds to head out....who knows where or with what money and doesn't come home until 4-5am in the morning.

He isn't working, although sometimes he says he does have jobs lined up. Now his truck is supposed to repossessed today if he can't come up with the $800 he owes. I think his mom or dad will bail him out and he will miraculously get to keep his truck.

He never has any money to pay rent. Yet he always has money to go out, wherever it is that he goes. He has money to put gas in his gas guzzling truck.

While Mike is gone it is weird to be alone with Little John. I don't feel all that safe around him and I have nothing to talk to him about. I don't do drugs and I am not a huge cartoon fan.

Yesterday I spent all day cleaning out the spare room at Mike's and preparing to paint. I painted for several hours, all the while trying to be quiet as I painted the wall that is shared with Little John's room, trying to be respectful of the fact that he was sleeping (Of course it was about 3pm at this point). I took a break about 5:45 to go over to my parents' house for dinner, LJ was still sleeping.

After dinner I head back to Mike's, I only have one coat of paint left and then I am all done paintine, yea! I get there about 7:30 and there is LJ sitting on the couch, watching cartoons. I figured whatever, I will just go finish painting.

I got done just before 9pm and I was excited because after everything I had done that day I was looking forward to watching Desperate Housewives which was on at 9pm. I didn't get to watch DH because LJ was now watching Futurama...a freaking cartoon.

Fine, whatever, at least I recorded it. I decide to just go read in the bedroom. First I go into the kitchen for glass of water and realize that LJ has fried a hamburger patty and in the process splattered all over the counter and left his dirty dishes all over the place.

I am just so fed up with him. Mike has asked him to finish the windows, they need to be caulked, inside and out. Last night LJ tells me that it irritates him that Mike thinks he doesn't have anything else to do and wants the windows done immediately. Uh, HELLO! you don't do anything else except sit around, oh, I mean sleep. He paid you for the windows a long time ago and part of the job includes caulking the windows!

It is just frustrating.

I make Shadow and Jackie both sleep with me at night because LJ makes me feel uncomfortable. I could stay at my place, but I don't want to leave the dogs alone with him.

And what do I want to do to help myself feel better....EAT! Gah. I am back on track and tracking points again this week after taking a little hiatus, that did nothing to help my weight loss. I need to stay focused and not let little things get to me.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Jedi mind power against fast food

I have not been sleeping lately, mostly due to stress. And I have noticed that fast food has seemed much more appealing that it normally does. I mean I always love gooey fatty goodness and french fries. But recently the yearning for fast food as I drive by the restaurants is so strong. I haven't actually given in and gotten anything, but it is so tempting.

I have come to the conclusion that the tireder (real word?) I am the more I really want that comfort food offered at fast food places. Interesting observation and not something I think I would have notice if I wasn't so aware of my eating and cravings.

So, the moral is....get your sleep and the fast food has no control over you!

Friday, October 3, 2008

Tracking...funny how it works

Two weeks ago I was diligent in my tracking of food I ate. Even when I knew I hadn't stuck to my points and that I was eating "bad" food, I wrote it all down. And I lost 4.6lbs!

Last week I slacked a little on the tracking and wasn't monitoring everything I was eating very well. I eventually did get around to writing stuff down, but I fear that because I procrastinated I missed some food items that I ate. I gained .6lbs.

So I am trying my hardest to keep track of everything I eat and to actually stick with the program. I find the weekends are the hardest to get under control. At work my day is scheduled and I have a routine, but on weekends or days off my routine is thrown out of wack. And then I wait too long to eat and I am starving by the time I get around to it so I just eat the easiest and closest thing I can find...generally not something very healthy for me.

Today I had two beers, it was a two beer kind of day. I took Jackie to the vet, then had to take my car to the dealership for some recall replacement thing (I don't know cars, but I know something needed to be fixed and they were going to fix it). After leaving my car at the dealership I went to lunch with Mike and had a slice of pizza, the greatest but in moderation really not that bad. It was one slice and nothing else, granted it was a large slice. After he dropped me off at home, I proceeded to clean my room, bathroom included, and wash all my dirty clothes.

Then Mike came back over after work so that when they called to tell me my car was ready I would have a ride to go pick it up. He decided to look at my computer that I had out in the garage and see if it was usable or something (I don't speak computer). As he was turning it on and getting it all up and running, the background picture pops up and it was a head shot of Val Kilmer. I have the BIGGEST crush on that man.

Well the photo brought back all these old memories of college and how much I enjoyed it and miss that time and my friends from there. College was one of the best things I ever did.

But then Mike starts laughing at how little RAM is on the computer and how the firewall is from a company that doesn't exist nor is the internet program I used at the time, NetScape. I know he was just joking around and was a little nostalgic himself for the old memories these antiquated programs brought up. But it made me defensive. I bought that computer with my own money for $1000 in 1999. It was a big deal and I was so excited to even HAVE a computer for college that was my very own. My parents had barely gotten a computer themselves. That computer is almost 10 years old and the advancement in technology are exponential, but I felt like he was mocking me and the computer I had chosen. Even though I know he wasn't.

Then while I am still cleaning my room and washing clothes, Mike starts talking about me moving in and what his ideas are about my portion of rent. He says how about I pay $320, which is 10% of his mortgage and then $100 for utilities. How do I think this sounds? I am perfectly paying all of this, it is actually less than what I am paying now. But it stresses me out to think about moving and money is always stressful. Then it makes me angry because I think of Little Jon and how he doesn't pay any of the rent he promised to pay Mike and because of that I feel like I am getting shafted. Mike keeps going on and on about how he can really use the rent money and I just want to scream at him...FUCKING make Little Jon pay you or demand he work in trade around the house!

If I don't pay my rent, then I get EVICTED. Apparently if you are Little Jon, then nothing bad happens when you don't pay rent.

Little Jon himself stresses me the hell out. Something bad is always happens to him and it never his fault. What the hell ever! He watches cartoons all freaking day, finally decides to get going for the day around 3-4pm in the afternoon then heads on out. Usually he goes out the bar and staggers in around 3am. This of course causes Shadow to go balistic and that in turn wakes me up. I have to go to work at 7:30am so I would really appreciate sleeping through the night. On nights where he doesn't go out, he sits on the couch and criticises everything. He never has anything positive to say. It is always how something isn't right or he could do it better or blah blah blah. And him and Mike constantly bicker and I can feel myself getting tenser and tenser.

We get back to Mike's after getting my car from the dealership, I am hungry (only thing I have eaten was the piece of pizza earlier), I am cranky because I still feel defensive about my computer, and who is home, Little Jon. GAH!

So, I wanted two beers. And I happily wrote them down in my tracker like the good little weight watcher fatty I am :)

I am hopeful this week will be a loss week. I am determined to not be fat forever. Happy tracking!
The Perkster - Ramblings of a hungry fat girl. Design by Exotic Mommie. Illustraion By DaPino