Thursday, April 23, 2009

Thousand Word Thursday

Completely blocking out the people sitting behind me on the ride while my youngest brother, Alex, has an identical expression as me and my middle brother, Sam, makes it look like his hands belong to Alex, all while trying to not fall out of the "log".

This picture makes me laugh everytime I look at it!

Cheaper Than Therapy

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

boys and their caulk

Mike has decided to get his house ready for an appraisal to refinance. Sweet, cool, whatevs.

Wait, did I mention that this means he is now replacing ALL his baseboards and door frames so they match his new window frames? And painting several rooms in his house. Including the kitchen and that means the cupboard doors and drawers too! And THAT means I "get" to help.

I am a little less thrilled about this now. And seeing the hallway and kitchen with out door frames and without baseboards makes me more than a little nervous. The "boys", Mike and his buddy Little Jon, are notorious for having genius ideas and starting projects, but for whatever reason they never quite get completed. All I know is there better be baseboards and door frames up throughout the house by the end of the week. Little Jon says by Thursday, but I will be generous and give him through the weekend to finish.

Also, do you even know how many cock jokes they make while talking about caulking? I was in the back room feeding my cat, Maggie, which of course means I was talking and singing to her and LJ is outside the window (the open window) and he says to me, "Hey, you're talking to your pussy and I am playing with caulk." Then he giggled like a schoolboy. Boys are D-U-M dumb!

And to top off my "excitement" about these projects my project karma decided to teach me a lesson for being such a doubter. As I was trying to open the 5 gallon paint bucket I nearly ripped off my right pointer finger nail. And yes, it hurt like a mother and I am sure the cats learned some very choice words. There is quite the bruise under my fingernail now and it may turn into a blood blister and need to be drained...I am soooo lucky.

Keep your fingers crossed that everything is completed quickly and the house is returned to normal!

Friday, April 17, 2009

I hate being a grown up

What do you do when you realize your boyfriend will never marry you? How much time do you give it to see if he will decide that you are the one he wants to be with?

As hard as it is to admit, today I came to the realization that Mike most likely won't marry me. I don't think he will marry anyone. And it hurts to know that somehow I am not enough or what he is really looking for.

We have been together a little over a year and he still can't tell me if he can see himself married to me or having a family with me. He says he loves me and we seem happy. But lately I have begun to I wasting my time?

I know that sounds harsh, but I DO want to get married and have children and create a family. And if that is not going to happen with Mike, then I need to figure out what my next step is.

I feel like I am in this constant state of limbo. I am not quite sure where I fall into the grand scheme of things. I live in his house and there is no vested interest for me here. It is not my home, it's his and he lets me stay...for now.

Maybe Mike doesn't want to get married and have kids because he is too busy being a big kid himself and doesn't want to deal with the responsibilities and obligations that come with being married and having a family. Maybe he wants to stay a "Toys R Us Kid".

It just sucks all around. I feel stuck. I love him and want to be with him, but if he doesn't see a long term future together, then I need to move on. I am stagnating in this world of "well maybe".

Thursday, April 16, 2009

So...what you're saying want a blizzard

As I sat watching the end of the news, I decided that I wanted a Blizzard from Dairy Queen. My intent was to just make a quick trip to Dairy Queen and be back in time to watch Jeopardy. Instead, actually making it out the door took longer than the drive to Dairy Queen and back. Jeopardy had already started by the time I got back.

Me: Hey, Mike, where is the closest Dairy Queen?
Mike: Why do you want to go to Dairy Queen?
Me: Because I want a blizzard.
Mike: Oh. Goes back to playing WoW
Me: still looks at him expectantly…nothing

Me (several minutes later): screw this; I will look it up myself (mumbled to myself)

Several more minutes pass as I search online for the nearest Dairy Queen.

Me: Hey, I am going to Dairy Queen.
Mike: What? Why?
Me: Beeecause, I WANT a blizzard (didn’t we just have this conversation?)
Mike: Oh. Well, I kind of wanted to go with you.
Me: Yeah, that’s not really possible because you are playing your game.
Mike: Yeah. Goes back to playing WoW
Me: looks at Mike thinking, HELLO!
Me: So, do you want anything?
Mike: Oh, yeah, I think I want their #1 blah blah blah…are you getting a meal?
Me: Nooo, I want a blizzard (again, didn’t we just have this conversation?)
Mike: Alright, then I will just get a blizzard.
Me: What kind of blizzard?
Mike: Hmm, Reese’s Peanut Butter or maybe….thinking
Me: raises eyebrow and tries to wait patiently
Mike: I think I want a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup and Mint Oreo.
Me: Those are two different blizzards.
Mike: Can’t you mix them?
Me: Um…no.
Mike: Well, what kind are you getting?
Me: I am not sure yet, but I am thinking of a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup.
Mike: I don’t trust the look on his face: Well what if you get that one and I get the mint oreo one and we trade off?
Me: Well I am not sure if that is the blizzard I want, I wanted to look and see what other kinds there where when I got there. And I think they have a new one I might want to try.
Mike: Alright, just get me a Reese’s Peanut Butter one.
Me: Okay, sounds good. I will be back. Grabs purse and keys and leaves quickly.

30 minutes after I started this conversation I was home and had my blizzard.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

How to 'Fly a Sign'

As a social worker I consider myself somewhat of an expert on the art of 'flying signs'. For all you "laypeople", flying a sign is what we call, in the "industry", panhandling with a cardboard sign on a street corner.

Below are some key points I think are important for successful sign fly-age:

*Don't write a novel. I am driving, most likely not stopping for long at a light and frankly I don't have a lot of time to read the essay you wrote on why I should give you my money. Be concise.

*Write BIG! I should be able to read your sign from several car lengths back. If I am squinting trying to read your sign as I am passing you...not good.

*Use a dark marker. On a tan cardboard sign, dark colors stand out and are easier to read.

*Don't make drug or alcohol references. A sign with "4:19" on it or one that says, "why lie, I want a beer", does not encourage me to give you MY hard earned money.

*Gimmicks can be okay..."Bet you can't hit me with a quarter" "Dancing for change" Both clever and original, you may just get some of my money.

*DO NOT under any circumstances approach my stopped vehicle if I do not have my hand out the window indicating I am giving you money. People, especially women, do not like when strangers approach their window, especially unkempt, scary men (yes, I am stereotyping). I will not be giving you money if you do this. I will lock my doors and get my cell phone out to call 911.

And lastly....

*Don't tell me you are a "struggling student". I will stop my car just to bitchslap you, but I will not be giving you any money. I have been a broke student, but you get financial aid which helps cover living expenses. I lived off of ramon noodles and free pizza for several years. I have no sympathy for you,I am still paying off my student loans!

Follow my simple guidelines and you could be earning spare change in no time! Best of luck in your sign flying!
The Perkster - Ramblings of a hungry fat girl. Design by Exotic Mommie. Illustraion By DaPino