Thursday, August 27, 2009

A room without books is like a body without a soul

I love books. No, really, I LOVE books. I. LOVE. BOOKS.

I love to go into bookstores and just think about all the stories waiting to envelope me. Sometimes I will wonder up and down the aisles, running my hands along their spines until one just speaks to me. Used bookstores have the smell of books well loved. There is no such thing as too many books.

There are books in every room in my house. Literally. Even the bathroom has a book or two.

So here I was tonight, wasting time surfing the internet and looking for new blogs to read, since I have read all my current subscriptions. Either I read too much, or you all don't post often enough ;) I am going to go with the former.

AnyWAY, I stumbled upon this little gem and I am going to share it with you all, even though I don't want any of you to win the book because I want it. Without further ado I give you Sara of Sara's Organized Chaos and she is GIVING AWAY A BOOK!

Don't these books make you smile! I rilly rilly rilly want one.

P.S. I totally snaked this photo from her blog. I hope she doesn't mind.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

30 years and counting

Today is my parents 30th wedding anniversary. I hope they had a special day and I wish them 30 more years together. They'd be almost 90 but it's totally doable. And at the point they will both probably be senile and just be happy there is someone else there to wipe their ass and remind them where they left their teeth.

I know they have not always had an easy road together. There have been tears and fights and triumphs and three amazing kids (if I do say so myself). I hope to be them one day. the math bitches, I'm the oldest child at 28, that makes me 100% legit! Booyah!

I hope we all are lucky enough to find what my parents have.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Sleep study = no sleep for E

The awesomeness that is a sleep study:

My sleep study was originally planned for Friday night. I figured even if I didn't get a good night's sleep then I could rest up on Saturday. No, not so much. They called Friday afternoon to let me know that the technician was sick and could I move my study to Sunday. Okay, fine, whatevs...

Sunday, I am supposed to be there at 8pm. I leave my house late and get slowed down even more by an accident. I am late and already stressed. Boo.

I walk into the waiting room and there are two old men waiting for their studies and I notice they both have pillows along with their bag of personal items. MONKEY'S BALLS! I forgot my pillow! Of course they have pillows there but they asked us to bring our own so we would be more comfortable. I am off to a great start.

*Also I am missing Big Brother, True Blood, and Hung while I am at this sleep study. They should totally give me a medal!

I am taken back to the room and the technician explains what all is going to be happening and I even get to watch a nifty video. Yawn. The technician tells me that she will be back around 9:30 to get me all hooked up and I will be ready to go to sleep.

I get into my PJs, read my book for a little bit and then the technician is back and she has a grip of wires and electrodes, etc etc.

I am hooked up to every monitor ever created by humankind. It took 30-45 minutes to get them all attached. There were nine placed all over my head, in my hair, with glue. There was one on either side of my eyes, snore monitor (awesomeness) stuck to my throat, two thingies on my forehead, and another on my chin. In addition I had an electrode attached to either calf, wires going up through my pants, up the back of my t-shirt and out the neck. To monitor how much effort I used to breathe, there was a strap around my chest and another around my gut (yes, my gut also sometimes called my waist or stomach). To top off the fabulousness, I had the tubing they use to give patients oxygen, across my upper lip, except it was to monitor my air output when I breathed out instead of blowing air in. All the wires and tubing were collected into a kind of ponytail at the neck of my t-shirt.

What? Where is the photo? HA HA HA, you are so funny. There is no photo evidence, well at least from me. I was frightened just looking in the mirror. No one needs to see that. EVER.

It is important to remember at this point that I am the world's lightest sleeper. And I am now expected to go to sleep with wires stuck all over my face on my legs, in an unfamiliar place, in a unfamiliar bed, and it is all being filmed.

That shiz better never end up on YouTube!

I am told I can go to sleep in whatever position I normally do, but that after I have been asleep for awhile they will tell me (through an intercom) to roll over onto my back. *E* does not equal back sleeper. Also, if I need to get up at all during the night I have to say, "I need to get up" and wait for the technician to come into the room and disconnect me from the wall.

Have I mentioned how awesome this is going to be? Not only am I so outside my comfort zone I need a passport, but now I am all paranoid about being filmed. I don't know what I do while I am sleeping!

11:00pm - lights out

11:30pm - finally fall asleep on my side

12:00am - woken up by the technician telling me over the intercom to turn over onto my back

1:15am - Technician tells me I can go back to sleeping on my side since I have been tossing and turning and trying to fall asleep for over an hour on my back and it's not working.

2:00am - Technician comes into the room, I wake up immediately. She tells me she is turning on the fan because the room is getting too warm and they don't want me sweating too much...the electrode thingies might come off if I do that.

3:30am - Technician comes back into the room to check my nose breathing thing because she isn't getting a reading from the left nostril. It had slipped off my ear and out of my nostril.

4:00am - I have to pee. I wait for the technician to come disconnect me, go pee and climb back into the bed, takes about 20 minutes to fall back asleep.

6:15am - Technician back in the room to wake me up for the day.

It takes her about 15 minutes to get all the things stuck all over my body disconnected and then she tackles the glue patches throughout my hair. She did manage to get most of it out, but there were two blue patches in the middle of my part.

I get home and so tired I can't even think about going to work at 8am. I crawl into my own bed, snuggled up with the kitties and pass the eff out until 11am. It is safe to say that Monday was not my most productive day at work.

I really hope they got all the information they needed because if they tell me I have to do another sleep study I may stab someone in the eye.

P.S. BF finding the blog is not bad, it just means I will have to be more aware of what I say about him and our relationship :)

Monday, August 24, 2009

sleep study schmeep study

I had a sleep study last night. But I am so tired right now because I didn't sleep well at all. So I will tell you all about it tomorrow.

For realz!

P.S. my BF just found my blog...

Friday, August 21, 2009


*Today is the final walk through on my house

*I have my full sleep study tonight (makes me nervous)

*I close on my house on Monday

*My washer and dryer and fridge are being delivered on Tuesday

*I will start moving next week and the following weekend

*The week after next I will no longer be living with my boyfriend

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Riding the cotton pony

Dear Period,

You suck! I hate you! You are lucky that I plan to have children one day or you would be in BIG trouble. Huge, ginormous, you don't even know. You don't EVEN. KNOW!

If you insist on making a monthly visit, do you have to be suck a bitch about it? I mean really.

Of course there have been times (like once or twice) where I am anxiously awaiting your arrival and becoming scared shitless more and more stressed as I wait. And then you appear, and that month you are my best friend. And I love you and welcome you with open arms.

But usually you are evil. Let me list the ways in which you make my life hell:

*Chocolate craving ('cause when I am already feeling bloated and emotional, I should really eat more candy)
*Period poops (I mean REALLY?! is that necessary? Seriously?)
*Channeling my inner Diana Ross Diva
*Crying at the drop of the hat - dog food commercial, yep made me cry
*Nipples that hurt

It has been 17 years, can't we work something out?


Friday, August 14, 2009

Going to the Chapel

My best friend Jen is getting married tomorrow. Right now we are chilling in the Hilton (the hotel, not Paris) on the 11th floor enjoying the view of Eugene. I am so excited! Here are some shots of us at the bachelorette party, that I still haven't posted about.

We went rollerskating, we weren't aware we were supposed to be naked!

She was really excited about rollerskating and all the other fun to come this night!

We made sure she wore proper attire for the festivities

This what she looks like after a blow job (the shot people, the shot). There were 5 bachelorettes there and Jen smoked them all with her mad skills!

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Seriously I don't want to be spiderman or woman.

Dood, seriously I almost got eaten by a spider last night. For realz!

There I was, laying in bed when I had to pee. I set my book down, climbed out of bed, and headed to the bathroom.

Now in the bathroom I sit down and pee. Now it's time for toilet paper. I could do this in my sleep, hell I basically have done this in my sleep, in the middle of the night, in the dark. My hand stretches out toward the toilet paper and at the last second I turn my head to see what I am doing. AND THERE IS A FUCKING SPIDER ON THE ROLL OF TOILET PAPER!

*Uh, have I mentioned my GINORMOUS phobia of spiders? Yeah, I got one of those. And somehow someone sometime convinced me to watch Arachnophobia...doesn't help when you are already terrified of the 8 legged freaks. Not cool.

I yank my hand back so fast I hit myself in the nipple (that hurt). A terrified squeal leaves my lips and I sit there frozen, panties around my ankles. What do I do? What do I do? I then spy a roll of paper towels on the bathroom counter. It was a little rougher than I would like ideally, but it did the trick and I was able to get off the toilet without having to drip dry and run for my life.

Now that I am no longer stuck on the toilet and I have put my big girl panties back on I am feeling braver. And that spider isn't going to win and be left to run willy nilly around the house, waiting to attack my unsuspecting ass. GAME ON!

I wad up the biggest wad of paper towels ever and turn toward the toilet paper to wage my battle. I cautiously approach, but my bravado falters and I hesitate with the wad of paper towel hovering above the spider, who hasn't moved the entire time.

As I am hovering, working up the courage to actually squish the spider, the little fucker lifts his butt and jumps at me. JUMPS AT ME! JUMPS!

Fortunately I have lightening quick reflexes and was able to leap (in a single bound) onto the bathtub and to safety, while screaming hysterically.

After what felt like an hour hovered on the tub edge I decide to look for the spider that is now on the floor somewhere. But first I ran into the bedroom and acquired the proper spider killers aka shoes. Armed with flip flops I venture back into the bathroom. It took a little bit but finally I found him. Just sitting there in camo on the tile floor. I know he was just waiting for me to come back and sit on the toilet and he would jump me for real this time. Oh no, I wasn't having none of that!

With a dramatic flourish I squished his spider ass with my shoe.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

So, I have a fat pack. It's like the rat pack only not.

Yeah, and I'm not talking about my tummy!

I am the world's lightest sleeper. It takes me forever to fall asleep, the slightest noise will wake me up. I regularly sleep with ear plugs. I hardly ever feel rested in the morning. I drink coffee in the morning to get the caffeine boost to try and make it through the day. I am ALWAYS tired, but I never nap because it only makes it harder for me to fall asleep at night.

Finally, I decided to go have a consultation with the Sleep Disorder Center.

The Dr asks me questions about my sleeping habits, bed time, caffeine and other stimulant use. Then he looks in my throat.

He whips out his little light thingie, I stick my tongue out and say "ahhhhh". Then he asks me if I still have my tonsils. I was a little surprised because my tonsils are not small, I have had other Dr's exclaim, "Wow, those are huge!" Awesome, just what every girl wants to hear, not only do I have be self conscious about the size of my ass, but now I have to worry about my HUGE tonsils!

"Yes. In fact they are rather large from what I have been told. They almost took them out when I was younger because I would always get strep throat." I replied.

"Hmm. Okay let me look again." This time he pulls out the tongue depressor and I open up again and say "Ahhhh"

"Oh yeah, there they are."

We talk some more about possible reasons for my sleep issues, including my asthma, seasonal allergies, blah blah blah.

Then he says he thinks I might have a minor case of sleep apnea, but not to the point where I stop breathing or my oxygen levels actually drop. He says because of my height and weight aka because I am a fatty (but I was happy he didn't call me fat or obese. Kudo points to him) they know I have a fat pack at the back of my throat and that is why he didn't see my tonsils the first time. My fat pack hid them.

Isn't that what every girl wants hear? They have a fat pack in their throat. I didn't realize I needed to be worried about my throat gaining weight!

So anyWAY. I have a fat pack and this narrows my airway from front to back, but I also have GINORMOUS tonsils (he told me I would have been better off if they had removed my tonsils as a child) that narrow my airway from side to side. When I am sleeping I am breathing through a very narrow opening and to top it off I am also very asthmatic.

The Dr. thinks that the reason I am such a light sleeper is because I will take one deep breath and then a bunch of shallow ones and my body is never able to fall into deep sleep. I am always just in the light part of sleep and thus easily awoken and never feel refreshed.

Thanks to my huge tonsils and fat pack - I have a full sleep study scheduled for the 21st. I have to check in at 8pm, they will hook me up to every conceivable probe/electrode, put me in a dark quiet room and tell me to go to sleep. On my back. I am not a back sleeper, ever. It will be interesting to see if I sleep much at all during the study.

**I tried to find a picture of a fat pack, but was unsuccessful. I will try and get one at the Sleep Center.

Monday, August 3, 2009

More house pics

And some more for your viewing pleasure:

My pretty cabinets. I picked them out and everything.

My bathroom with no toilet...yet

The tiled entryway

Marking my territory

My mom is holding up the shutter so I could see what it would look like. And my dad is supervising. What? Yeah, he is wearing a straw hat. that's how he rolls, yo!

The House Yo!

Here are some updated photos on the progress of my house. In case you haven't been paying attention, I am all set to close on August 24th. It is exciting and terrifying all at once. Enjoy and feel free to comment on how awesome my house is, it makes me smile ;)

Blogger is being dumb and won't let me post all the pictures in this post so now there are two posts.

Saturday, August 1, 2009

To tip or not to tip

This post all started with a blizzard...

I believe in tipping. Tip Karma is so important! I believe in tipping for good service. I tip and I tip well and if I feel I have received exceptional service I tip exceptionally well.

People I tip:

*Servers - many servers in many states don't even earn the federal minimum wage and are expected to make up the rest in tips.

*Hair stylist - okay, my hairstylist is marrying my brother soon, but I would tip her anyway. This is the person in charge of making my hair fabulous and she has scissors near my head. Of course I want to show my appreciation for her skill.

*Esthetician (aka waxer)- Anyone coming at me with hot wax, aimed at sensitive areas, whether it's my eyebrows or my girly areas deserves a tip. I don't want to make them angry. EVER!

*Barista - 1. Anyone who is able to talk to me first thing in the morning before I have had any coffee, with a smile on their face deserves a tip. Me + Morning + No Coffee = CRAZY OGRE. 2. They get up WAAAAAY earlier than me, that in itself deserves a tip!

*Food delivery person - Pssh, they are bringing my food TO MY DOOR!

*Bartenders - Hello, they are making my drink, nuf said!

People I don't tip

*Gas attendants (I live in a state where gas is pumped for us) - They are doing their job. They are not going out of their way to be helpful. I am legally not allowed to pump my own gas. They have not gone above and beyond what is expected.

*Fast food worker - They have not come to my table to take my order, they have not delivered my meal to my table, they do not come and check to see how I am doing. I walk up to the counter, place my order and take my tray to my table and then bus my own table. Where in there have they earned a tip?

The other night Mike and I headed to Dairy Queen for blizzards. And we used the drive thru. When we arrived at the window there was a jar on the ledge and it said, "Tips are always appreciated". Wha...? Huh? Seriously? Are they for reals right now? Why do they think what they have done warrants a tip? I didn't even get OUT of my car and all they did was hand me a bag with my order out a WINDOW. The only tip I ever got when I worked the Wendy's Drive Thru was "stay in school or this could be your job indefinitely." Excellent advice by the way.

Like I said, I am all for tipping and tipping well when it is earned and deserved, but there has to be a line. Or eventually we will be tipping for every little thing.

Who do you tip?
Who do you not tip?
And why?
The Perkster - Ramblings of a hungry fat girl. Design by Exotic Mommie. Illustraion By DaPino