Friday, August 5, 2011

Little Dude

I took a blogging hiatus. Obviously…

At the end of May beginning of June my world exploded into crazy. Work, always stressful. Money, never enough. Falling more in love with a wonderful man, amazing! Having my heart stolen by his adorable son, precious. Finding out that precious little boy tested positive for meth, earth shattering. Helping Stuart fight for and get sole custody (temporary until Oct and it’s made official), worth every sleepless night, stress headache, and tear shed.

Today is 8 weeks that Little Dude has been with his daddy and away from his drugged out mother. In 8 weeks he has gone from a sickly, underweight, scared baby to a happy, talkative, healthy little boy. In those 8 weeks he has thrived (he’s grown a whole inch!). Everyone talks about how happy he seems and carefree. A 3 year old should always appear happy and carefree. They shouldn’t be screaming and crying and making themselves vomit when they have to go back to their mother’s at the end of the weekend. At 3 life is supposed to be easy. There should not be anxiety attacks when you are 3. And at 3, a child should definitely not be mimicking smoking a bong or meth pipe.

I never thought I could despise someone as much as I despise BM (baby mama). Knowing what she has done to her son…she is supposed to be the one keeping him safe, instead she is the one inflicting the damage. Never once has she even acknowledged that her son tested positive for meth, never once. It is always about blaming someone else. Even once her own drug test came back, positive for meth, ecstasy, and marijuana, she still said Stuart (whose test was clean) was the one who gave Little Dude the drugs.

I don’t know what her delusional fantasyland is like, but I am happy to not live there with her. And more importantly, neither does Little Dude.

Oct seems so faraway, when the final orders will be decided. But it will be here before I know it. I get worried that something might go wrong and somehow she will be allowed to get him back. It terrifies me. Then I have to remind myself that she is the drug user, she is the one whose entire family has drug histories and trouble with the law, she is the one who misses court dates and important meetings with people who have a big say in the outcome (Child Family Investigator), she is the one who doesn’t always make her nightly phone calls and then makes up lame excuses as to why, she is the one who misses appointments with CASA to start her supervised visits. She is the one who is shooting herself in the foot and ensuring she never has custody of her son again.

For Little Dude’s sake I hope that one day she is able to get herself together and her act cleaned up and be a part of his life. But for now I am happy with her being as far away from him as possible.

And now I leave you with a picture of a happy 3 year old, chilling in his self made ball pit with some books and a puzzle:


Smart Ass Sara said...

First off, I can't tell you how happy I really am for you because you left your other BF because he didn't want kids... and now you have an awesome guy and an insta-family. It's really great and I'm over the moon for you.

And I'm sad Little Dude has such a shit mom. He doesn't deserve it and knowing my little guy is 3, I can't even imagine doing those things to him. Kids are awesome but they are a lot of work... and it's supposed to be worth it. And if she can't put forth the effort she should just let go because it'd be better for LD in the long run. So you know I'm crossing my fingers for you!

Lin said...

I can't believe I missed this post...I'm so glad that you're happy & doing well. I'm also super glad that his junkie of a mom is far from him. What kind of a person does that? At least now he has you & his dad to be the positive influences in his little 3yr old life. He looks adorable in that photo!

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