Hi Friday. Want to make out?

So lets recap the awesomeness that was this first full week back at work since the holidays (is anyone else counting down the days until MLK day on the 18th? yeah me too).

I have gone to look at the calendar multiple times this past week and every time I look up to see December staring back at me...'cause I am lazy and haven't gone and actually gotten a calendar for the new year. Sweet! I need a calendar because I write down all my awesome appointments. Okay, none are really awesome.

Being that it is a new year, my insurance has changed. Less than amused. Let me just say first, I am SOOOOOOOOOO thankful for a job that provides me with health insurance. But it is frakkin inconvenient. They sent out new insurance cards the first week of Jan. Genius that I am, I lost mine. I pulled it off the paper with every intention of putting it in my wallet. Somewhere between being in my hand in the dining room and my purse on the kitchen counter it went poof and disappeared. I would have felt worse about this except, they printed the WRONG information on the cards. My new card is on its way now to my mailbox, thank you very much!

Biggest inconvenience of having new insurance...the information, oh, say THE PHARMACY has on file is no longer valid. Have I mentioned that I am asthmatic and take advair? and have an albuterol inhaler? Normally my advair copay is a whooping $15 and my albuterol is a measly $5. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH they told me I had to pay today when I went to pick up my advair? $148! Pssh, no thank you I will be back when I get my card in the mail. Good thing it wasn't an important medication to yanno help with something vital to survival like say, breathing!

Also this week I took the big leap and switched from comcast cable to satellite cable. It has me a little worried, but mostly because I have always had comcast and I know how it all works. This satellite thing is going to take a little getting used to. Plus for the same package I had I now pay $40 less a month. Booya!

I dripped super glue on my laptop keyboard yesterday. The backspace key isn't that important, right? RIGHT?! Okay, I did manage to get most of it off before everything set and stuck for life (because I have lightening quick reflexes). And the key still works.

I crate my dog when I go to work because well sometimes he likes to read when I am not around:

(I blame the jack russell, he is always trying to get Shadow into trouble)

Today when I left for work I gave him the second half of his rawhide bone. When I came home at lunch and let him out, Jackie walked around the house with the knotted end (all that remained) in his mouth. Then before I knew it he had gone back into his crate and proceeded to chew up the rest of his bone. The door was wide open, but he had no desire to come out while he had part of a bone to work on. He is a funny funny little man.

He just stole the bone that Shadow was gnawing on right out from under Shadow's paw. Shadow looks completely stunned. And to add insult to injury, Jackie farted as he ran away with the bone and I think I might die

I hope all your work weeks ended with a laugh and you all enjoy your weekend!

Seriously I don't want to be spiderman or woman.

Dood, seriously I almost got eaten by a spider last night. For realz!

There I was, laying in bed when I had to pee. I set my book down, climbed out of bed, and headed to the bathroom.

Now in the bathroom I sit down and pee. Now it's time for toilet paper. I could do this in my sleep, hell I basically have done this in my sleep, in the middle of the night, in the dark. My hand stretches out toward the toilet paper and at the last second I turn my head to see what I am doing. AND THERE IS A FUCKING SPIDER ON THE ROLL OF TOILET PAPER!

*Uh, have I mentioned my GINORMOUS phobia of spiders? Yeah, I got one of those. And somehow someone sometime convinced me to watch Arachnophobia...doesn't help when you are already terrified of the 8 legged freaks. Not cool.

I yank my hand back so fast I hit myself in the nipple (that hurt). A terrified squeal leaves my lips and I sit there frozen, panties around my ankles. What do I do? What do I do? I then spy a roll of paper towels on the bathroom counter. It was a little rougher than I would like ideally, but it did the trick and I was able to get off the toilet without having to drip dry and run for my life.

Now that I am no longer stuck on the toilet and I have put my big girl panties back on I am feeling braver. And that spider isn't going to win and be left to run willy nilly around the house, waiting to attack my unsuspecting ass. GAME ON!

I wad up the biggest wad of paper towels ever and turn toward the toilet paper to wage my battle. I cautiously approach, but my bravado falters and I hesitate with the wad of paper towel hovering above the spider, who hasn't moved the entire time.

As I am hovering, working up the courage to actually squish the spider, the little fucker lifts his butt and jumps at me. JUMPS AT ME! JUMPS!

Fortunately I have lightening quick reflexes and was able to leap (in a single bound) onto the bathtub and to safety, while screaming hysterically.

After what felt like an hour hovered on the tub edge I decide to look for the spider that is now on the floor somewhere. But first I ran into the bedroom and acquired the proper spider killers aka shoes. Armed with flip flops I venture back into the bathroom. It took a little bit but finally I found him. Just sitting there in camo on the tile floor. I know he was just waiting for me to come back and sit on the toilet and he would jump me for real this time. Oh no, I wasn't having none of that!

With a dramatic flourish I squished his spider ass with my shoe.

So, I have a fat pack. It's like the rat pack only not.

Yeah, and I'm not talking about my tummy!

I am the world's lightest sleeper. It takes me forever to fall asleep, the slightest noise will wake me up. I regularly sleep with ear plugs. I hardly ever feel rested in the morning. I drink coffee in the morning to get the caffeine boost to try and make it through the day. I am ALWAYS tired, but I never nap because it only makes it harder for me to fall asleep at night.

Finally, I decided to go have a consultation with the Sleep Disorder Center.

The Dr asks me questions about my sleeping habits, bed time, caffeine and other stimulant use. Then he looks in my throat.

He whips out his little light thingie, I stick my tongue out and say "ahhhhh". Then he asks me if I still have my tonsils. I was a little surprised because my tonsils are not small, I have had other Dr's exclaim, "Wow, those are huge!" Awesome, just what every girl wants to hear, not only do I have be self conscious about the size of my ass, but now I have to worry about my HUGE tonsils!

"Yes. In fact they are rather large from what I have been told. They almost took them out when I was younger because I would always get strep throat." I replied.

"Hmm. Okay let me look again." This time he pulls out the tongue depressor and I open up again and say "Ahhhh"

"Oh yeah, there they are."

We talk some more about possible reasons for my sleep issues, including my asthma, seasonal allergies, blah blah blah.

Then he says he thinks I might have a minor case of sleep apnea, but not to the point where I stop breathing or my oxygen levels actually drop. He says because of my height and weight aka because I am a fatty (but I was happy he didn't call me fat or obese. Kudo points to him) they know I have a fat pack at the back of my throat and that is why he didn't see my tonsils the first time. My fat pack hid them.

Isn't that what every girl wants hear? They have a fat pack in their throat. I didn't realize I needed to be worried about my throat gaining weight!

So anyWAY. I have a fat pack and this narrows my airway from front to back, but I also have GINORMOUS tonsils (he told me I would have been better off if they had removed my tonsils as a child) that narrow my airway from side to side. When I am sleeping I am breathing through a very narrow opening and to top it off I am also very asthmatic.

The Dr. thinks that the reason I am such a light sleeper is because I will take one deep breath and then a bunch of shallow ones and my body is never able to fall into deep sleep. I am always just in the light part of sleep and thus easily awoken and never feel refreshed.

Thanks to my huge tonsils and fat pack - I have a full sleep study scheduled for the 21st. I have to check in at 8pm, they will hook me up to every conceivable probe/electrode, put me in a dark quiet room and tell me to go to sleep. On my back. I am not a back sleeper, ever. It will be interesting to see if I sleep much at all during the study.

**I tried to find a picture of a fat pack, but was unsuccessful. I will try and get one at the Sleep Center.

To tip or not to tip

This post all started with a blizzard...

I believe in tipping. Tip Karma is so important! I believe in tipping for good service. I tip and I tip well and if I feel I have received exceptional service I tip exceptionally well.

People I tip:

*Servers - many servers in many states don't even earn the federal minimum wage and are expected to make up the rest in tips.

*Hair stylist - okay, my hairstylist is marrying my brother soon, but I would tip her anyway. This is the person in charge of making my hair fabulous and she has scissors near my head. Of course I want to show my appreciation for her skill.

*Esthetician (aka waxer)- Anyone coming at me with hot wax, aimed at sensitive areas, whether it's my eyebrows or my girly areas deserves a tip. I don't want to make them angry. EVER!

*Barista - 1. Anyone who is able to talk to me first thing in the morning before I have had any coffee, with a smile on their face deserves a tip. Me + Morning + No Coffee = CRAZY OGRE. 2. They get up WAAAAAY earlier than me, that in itself deserves a tip!

*Food delivery person - Pssh, they are bringing my food TO MY DOOR!

*Bartenders - Hello, they are making my drink, nuf said!

People I don't tip

*Gas attendants (I live in a state where gas is pumped for us) - They are doing their job. They are not going out of their way to be helpful. I am legally not allowed to pump my own gas. They have not gone above and beyond what is expected.

*Fast food worker - They have not come to my table to take my order, they have not delivered my meal to my table, they do not come and check to see how I am doing. I walk up to the counter, place my order and take my tray to my table and then bus my own table. Where in there have they earned a tip?

The other night Mike and I headed to Dairy Queen for blizzards. And we used the drive thru. When we arrived at the window there was a jar on the ledge and it said, "Tips are always appreciated". Wha...? Huh? Seriously? Are they for reals right now? Why do they think what they have done warrants a tip? I didn't even get OUT of my car and all they did was hand me a bag with my order out a WINDOW. The only tip I ever got when I worked the Wendy's Drive Thru was "stay in school or this could be your job indefinitely." Excellent advice by the way.

Like I said, I am all for tipping and tipping well when it is earned and deserved, but there has to be a line. Or eventually we will be tipping for every little thing.

Who do you tip?
Who do you not tip?
And why?

I love fridays!

Okay, so last night's post was a little Debbie Downer, but having let all of that out, I feel somewhat lighter.

And besides...IT'S FRIDAY!

And I totally think I need to win this little giveway from ♥Aubrey. I mean really I could use a little pampering!

I will have to post pictures of my house since that last ones where just of the foundation. I have walls and a roof and cement porches and patios and driveways (okay, only one driveway). They painted the inside yesterday and my cabinets are up. BUT most exciting of all, my closing date is set for August 24! That is just around the corner.

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to.

I have found myself close to tears almost everyday for the last week. The smallest thing can make me just want to burst into tears. I have even cried myself to sleep several nights in a row.

Everything is changing and I don't do change well. I am closing on my house August 24th and that means I will be moving out of my boyfriend's house. I will be living on my own for the first time ever. I will be a home owner and that is just terrifying.

My boyfriend and I have reached a crossroads in our relationship. At this point he should be able to tell me if he sees us getting married one day or if he wants children one day. And he can't. That hurts. But I know I don't have to convince anyone to marry me. One day I will find someone who thinks the sun shines out of my ass. I know that once I move out we most likely won't be together much longer.

But I still want him to act like he is going to miss me for more than the rent money I paid him. I want to feel like I was important to him and that he enjoyed our time living together. I want to know I mattered to him and I can't just be replaced easy breezy. While I know he will miss me and I know he loves me as much as he is able, he doesn't really say much about me leaving. Does it mean he doesn't care? Does it mean he wants pretend it's not really happening because he doesn't want to deal with his feelings? I don't know.

I am also trying to get a new job. I am stagnating in my current position. I dread going in to work most days because I get so bored. I really want this new position. But I am so shy around new people and interviewing is not my strong suit. I get so flustered. I can do this job and I can do it very very well. The key is getting the position. I want it so badly!

On top of that our union has renegotiated our contract. We are not getting any cost of living adjustment, our step increases have been frozen for the coming year, and to top it all off we are going to have to take furloughs (mandatory unpaid days off). Because of my income level I will be required to take 12 furloughs. I am only $14 away from having to take 14. Learning I am going to be taking about a 5% pay cut right as I am getting ready to take on the responsibility of a home owner makes me break out into a panicked sweat.

Everything is changing and changing fast for me. I am trying to take it all in stride, but part of that stride apparently is me crying my way through.

Pull the thread and the sweater unravels.

Hello my lovelies,

I know I haven't been very active lately, but my world 'in real life' has been super busy.

*My best friend is getting married in less than 4 weeks, last weekend was her bachelorette party (post on that to come...I swear!). And there are lots of little things I am trying to help her with in the coming weeks.

*I am in the process of having a house built and it is going to be completed early. So, I have been trying to get everything in order for that. Including buying a refrigerator and front loading washer/dryers (I know, my hippie is showing)

*This weekend is Relay For Life and I am the team captain and have been working feverishly to get everything in order for that.

*I work 40 hours a week

*I am applying for a developmental position that will hopefully turn into a permanent position and my application and cover letter and supplemental questions are all due on Thursday.

*Things in my personal life are difficult and have only been adding to my stress level. I am sure there will be a post on this as well, but I don't know when. I don't know when I want to share all of that.

I feel like I am juggling so many balls and I just know one is going to drop and it will all come tumbling down. I just need a second to breathe, yet I can't seem to find one.

Thanks for bearing with me!

~E

May cause drunk texting

My best friend Jen is getting married 4 weeks from today. So tonight we are celebrating the end of her singledom (okay, she has been part of a happy couple for over 2 and half years, but you know what I mean). As her maid of honor I was responsible for throwing her the most KICK ASS bachelorette party evah! And I think I have succeeded...if I am coherent enough tomorrow I will try to post a recap.

To celebrate Jen, today I have rented out the local skating rink. There will be about 12 of us and we get the rink all to ourselves for two hours. I am sure we will rock out to the raddest 80's songs, some cheesy early 90's. And of course you can't roller skate without doing the Hokey Pokey! While at the rink we will enjoy ice cream cake and cotton candy, okay, the cotton candy is iffy.

After we finish with skating we are heading off to dinner. Mexican food is yummy! There we will down margaritas, see just how red Jen can turn as she opens all the inappropriate porn shop gifts, and get evil glares from other diners because we are giggling so obnoxiously. It will be great.

When dinner is finished and we have all fully embraced the fun and festive ambiance, we will all head over to our friends, Amber & Beth's house where we will freshen up for a night on the town.

One of my co-workers also moonlights as a limo driver so he hooked me up with a sweet deal and is going to drive us around town to all the bars in this bad boy:





Martine assured me that he would have the limo FULLY LOADED, champagne toasts here we come. We are going to paint this town as red as Jen's face.

I am so excited! I hope you all have just as fabulous a day as I am anticipating.

P.S. The photo of the limo was taken in the city where I live. I live in such a beautiful State. It is just a short 10 minute drive for me to get to that exact location. Isn't that view gorgeous?!

He's a dog and hates reading

So I guess my dog Jackie is mad at me because he was left home all day. I was out with my best friend Jen today running errands for her wedding. And then we practiced making bouquets and put together her center pieces. It was an all day adventure. I headed out about 11am and came home to feed the dogs and let them out around 6:30pm, then headed back to Jen's about 7:15pm. This isn't a completely unusual time period for the dogs to be home unsupervised. Well, apparently today Jackie took exception. This is what I came home to tonight at about 11pm.


They don't even look the slightest bit apologetic. Bastards!


Jackie did not care for reproductive advice...maybe because he's neutered. This book used to be 'Pathways to Pregnancy and Parturition'. (I have an Animal Science Degree, I was gonna go to vet school and animal husbandry was a required course and I have always found genetics and reproduction fascinating.)

Jackie also destroyed Animal Breeding and two other books about horses.

I was so mad I was in tears. I called both Jen and Mike in tears just to tell someone else how upset I was. And the worst part...even though I wanted to yell at Jackie, I knew he wouldn't understand why he was being yelled at. And it's not like you can explain to the dog why what they did was wrong. But I scolded anyway.

I think Jackie is also mad because Mike has been gone since Wednesday. So all his people were gone today. Now Jackie is going back to his crate training...boo. I also know it was Jackie because I have seen him pull down a book before (not since last Sept, thought he had grown out of this bad habit) and before we got Jackie, my books were never in danger. Shadow had no interest in them. He just wants any food that may have been left out.

*Sigh* Ok, I am off to blow my nose, wash my face, and pet my dog and let him know he is still loved.

I like to watch

The Tour de France you pervs, the Tour de France!

Mind. Gutter. Out.

My love affair with the Tour began five summers ago. I had just moved back to Oregon after being in Idaho for school. My best friend and I had moved together and when we moved back we were both unemployed and living with my parents. There was nothing to watch during the day except Soap Operas and I just couldn't get into those and you could only fill out so many job applications. Then one day I turned on the TV and there was the Tour. I was hooked.

It was the Tour de France where Lance Armstrong was going for his 6th win and the following year he went for his record breaking 7th win. I was riveted. That summer during the month of July my parents were also having all the carpets in the house replaced. Watching the Tour gave me something to do while the carpet guys where there and it meant I didn't have to make small talk (something I can SUCK at) and it also was something that wasn't cheesy or embarrassing to admit I was watching. They would ask, "what are you watching?" and I would be all, "oh, you know, the Tour de France."

For some reason I was fascinated. All the jockeying and strategy. The Tour is not won by an individual, it is won by a team. Without the sacrifices of his teammates, Lance Armstrong would never have won a single Tour.

I have a whole new vocabulary...

GC: General Classification

Peloton: French for group, in cycling it means the main bunch of riders. When the main bunch splits up, there can be several pelotons.

Feed Zone: Designated riders from each team collect musettes for their teammates and pass them out.

Musette: A cloth shoulder bag handed to riders at feed zones filled with drinks and food. Fans go crazy trying to get one when riders discard them when they are finished eating.

Breakaway: When a solitary rider or group of riders pulls off the front of the main bunch. Strategy and luck have a lot to do with whether the break will arrive successfully at the finish line. If there’s a rider who’s considered dangerous in the overall classification, the other teams will collaborate to bring the breakaway back. But sometimes if a rider is so far down in the overall standings or if the main bunch is too tired to work, a strong breakaway can survive to fight for the victory.

Drafting: It’s easier to ride behind someone else than to ride at the front breaking through the air mass, so riders will take turns cutting the wind and then save energy riding on the wheel of the bike directly in front of them.

The Tour is 23 days long and the competitors ride everyday but 2. There are flat stages, mountain stages, and time trials. And...

LANCE ARMSTRONG IS BACK THIS YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There are two US sponsored teams, Team Columbia and Team Garmin, but they are made up of riders from around the world. Lance Armstrong used to ride with Team Columbia, which was known as Team Discovery Channel and prior to that Team US Postal Service. This year, Lance (we are on a first name basis) is riding for Team Astana this year and it is a team based out of Kazakhstan. I love watching Lance ride, he is such an amazing rider and so aware of everything that is going on around him.

But my absolute favorite rider is Big George Hincapie.

Photo by Ken Conley

He is currently participating in his 14th Tour. He is only 2 away from tying the record. While he has never won a Tour, he was Lance's right hand man in every Tour he won. This year they are on different teams and I wonder what that is like. George Hincapie is simply a great rider and a true team player.

Am I aware that this makes me a nerd. Yes, the nerdiest. And I am okay with that. Now, I must go, the finish for today's stage is just about upon us...

Happy cycling!

A Dude

Dear A Dude,

I find your anonymity interesting because you felt the need to comment on my blog, knowing that what you posted could be controversial and could possibly hit a nerve. And instead of owning your comment you chose to use the name “A Dude” and didn’t link back to anything. Maybe you simply don’t have a blog to link back to, in which case why would you chose to not even leave a name. If there is no link, how am I supposed to know this John from that one.

While E and Perkster are not my real names, they are both nicknames that I go by. I also don’t think that it is any secret that my real name is Erica. But while E and Perkster are not my real name, I also own my blog and what is in it. I owned the words I chose to write and I am willing to defend what I wrote because it is something that I feel strongly about. I don’t leave anonymous comments on others blogs. I own my comments, the good and the bad.

I wrote my blog because I wanted to vent my feelings on being labeled as something I am not. And as I stated numerous times, I do not believe this woman meant any insult, but I was still insulted. And I am allowed to feel the way I do, especially as a member of a group that is marginalized in society. I also do bring it to people’s attention when I feel the time and place are appropriate. Did I feel it was appropriate to call this woman out on referring to me as a girl in passing in the work place? No. So I picked my blog as my outlet.

Gender equality is something I am very passionate about. And gender inequality should not be passed on from one member of the group to another. While the incident with my co-worker was not intended to be insulting or demeaning, I used it in my blog because it was an example of how pervasive this type of language is and how blindly we throw out labels without thinking what that label really implies. Was there a deeper meaning in what this woman called me? No. But eventually I am called a girl one too many times or I am referred to as guy all day long and I just can’t remain silent for another moment. Language seeps into our subconscious and we attach meaning and definitions to words we hear and when we hear terms like girl when referring to a grown adult female, subconsciously we are labeling her as less than in regards to her male counterpart who is referred to as a man.

Do you truly not see the difference in the implications of being called a Tomboy vs being called a Sissy? Do you not see how the term used for a boy showing ‘feminine’ qualities is offensive, while the term for a girl showing ‘masculine’ qualities is not inherently offensive? What is wrong with boys and men showing softness, gentleness, compassion and vulnerability? And how does this make them less of a man? I believe that men and women are made up of both masculine and feminine parts and society is what has determined which is more acceptable for those with penises and those with vaginas. Doesn’t tapping into these different aspects make us more well rounded people? Why then is the feminine aspect spurned and degraded when expressed by those who are male?

In response to your question:
“If the majority of people don’t consider the language oppressive, but you do, does that say more about you or more about them?”
I will tell you what it says about me. It says that I am aware of the androcentric world we live in and I am aware of how language perpetuates gender inequality. I don’t go around with my head in the sand. Someone has to question things. If no one ever questioned the “way things are” then there would still be slavery, women would not be able to vote, women and children would still be considered property, the US would still be an English territory, Monarchs would still rule France, etc.

Part of me hopes that maybe you just like playing devil’s advocate and stirring the pot. If not, I hope you take a moment and think next time you go to refer to a woman as a girl or a group of people as guys or are looking for an insult for your male friends.

I never claimed my blog was unbiased or the influences in my life would be left out of all my ramblings. My experiences are what make me who I am today and of course they are going to come out in my posts. Am I always PC? No. This where I talk about my day and express how I feel about different incidents. You are welcome to read it, that is why my blog is not private and you are welcome to comment. If you truly disagree with what I say, then I would love to hear it. But if you chose to comment simply to rile me up, please feel free to go elsewhere.

Sincerely,
E, The Perkster, Erica

I have a soapbox and today it is called Feminism

First let me say, I am a feminist. This is not a dirty word. It doesn’t mean I hate men. It simply means that I believe there should be equality between the sexes. I think the patriarchal foundation of our society needs to be questioned and rocked. We should not all be sheep who simply go along with everything that is fed to us everyday by society through the media and bureaucracies and institutions that mold us into contributing members of society. I don’t think men should be pushed down so that woman can get ahead. Neither of us should be oppressed. Oppressing men so women can succeed, is still oppression and wrong. And when I say I think there needs to be equality between the sexes, I mean the good and the bad. If men have to register for the draft, then so should women, etc etc. Yes, I shave my armpits and legs (though I did struggle with this for a long time). I like to wear make-up and feel pretty. I like to feel feminine. But I don’t think my femaleness should somehow make me less than.

The other day at work I was called a girl.

This irritated me more than I probably should have let it, but whatever.

I am not a girl. While I may look like I am barely 16, I am a full fledged adult. I am a woman.

It sounds silly when I say that, but I AM a woman. I am not an old woman or even a middle aged woman. I am a young woman, although I can see 30 from where I sit. I can legally vote and drink. I am buying my first home. I pay all my bills. I am self sufficient. I am NOT a girl.

While the woman who referred to me as a girl meant no malice or insult, I still found it insulting. Yes, she is older than I am and may even have children who are close to me in age. But I am not her child and in the work place I am her co-worker and peer. In fact I am a higher classification than she is and I have more seniority. I am not trying to sound bitchy, it is just so frustrating.

There is no way to bring attention to this issue without it coming off as my being a whiny kid. Which is exactly what I am trying to NOT be perceived as.

Too often we throw out language and don’t think about the connotation of the word we chose or how the recipient will interpret it.

Girl:
1 a: a female child from birth to adulthood b: DAUGHTER c: a young unmarried woman dsometimes offensive : a single or married woman of any age
2 a: SWEETHEART bsometimes offensive : a female servant or employee

I know you may be reading these definitions and be thinking well, you could be a girl. Except we no longer live in society where young women are expected to get married or marriage somehow makes a person more of an adult. Does being married a 28 make someone less of girl than myself who is not married at 28? No.

I also cringe when I am referred to as a guy or a group of women are referred to as guys. I am not a guy. Guy is a masculine term and I am not male. By referring to me as a guy or a group of woman as guys, it erases our gender, our femaleness. It singles us out as “others” we are not the norm, which is male. How would a group of men feel if someone walked up to them and said, “Hey gals!” And I hate when people are referred to as guys and girls.

The terms guys and girls are not equitable. Guys and gals, boys and girls, ladies and gentlemen, men and women, these are the correct pairings. By calling people guys and girls there is a subconscious inferiority of females inferred.

I don’t think people are deliberately offensive or trying to create inferiority. I try to believe people generally mean well. But language is so important and people just don’t pay attention. The issue is not whether someone intended an insult, but whether or not an insult was perceived. Ignorance is not an excuse. People need to be aware of the impact of their words.

Think of all the degrading names for men or people who show weakness:
Pussy
Wuss
Sissy
Pansy Ass
Acting like a little girl
Throw like a girl
Scream like a girl

All of these have a negative connotation with being female in some capacity and that being feminine is not to be desired. What is wrong with being female? We make up more than 50% of the world’s population! Did you know that all fetuses start out as female and begin to develop as female in the first few weeks? (ok, that is a simplification and technically the sex is determined at conception with the melding of XX or XY chromosomes, but prior to the influence of testosterone the fetus goes along as female) That is why men have nipples, the body was preparing to be female and starting the process of creating mammaries. But the XY combination releases hormones early on to stimulate male development. (Of course there is a lot more to it and I don’t have all day to explain)

I am also a fluent Spanish speaker so I am aware that English is not the only sexist language. Most of the “romance” languages are extremely sexist. A whole gaggle of people could be hanging out together and there is only one male in the whole group and the rest are female, but when referring to the group the masculine form is used. I get that. But it doesn’t make it okay or right or any less oppressive.

If you made it all the way to the bottom of this and don’t want to send me hate mail…Yea for you! I am now stepping off of my soapbox and going back to work :)

Butt Dialing ruins all the fun!

My Weekend:

*woke up as Mike was leaving for the day and night

*took a shower (serious accomplishment, I know)

*got dressed

*headed over to my parents' house so I could take them to the airport (they are going to Sitka Alaska for a friend's impromptu wedding), but stopped at Starbucks on the way...hello, I NEEDED my coffee

*after dropping my parents off I went and did some retail therapy
-I bought a bike helmet so my brain stays safe in my skull. And discovered that I have a small head and needed to purchase a YOUTH helmet because the adult helmet was waaaay too loose. Awesomeness-not
-I hit up Old Navy because they were having a great sale, got a couple tank tops and sweatshirt thingy
-I went to Macy's and got some fun new Mac eye make-up, woo hoo and while I was there I figured I should see about getting a new beige bra (my all time favorite beige bra that I wore under all my white tops, broke :(, the underwire snapped in half the other day and it is not fun to have underwire pinching and jabbing you in the boob) so I found a new bra I liked.

*After that excitement I came home and hung out with the boys, Shadow and Jackie, then I decided to experiment with my new eye shadow.

*Later I got dressed for the girls night, I did my new eye make-up, put on a black tank and headed out. Black was the color of the night apparently.

*Celebrated Andrea's 32nd birthday with booze, good food, and cake. The talk revolved around queefing, being crafty in attempts to have sex after children, pooping with children, constipation while pregnant, pooping after giving birth to children and some of our desire to NEVER have children after these talks. I know classy right. It was super fabulous, it's okay to be jealous.

*Oh yeah and I forgot my ID so I had to use my passport to prove I was of legal drinking age. Super awesome! Yeah, I am not positive why my passport was in my purse either, but hey it's good to be prepared in case you have to leave the country in a hurry.

*We had all decided to head out to the Rocking Rodeo or as I affectionately call it...The Hodeo. But in the course of that discussion Andrea butt dialed her husband who heard the whole conversation about going out dancing and drinking at the Hodeo. He called her back and was all angry because she had said we were all just going out to dinner and nothing about dancing. Complete buzz kill.

*Headed home and read my book for awhile, then super tired headed to bed. I opted not to remove my eye make-up or any of my make up as it was almost 2am when I was climbing into bed, not ever a good idea or good for my face.

*This morning at 5:45 am my dogs spotted a squirrel outside on the fence, little fucker!, and they went completely ape shit trying to get him. Even though they were inside and he was outside. It scared the crap out of me! I then had to go around and close all the curtains and blinds on the french doors so they could no longer see outside.

*Since I was up I decided to pee, I am a morning pee-er and would have been up in an hour to pee anyway. As I walked into the bathroom, I glanced in the mirror and it looked like someone had punched me in both eyes. It wasn't pretty. So then I decided to wash my face.

*When my face was clean and moisturized I crawled back into bed and promptly fell back asleep.

*It is now about 1:30, I have been up for about 4 hours yet I remain in my pajamas. Mike is not home yet but should be in about 1.5 hours. I will make sure I am dressed by then.

*Until then I am simply enjoying my lazy Sunday afternoon and tonight I will be enjoying a new episode of True Blood.

I hope you all had a great weekend, I know I did. And it's a short work week since I have Friday off in honor of the 4th!

Toilet bandit strikes again. Okay it's not really a bandit, but I liked the ring of that better than "Office Trannie is Back". I guess either works

Okay, first, this is completely unrelated to the toilet incident, but yesterday was my birthday. I had to go testify before the grand jury for work and I had never done that before. It was really interesting. AND I got a cruiser bike! I am so excited. Isn't it purdy!



All I need now is a basket and a bell.

Now back to the toilet. Remember how I mentioned someone has been leaving the toilet seat up at work in the women's bathroom? Well since then I have been trying to capture it in a photo for all of you, as any die hard blogger would do. Without further ado I present the toilet mystery:



What the hell?! I just don't get it. It was mentioned that perhaps someone is vomiting in the toilet, but wouldn't they want to get rid of any evidence indicating that they were purging? Therefore putting the seat down? Also, there is the toilet seat tissue paper thingy in the toilet too. Or if they are wiping the seat down because water splashes up after flushing (it can be a pretty powerful whoosh), then why isn't there just a little wad of toilet paper in there instead of the toilet paper and seat cover.

We know who is doing it, we just don't know why. I am also pretty sure she is not a trannie (but with the work done these days it can be hard to tell). She is married, I know it doesn't mean she wasn't a dude at some point, but she has told me that her and her husband are trying to get pregnant...pretty sure going boy to girl does not enable a person to get knocked up. I mean there is that one guy over in Bend who went from girl to boy and is pregnant for the second time, but he was born with the right girl parts for that. And besides, he lives in Bend Oregon and I am in Western Oregon.

I am thinking of posting this picture on the door to the bathroom with a note that either says, "Why are you leaving the seat up? We don't want to fall in and we are wicked curious as to why you have this strange quirk." or "WTF?! Put the seat down, this is the women's restroom. We shouldn't have to worry about falling in!"

Dental Floss blows and I don't mean the thong kind

I know Flashback Friday is tomorrow and for all my devoted readers who are anxiously awaiting another installment of the 'Family Vacation' (that would be all of you, you're all devoted to me, right? RIGHT?!) there is another one planned for tomorrow. But since I went to the dentist this week, I thought this post was fitting and still true...

Originally posted Dec 2008 on Myspace:

I went to the dentist this week. I dislike going to the dentist. Now I don't dislike the dentist because they poke and prod and scrape my teeth. I don't dislike it because my mouth is sore afterwards. Actually I don't mind the teeth cleaning at all, sometimes I even start to fall asleep as I am sitting in the chair. And of course you get presents when you go the dentist, new tooth brushes, tooth paste, and floss.

The reason I don't like the dentist is flossing. I hate flossing, it kind of grosses me out. I have short stumpy fingers and it can be hard to get to those "hard to reach places". And I really only floss when something gets stuck between my teeth.

But every time I go to the freaking dentist they ask me if I have been flossing. Have I ever been flossing regularly? In all the years I have gone there, every six months when I come in, has my answer EVER been yes?! NO! Because I hate flossing. Hate it, hate it, hate it!

Always after I answer no (I have considered just telling them yes, but they can tell once they start working on my teeth that I am lying) I then get a lecture on why flossing is so important. And that I should really make an effort to do it. And when I am older I will appreciate that I flossed when I was younger. Blah blah blah bablah. I get it already.

I am not 10. I am a grown up with my own damn health insurance and if I don't want to floss then I really don't have to. If one day, when I am 80 and my teeth rot out of my head and it is all due to the lack of flossing in my youth, then I give the dentist full permission to say, "I told you so." Until then, shut the hell up and stop lecturing me on flossing.

So, that is why I hate going to the dentist. But I do have a cool new toothbrush (and another package of floss to add to the ever growing collection in my bathroom drawer).

What's that smell?

I am home sick today :( The past few days I have just been feeling off and not very well. I ended up leaving work early yesterday and sleeping all afternoon. And today I decided to not even go into work.

Being sick blows. You aren't at work but you can't really do anything exciting or fun because you don't feel well and lack the motivation and energy to do anything.

I was sitting here, reading blogs and checking email and yelling at my dogs who wouldn't stop barking and I kept getting whiffs of this smell. I kept trying to figure out where it was coming from...did I need to wash the blankets on the couch, did I need to wash my dog who was curled up next to me? Then I realized what smelled, it was ME!

Since I have been sick I didn't shower yesterday and then I hadn't showered today either. Also I had been running a slight fever and once it broke I was all sweaty. It is never fun to realize that the unpleasant odor you are detecting is actually coming from yourself!

Needless to say, I have showered now and no longer stink, but I still feel crappy.

I like drinks with umbrellas

For Memorial Day weekend I went camping. Now, before I say anything else, let me say that I had a good time. I had fun and did not hate any of it (okay except the part where I swallowed a bug, could have TOTALLY done without that). In fact I would even go camping again.

I just don't happen to be a camper, my family never really went camping. I don't take the initiative to plan a camping trip, I don't want to have to figure out the details. I don't own a tent or a sleeping bag. I only own a camping chair because I needed one for a birthday party out at a park. God help us all if I am in charge of food for a camping trip! Unless it's the s'mores 'cause I have that down to an art!

I don't really understand the appeal of camping. You pack everything you already have at home and head off into the wilderness where you will set up a tent aka shelter...which you had at home. Start a fire for warmth and possibly to act as your stove...have both of those at home. During the twilight hours you are fighting off bugs and spraying yourself down with toxins so you don't get bitten...yeah, if I was home, in my house - no bugs.

Birds wake you up at the freaking crack of dawn or small children with whistles, whatevs (oh, did I mention I am also not a morning person and I happen to be the lightest freaking sleeper ever). The nights are so cold you huddle around the fire trying to get warm and then the smoke blows in your face, awesome for asthmatics! Then you go to bed and the mere thought of getting naked to bump uglies makes you want to cry because your teeth are chattering so hard. I was in pajama pants, a long sleeve shirt and socks. I NEVER wear socks to bed.

And to add to the chill at night, I happen to be a nighttime pee-er. I typically pee 1-2 times a night. Not so awesome when you have to crawl out of your blanket cocoon, search for flip flops, try and get the flip flops on over your socks, and trek outside and decide if it is worth making the hike to the "toilets" (scary scary and smelly toilets) or just 'rough it' outside. Half asleep you have to pee without peeing on your pants (or foot) and then drip dry it is.

I also burn at the thought of direct sunlight and I don't like to swim in water I can't see the bottom of and that fish poop in.

People tell me that the appeal of camping is get away and hang with friends and/or family. That is great and I get that. I really do. But you can get away and hang with friends and family at an awesome resort with a fruity drink complete with an umbrella, shaded by palm trees, relaxing at the swim-up bar at the pool. There is indoor plumbing, meaning toilets AND showers. Climate controlled rooms, air conditioning for when it gets sweltering hot and heaters for when you start to feel the chill in the air. And real beds, not air mattresses that start to deflate during the night. That's the kind of camping I want to do ;)

But to quote my 5 year old camping buddy, Haley, when asked what was the best part of camping..."the chocolate". Now that girl has her priorities in order!

Tag 8

Alright, since The Marvelous Mrs. E tagged me and I have nothing better to do...here it is:



8 Things I'm Looking Forward to:

1. Buying my first house

2. Buying a new car

3. Jen's wedding

4. Decorating my new house

5. My birthday

6. Big Brother starting in July (don't judge me)

7. Paying off my stupid credit cards

8. Getting my first horse (it almost makes me pee my pants in excitement!)



8 Things I did yesterday:

1. Got weighed - lame

2. Got blood drawn - lame

3. Got a speeding ticket - super lame

4. Cried - awesome

5. Celebrated Mike's birthday

6. Ate dessert

7. Watched the season finale of Criminal Minds *tear*

8. Talked to my mommy




8 Things I wish I could do:

1. Not say sarcastic comments outloud before I think them through

2. Travel the world

3. Lick my own elbow - hey, this would be a cool party trick. Speaking of cool party tricks...

4. Tie a cherry stem into a knot with my tongue

5. Sign Language - besides the message I am able to convey with one finger

6. Cook like my brother

7. Go horse back riding right this minute

8. Be invisible whenever I chose


8 Shows I watch:

1. Medium - or I did until NBC cancelled it, CBS better pick it up!

2. Criminal Minds

3. True Blood

4. Big Brother - shut the hell up!

5. Deadliest Catch

6. Grey's Anatomy

7. Private Practice

8. House




8 Tags:

1. A Life of Simple Pleasure

2. Lady Jane

3. Fidgeting Gidget

4. Alyssa (I know you like to defy the blog gods, but I thought I would try)

5. Miss Rosa

6. LiLu

7. PinkNic

8. Ella Everywhere

Imaginary friends are cool and all

Do you ever have conversations with yourself? In your head? And then wonder if it was all really only in your head or if you said somethings out loud?

Yeah, me too.

I often dictate emails or responses to IMs in my head before I actually write it out. I will play out whole conversations in my mind. Usually the conversations in real life don't come close to what I imagined. Now usually, all this takes place in my mind and not out loud where anyone can hear me and conclude that I am insane. But every once in awhile I wonder...

Today I was composing an email to this guy Kyle. I trying out different phrasing and what all I wanted to say. I hadn't actually sat down at the computer to type it out. I was still working out the kinks in my mind first.

While doing this I realized I had to pee.

I head into the bathroom at work go into a stall and do my thing. The whole time I am composing my email. I come out of the stall and start washing my hands and I realize that I am not alone in the bathroom. One of the other stalls is also occupied.

Great!

I start to replay everything in the last few minutes and try to determine if I said anything out loud. I am still not convinced that the whole thing only happened in my mind.

It is quite possible that my co-worker now believes I have an imaginary friend named Kyle.

You might be a douchebag...

if...

*You pull out in front of me on the street and cause me to slow way down and THERE IS NO ONE BEHIND ME! Asshole.

*You get into the passing lane and DON'T FUCKING PASS the car in the other lane. Asshole.

*You refuse to drive the EFFING SPEED LIMIT. Asshole.

*You throw a fit at the cash register because your Subway sandwich wasn't one of the $5 footlongs and you want the deal anyway. You picked the sandwich and failed to look at the menu board. Idiot.

*You talk to me like I am idiot while I am trying to buy golf clubs and don't know what I am doing and have actually asked you questions...SINCE IT'S YOUR FUCKING JOB!

*You deliberately park in more than one space so no one else can park too close and scratch you car. This makes me want to key your car!

*You drive a huge truck and insist on parking face out. And in the process manage to hold up the rest of us.

There are many many more ways someone might be a douchebag. These all happened today or in the not too distant past. Please add to my list below.