Tuesday, December 16, 2008

You may have a small penis but ice can still kill you

It snow. Yea, woo hoo, yippee. Whatever, shut the hell up! I hate snow. Despise it with a passion. Now I realize when the first snowfall happens, everything is covered in white and pretty. Everything looks so clean and bright, blah blah blah. Two minutes later it is covered in footprints, people have driven through it making is brown and dirty, and dogs have turned it yellow (hell I know a few people who probably helped turn it yellow or worse). Few days later, beautiful snow is now reduced to brown slush. I have also skidded through one too many stoplights, screaming in fear of my life, to enjoy snow anymore.

Then the day warms up and it starts to melt. Children are outside playing in the snow, creating snowmen and snow forts and having snowball fights, because of course all schools have closed due to the measley 2 inches of white stuff.

Alright, I know schools and stuff close down when there is any snow mainly because it never snows here so the city isn't prepared handle it and can't clear roadways or salt the roads, etc etc. But I digress.

So the snow begins to melt that first day and then the sun begins to disappear below the horizon. This makes the temperature drop too and guess what that does...freezes the melting snow in to lethal slabs of ice. Lurking on roadways to send your car into terrifying skid or camoflauged on the sidewalk waiting to make you fall as you caustiously make your way down the road.

Ice = scary

Black Ice = scarier

Assholes driving huge vehicles when ice is present = scariest fucking thing ever.

Apparently there was some memo that went out informing SUV and truck drivers that they will be immune to all possible weather hazards created by snow and freezing temps. Okay, let me back up...not all drivers of said vehicles are idiots, some do have common sense and I thank them for using it.

Usually these douchebags are younger guys who have purchased their HUGE vehicles to compensate for what they lack in their pants (and their brains apparently).

This morning I am slowing making my trek to work. I live in West Eugene and have to drive all the way to 30th and Main in Springfield, on a good day without other cars impeding my progress I can usually make it in 15 minutes. Today however it took me easily 40+ minutes.

One of the aforementioned douchebags gets right up on my ass as I am driving down the road. Apparently my honda civic and I were not going fast enough for him. And since he was in a monstrously huge truck he felt he should be able to go faster. So, now not only am I trying to be a good driver in the snow and on ice, I also have to keep an eye on testerone boy behind me.

Finally he passes me and goes on his dangerous way. I lived in Idaho for 6 years and became pretty familiar with driving in the snow and how to do it. Of course I also had studded tires put on my car every winter. I don't get studded tires anymore because I really don't need them here and they are horrible for the roads. But, I DO know how to drive in the snow.

These assholes every year come tearing down the streets in the SUVs and Trucks and think that just because they have those vehicles, ice won't get them. Well if you don't know how to drive in the snow or how to handle a spin out or slide then it really doesn't matter what you are driving and frankly you are now another danger for people just trying to arrive safely at their intended destination. Having 4 WD does not make your car automatically fit for the snow, yes it will handle better, but there is still danger. And having a truck can be even worse. Most trucks get their power from their back wheels because in theory, if you have a truck you are hauling something or carrying something in the bed. If your bed is empty on your truck, you're fucked. Your vehicle can't get any traction and you spin out.

So, just because you have purchased this vehicle to make you feel better about the little thing in your pants, remember, ice doesn't care and it will try and kill you. And if you continue to be an asshole it will try and kill not only you, but other innocent people on the road too!


Suze said...

That's a fucking awesome post, Erica. Rock on!

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