Friday, April 17, 2009

I hate being a grown up

What do you do when you realize your boyfriend will never marry you? How much time do you give it to see if he will decide that you are the one he wants to be with?

As hard as it is to admit, today I came to the realization that Mike most likely won't marry me. I don't think he will marry anyone. And it hurts to know that somehow I am not enough or what he is really looking for.

We have been together a little over a year and he still can't tell me if he can see himself married to me or having a family with me. He says he loves me and we seem happy. But lately I have begun to wonder...am I wasting my time?

I know that sounds harsh, but I DO want to get married and have children and create a family. And if that is not going to happen with Mike, then I need to figure out what my next step is.

I feel like I am in this constant state of limbo. I am not quite sure where I fall into the grand scheme of things. I live in his house and there is no vested interest for me here. It is not my home, it's his and he lets me stay...for now.

Maybe Mike doesn't want to get married and have kids because he is too busy being a big kid himself and doesn't want to deal with the responsibilities and obligations that come with being married and having a family. Maybe he wants to stay a "Toys R Us Kid".

It just sucks all around. I feel stuck. I love him and want to be with him, but if he doesn't see a long term future together, then I need to move on. I am stagnating in this world of "well maybe".

6 comments:

Cathy said...

I'm sorry :( That does suck.

You're the only one who can decide what is best for you. I guess my thoughts would be that he should at least *know* whether or not you are "the one" after a year. He may not be ready to actually DO anything about it yet, but a year is plenty of time to figure it out.

Anyway, I'm sending you a virtual hug...

E said...

Thanks. The hug was needed :)

Myka said...

I can relate to this. I've been dating my bf for almost 9 years. Ive been working for his family for the past 4.
The big question has loomed over us for so long that I just roll my eyes when his mom tells me, to my face, that my clock is ticking (Im 27).
What we have done is kept our assets and liabilities separate. The house is in his name, and I do not pay rent. My car is in my name 100% , and I make my car payments.
We are leaning toward thinking about having children in the near enough future, so we are considering marriage now. It has taken us almost 9 years to get to this point. My biggest advice is to not worry about planning out your 'master plan'.
If you are both happy and think marriage and kids in 5 years or so might be ok, then that is ok! It has worked for us so far.

remember moments said...

I'm sorry to hear that. That's a tough spot to be in and I'm sure it sucks.

On the up-side, at least you recognize it now and haven't spent more years with him waiting and waiting.

Good luck and I hope you work it out and you are happy!!!!

a noni mouse said...

i know man..im feelin that too. just remember these two things: 1. his indecision isnt about you. 2. YOUR decisions first and foremost have to be ONLY about you. being 'selfish' definitely FEELS counter intuitive i know BUT its important. for more reasons than i can explain right now bc its lunch. ;D

Charmed said...

Whatever you do...DON'T just get married to get married. You will regret it. Get out there and find the man you LOVE!!! The man that makes your stomach drop and your knees weak!!

YOU CAN DO IT!!!

 
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