Seriously I don't want to be spiderman or woman.

Dood, seriously I almost got eaten by a spider last night. For realz!

There I was, laying in bed when I had to pee. I set my book down, climbed out of bed, and headed to the bathroom.

Now in the bathroom I sit down and pee. Now it's time for toilet paper. I could do this in my sleep, hell I basically have done this in my sleep, in the middle of the night, in the dark. My hand stretches out toward the toilet paper and at the last second I turn my head to see what I am doing. AND THERE IS A FUCKING SPIDER ON THE ROLL OF TOILET PAPER!

*Uh, have I mentioned my GINORMOUS phobia of spiders? Yeah, I got one of those. And somehow someone sometime convinced me to watch Arachnophobia...doesn't help when you are already terrified of the 8 legged freaks. Not cool.

I yank my hand back so fast I hit myself in the nipple (that hurt). A terrified squeal leaves my lips and I sit there frozen, panties around my ankles. What do I do? What do I do? I then spy a roll of paper towels on the bathroom counter. It was a little rougher than I would like ideally, but it did the trick and I was able to get off the toilet without having to drip dry and run for my life.

Now that I am no longer stuck on the toilet and I have put my big girl panties back on I am feeling braver. And that spider isn't going to win and be left to run willy nilly around the house, waiting to attack my unsuspecting ass. GAME ON!

I wad up the biggest wad of paper towels ever and turn toward the toilet paper to wage my battle. I cautiously approach, but my bravado falters and I hesitate with the wad of paper towel hovering above the spider, who hasn't moved the entire time.

As I am hovering, working up the courage to actually squish the spider, the little fucker lifts his butt and jumps at me. JUMPS AT ME! JUMPS!

Fortunately I have lightening quick reflexes and was able to leap (in a single bound) onto the bathtub and to safety, while screaming hysterically.

After what felt like an hour hovered on the tub edge I decide to look for the spider that is now on the floor somewhere. But first I ran into the bedroom and acquired the proper spider killers aka shoes. Armed with flip flops I venture back into the bathroom. It took a little bit but finally I found him. Just sitting there in camo on the tile floor. I know he was just waiting for me to come back and sit on the toilet and he would jump me for real this time. Oh no, I wasn't having none of that!

With a dramatic flourish I squished his spider ass with my shoe.

So, I have a fat pack. It's like the rat pack only not.

Yeah, and I'm not talking about my tummy!

I am the world's lightest sleeper. It takes me forever to fall asleep, the slightest noise will wake me up. I regularly sleep with ear plugs. I hardly ever feel rested in the morning. I drink coffee in the morning to get the caffeine boost to try and make it through the day. I am ALWAYS tired, but I never nap because it only makes it harder for me to fall asleep at night.

Finally, I decided to go have a consultation with the Sleep Disorder Center.

The Dr asks me questions about my sleeping habits, bed time, caffeine and other stimulant use. Then he looks in my throat.

He whips out his little light thingie, I stick my tongue out and say "ahhhhh". Then he asks me if I still have my tonsils. I was a little surprised because my tonsils are not small, I have had other Dr's exclaim, "Wow, those are huge!" Awesome, just what every girl wants to hear, not only do I have be self conscious about the size of my ass, but now I have to worry about my HUGE tonsils!

"Yes. In fact they are rather large from what I have been told. They almost took them out when I was younger because I would always get strep throat." I replied.

"Hmm. Okay let me look again." This time he pulls out the tongue depressor and I open up again and say "Ahhhh"

"Oh yeah, there they are."

We talk some more about possible reasons for my sleep issues, including my asthma, seasonal allergies, blah blah blah.

Then he says he thinks I might have a minor case of sleep apnea, but not to the point where I stop breathing or my oxygen levels actually drop. He says because of my height and weight aka because I am a fatty (but I was happy he didn't call me fat or obese. Kudo points to him) they know I have a fat pack at the back of my throat and that is why he didn't see my tonsils the first time. My fat pack hid them.

Isn't that what every girl wants hear? They have a fat pack in their throat. I didn't realize I needed to be worried about my throat gaining weight!

So anyWAY. I have a fat pack and this narrows my airway from front to back, but I also have GINORMOUS tonsils (he told me I would have been better off if they had removed my tonsils as a child) that narrow my airway from side to side. When I am sleeping I am breathing through a very narrow opening and to top it off I am also very asthmatic.

The Dr. thinks that the reason I am such a light sleeper is because I will take one deep breath and then a bunch of shallow ones and my body is never able to fall into deep sleep. I am always just in the light part of sleep and thus easily awoken and never feel refreshed.

Thanks to my huge tonsils and fat pack - I have a full sleep study scheduled for the 21st. I have to check in at 8pm, they will hook me up to every conceivable probe/electrode, put me in a dark quiet room and tell me to go to sleep. On my back. I am not a back sleeper, ever. It will be interesting to see if I sleep much at all during the study.

**I tried to find a picture of a fat pack, but was unsuccessful. I will try and get one at the Sleep Center.

I love fridays!

Okay, so last night's post was a little Debbie Downer, but having let all of that out, I feel somewhat lighter.

And besides...IT'S FRIDAY!

And I totally think I need to win this little giveway from ♥Aubrey. I mean really I could use a little pampering!

I will have to post pictures of my house since that last ones where just of the foundation. I have walls and a roof and cement porches and patios and driveways (okay, only one driveway). They painted the inside yesterday and my cabinets are up. BUT most exciting of all, my closing date is set for August 24! That is just around the corner.

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to.

I have found myself close to tears almost everyday for the last week. The smallest thing can make me just want to burst into tears. I have even cried myself to sleep several nights in a row.

Everything is changing and I don't do change well. I am closing on my house August 24th and that means I will be moving out of my boyfriend's house. I will be living on my own for the first time ever. I will be a home owner and that is just terrifying.

My boyfriend and I have reached a crossroads in our relationship. At this point he should be able to tell me if he sees us getting married one day or if he wants children one day. And he can't. That hurts. But I know I don't have to convince anyone to marry me. One day I will find someone who thinks the sun shines out of my ass. I know that once I move out we most likely won't be together much longer.

But I still want him to act like he is going to miss me for more than the rent money I paid him. I want to feel like I was important to him and that he enjoyed our time living together. I want to know I mattered to him and I can't just be replaced easy breezy. While I know he will miss me and I know he loves me as much as he is able, he doesn't really say much about me leaving. Does it mean he doesn't care? Does it mean he wants pretend it's not really happening because he doesn't want to deal with his feelings? I don't know.

I am also trying to get a new job. I am stagnating in my current position. I dread going in to work most days because I get so bored. I really want this new position. But I am so shy around new people and interviewing is not my strong suit. I get so flustered. I can do this job and I can do it very very well. The key is getting the position. I want it so badly!

On top of that our union has renegotiated our contract. We are not getting any cost of living adjustment, our step increases have been frozen for the coming year, and to top it all off we are going to have to take furloughs (mandatory unpaid days off). Because of my income level I will be required to take 12 furloughs. I am only $14 away from having to take 14. Learning I am going to be taking about a 5% pay cut right as I am getting ready to take on the responsibility of a home owner makes me break out into a panicked sweat.

Everything is changing and changing fast for me. I am trying to take it all in stride, but part of that stride apparently is me crying my way through.

Pull the thread and the sweater unravels.

Hello my lovelies,

I know I haven't been very active lately, but my world 'in real life' has been super busy.

*My best friend is getting married in less than 4 weeks, last weekend was her bachelorette party (post on that to come...I swear!). And there are lots of little things I am trying to help her with in the coming weeks.

*I am in the process of having a house built and it is going to be completed early. So, I have been trying to get everything in order for that. Including buying a refrigerator and front loading washer/dryers (I know, my hippie is showing)

*This weekend is Relay For Life and I am the team captain and have been working feverishly to get everything in order for that.

*I work 40 hours a week

*I am applying for a developmental position that will hopefully turn into a permanent position and my application and cover letter and supplemental questions are all due on Thursday.

*Things in my personal life are difficult and have only been adding to my stress level. I am sure there will be a post on this as well, but I don't know when. I don't know when I want to share all of that.

I feel like I am juggling so many balls and I just know one is going to drop and it will all come tumbling down. I just need a second to breathe, yet I can't seem to find one.

Thanks for bearing with me!

~E

I like to watch

The Tour de France you pervs, the Tour de France!

Mind. Gutter. Out.

My love affair with the Tour began five summers ago. I had just moved back to Oregon after being in Idaho for school. My best friend and I had moved together and when we moved back we were both unemployed and living with my parents. There was nothing to watch during the day except Soap Operas and I just couldn't get into those and you could only fill out so many job applications. Then one day I turned on the TV and there was the Tour. I was hooked.

It was the Tour de France where Lance Armstrong was going for his 6th win and the following year he went for his record breaking 7th win. I was riveted. That summer during the month of July my parents were also having all the carpets in the house replaced. Watching the Tour gave me something to do while the carpet guys where there and it meant I didn't have to make small talk (something I can SUCK at) and it also was something that wasn't cheesy or embarrassing to admit I was watching. They would ask, "what are you watching?" and I would be all, "oh, you know, the Tour de France."

For some reason I was fascinated. All the jockeying and strategy. The Tour is not won by an individual, it is won by a team. Without the sacrifices of his teammates, Lance Armstrong would never have won a single Tour.

I have a whole new vocabulary...

GC: General Classification

Peloton: French for group, in cycling it means the main bunch of riders. When the main bunch splits up, there can be several pelotons.

Feed Zone: Designated riders from each team collect musettes for their teammates and pass them out.

Musette: A cloth shoulder bag handed to riders at feed zones filled with drinks and food. Fans go crazy trying to get one when riders discard them when they are finished eating.

Breakaway: When a solitary rider or group of riders pulls off the front of the main bunch. Strategy and luck have a lot to do with whether the break will arrive successfully at the finish line. If there’s a rider who’s considered dangerous in the overall classification, the other teams will collaborate to bring the breakaway back. But sometimes if a rider is so far down in the overall standings or if the main bunch is too tired to work, a strong breakaway can survive to fight for the victory.

Drafting: It’s easier to ride behind someone else than to ride at the front breaking through the air mass, so riders will take turns cutting the wind and then save energy riding on the wheel of the bike directly in front of them.

The Tour is 23 days long and the competitors ride everyday but 2. There are flat stages, mountain stages, and time trials. And...

LANCE ARMSTRONG IS BACK THIS YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There are two US sponsored teams, Team Columbia and Team Garmin, but they are made up of riders from around the world. Lance Armstrong used to ride with Team Columbia, which was known as Team Discovery Channel and prior to that Team US Postal Service. This year, Lance (we are on a first name basis) is riding for Team Astana this year and it is a team based out of Kazakhstan. I love watching Lance ride, he is such an amazing rider and so aware of everything that is going on around him.

But my absolute favorite rider is Big George Hincapie.

Photo by Ken Conley

He is currently participating in his 14th Tour. He is only 2 away from tying the record. While he has never won a Tour, he was Lance's right hand man in every Tour he won. This year they are on different teams and I wonder what that is like. George Hincapie is simply a great rider and a true team player.

Am I aware that this makes me a nerd. Yes, the nerdiest. And I am okay with that. Now, I must go, the finish for today's stage is just about upon us...

Happy cycling!

Flashback Friday - Family Vacation the end!

Yea for Flashback Friday! Here is the final installment of the family vacation saga. I have also included photos for your viewing pleasure. And as always, stop by ScaryMommy's blog since Flashback Friday is all her idea.



Originally posted on myspace on 12/8/07


Family vacations are always fun

I am home. We all made it alive and in one piece. There were tears and there was laughter and overall some great memories were made and some not so great photos were taken ;)

Disembarking the boat was similar to a giant cattle call. We waited in our cabins for our section to be called, then we were ushered off the ship and into the customs line. Somehow my family managed to get into the line with the slowest customs agent ever! Both lines on either side of us were flowing and ours was at a standstill. Seriously all he has to do is say...anything to declare? any fruits or vegetables?, no, okay. And then we would all be off and running. We were only technically out of the country for one day, what do you think I did in one day. I had to get back on the ship anyway after being out of the country and they were super strict on what we could and could not bring back on board. (I am still a little confused as to why I was not allowed to bring a small pocket knife on board but at dinner they would give me a serrated steak knife, um, ok.)

After customs, make our way to the airport in LA with a brief stop at my Aunt Kerry's to say hi. We return our rented minivan, oh yeah, don't be hatin', we was big pimpin' style in the minivan. A minor dispute occurs between Sam and myself, while trying to fill up the gas tank before dropping off the van We get back to the rental agency and grab the shuttle to the airport. On a side note, my dad turned into a freaky California drive and I was in fear for my life once or twice while driving in the chaotic LA traffic.

Our first flight from LA to Vegas is a on time and we are looking good to get home on schedule. We land in Vegas as expected and then we begin out short layover before heading out on the last leg of our journey. On the flight from LA to Vegas, Alex made a friend with the guy sitting next to him on the plane. He was visiting Vegas for several days to catch a boxing match, he had come all the way from the United Kingdom...that is some serious dedication to your sport.

Our flight from Vegas to Eugene was slightly delayed by about 45 minutes but other than that our return trip was much less eventful than the trip down, (thank you sweet baby Jesus).

Finally around 2:30am we reach my parents' house. My mom turns to me and says, "So, are you staying here tonight?" Are you freaking kidding me?! I have just been with all of you for the last 8 days. I am so close to my own bed and my own home that I can taste it. I do not want to wake up tomorrow and have to look any of you people...no offense.

As much as I complained about this "family vacation", I had a great time, it was fun to be able to spend this time with my family. But ultimately, I am most grateful to be home. You cannot truly appreciate your home until you are unable to be in your comfort zone. Jack was so excited to see me and I was thrilled to see him (and yes, he does lokk super fabulous in his poncho!) My cats seemed happy to see me and both slept with me throughout the night. And above all I am really happy to be sleeping in a bed that does not rock back and forth!


This was the cabin my brothers and I shared for a week. And we are all still alive. You should be very impressed!


CATALINA ISLAND

What have I gotten myself into?


Isn't my brother Alex just precious :)


Hey boys, over here!


Aren't they funny...

DISNEYLAND - Happiest place on earth?

The Parentals


Alex, Me, Sam waiting in line


That's my family. All in line at Disneyland, smile people!

I have a soapbox and today it is called Feminism

First let me say, I am a feminist. This is not a dirty word. It doesn’t mean I hate men. It simply means that I believe there should be equality between the sexes. I think the patriarchal foundation of our society needs to be questioned and rocked. We should not all be sheep who simply go along with everything that is fed to us everyday by society through the media and bureaucracies and institutions that mold us into contributing members of society. I don’t think men should be pushed down so that woman can get ahead. Neither of us should be oppressed. Oppressing men so women can succeed, is still oppression and wrong. And when I say I think there needs to be equality between the sexes, I mean the good and the bad. If men have to register for the draft, then so should women, etc etc. Yes, I shave my armpits and legs (though I did struggle with this for a long time). I like to wear make-up and feel pretty. I like to feel feminine. But I don’t think my femaleness should somehow make me less than.

The other day at work I was called a girl.

This irritated me more than I probably should have let it, but whatever.

I am not a girl. While I may look like I am barely 16, I am a full fledged adult. I am a woman.

It sounds silly when I say that, but I AM a woman. I am not an old woman or even a middle aged woman. I am a young woman, although I can see 30 from where I sit. I can legally vote and drink. I am buying my first home. I pay all my bills. I am self sufficient. I am NOT a girl.

While the woman who referred to me as a girl meant no malice or insult, I still found it insulting. Yes, she is older than I am and may even have children who are close to me in age. But I am not her child and in the work place I am her co-worker and peer. In fact I am a higher classification than she is and I have more seniority. I am not trying to sound bitchy, it is just so frustrating.

There is no way to bring attention to this issue without it coming off as my being a whiny kid. Which is exactly what I am trying to NOT be perceived as.

Too often we throw out language and don’t think about the connotation of the word we chose or how the recipient will interpret it.

Girl:
1 a: a female child from birth to adulthood b: DAUGHTER c: a young unmarried woman dsometimes offensive : a single or married woman of any age
2 a: SWEETHEART bsometimes offensive : a female servant or employee

I know you may be reading these definitions and be thinking well, you could be a girl. Except we no longer live in society where young women are expected to get married or marriage somehow makes a person more of an adult. Does being married a 28 make someone less of girl than myself who is not married at 28? No.

I also cringe when I am referred to as a guy or a group of women are referred to as guys. I am not a guy. Guy is a masculine term and I am not male. By referring to me as a guy or a group of woman as guys, it erases our gender, our femaleness. It singles us out as “others” we are not the norm, which is male. How would a group of men feel if someone walked up to them and said, “Hey gals!” And I hate when people are referred to as guys and girls.

The terms guys and girls are not equitable. Guys and gals, boys and girls, ladies and gentlemen, men and women, these are the correct pairings. By calling people guys and girls there is a subconscious inferiority of females inferred.

I don’t think people are deliberately offensive or trying to create inferiority. I try to believe people generally mean well. But language is so important and people just don’t pay attention. The issue is not whether someone intended an insult, but whether or not an insult was perceived. Ignorance is not an excuse. People need to be aware of the impact of their words.

Think of all the degrading names for men or people who show weakness:
Pussy
Wuss
Sissy
Pansy Ass
Acting like a little girl
Throw like a girl
Scream like a girl

All of these have a negative connotation with being female in some capacity and that being feminine is not to be desired. What is wrong with being female? We make up more than 50% of the world’s population! Did you know that all fetuses start out as female and begin to develop as female in the first few weeks? (ok, that is a simplification and technically the sex is determined at conception with the melding of XX or XY chromosomes, but prior to the influence of testosterone the fetus goes along as female) That is why men have nipples, the body was preparing to be female and starting the process of creating mammaries. But the XY combination releases hormones early on to stimulate male development. (Of course there is a lot more to it and I don’t have all day to explain)

I am also a fluent Spanish speaker so I am aware that English is not the only sexist language. Most of the “romance” languages are extremely sexist. A whole gaggle of people could be hanging out together and there is only one male in the whole group and the rest are female, but when referring to the group the masculine form is used. I get that. But it doesn’t make it okay or right or any less oppressive.

If you made it all the way to the bottom of this and don’t want to send me hate mail…Yea for you! I am now stepping off of my soapbox and going back to work :)

Butt Dialing ruins all the fun!

My Weekend:

*woke up as Mike was leaving for the day and night

*took a shower (serious accomplishment, I know)

*got dressed

*headed over to my parents' house so I could take them to the airport (they are going to Sitka Alaska for a friend's impromptu wedding), but stopped at Starbucks on the way...hello, I NEEDED my coffee

*after dropping my parents off I went and did some retail therapy
-I bought a bike helmet so my brain stays safe in my skull. And discovered that I have a small head and needed to purchase a YOUTH helmet because the adult helmet was waaaay too loose. Awesomeness-not
-I hit up Old Navy because they were having a great sale, got a couple tank tops and sweatshirt thingy
-I went to Macy's and got some fun new Mac eye make-up, woo hoo and while I was there I figured I should see about getting a new beige bra (my all time favorite beige bra that I wore under all my white tops, broke :(, the underwire snapped in half the other day and it is not fun to have underwire pinching and jabbing you in the boob) so I found a new bra I liked.

*After that excitement I came home and hung out with the boys, Shadow and Jackie, then I decided to experiment with my new eye shadow.

*Later I got dressed for the girls night, I did my new eye make-up, put on a black tank and headed out. Black was the color of the night apparently.

*Celebrated Andrea's 32nd birthday with booze, good food, and cake. The talk revolved around queefing, being crafty in attempts to have sex after children, pooping with children, constipation while pregnant, pooping after giving birth to children and some of our desire to NEVER have children after these talks. I know classy right. It was super fabulous, it's okay to be jealous.

*Oh yeah and I forgot my ID so I had to use my passport to prove I was of legal drinking age. Super awesome! Yeah, I am not positive why my passport was in my purse either, but hey it's good to be prepared in case you have to leave the country in a hurry.

*We had all decided to head out to the Rocking Rodeo or as I affectionately call it...The Hodeo. But in the course of that discussion Andrea butt dialed her husband who heard the whole conversation about going out dancing and drinking at the Hodeo. He called her back and was all angry because she had said we were all just going out to dinner and nothing about dancing. Complete buzz kill.

*Headed home and read my book for awhile, then super tired headed to bed. I opted not to remove my eye make-up or any of my make up as it was almost 2am when I was climbing into bed, not ever a good idea or good for my face.

*This morning at 5:45 am my dogs spotted a squirrel outside on the fence, little fucker!, and they went completely ape shit trying to get him. Even though they were inside and he was outside. It scared the crap out of me! I then had to go around and close all the curtains and blinds on the french doors so they could no longer see outside.

*Since I was up I decided to pee, I am a morning pee-er and would have been up in an hour to pee anyway. As I walked into the bathroom, I glanced in the mirror and it looked like someone had punched me in both eyes. It wasn't pretty. So then I decided to wash my face.

*When my face was clean and moisturized I crawled back into bed and promptly fell back asleep.

*It is now about 1:30, I have been up for about 4 hours yet I remain in my pajamas. Mike is not home yet but should be in about 1.5 hours. I will make sure I am dressed by then.

*Until then I am simply enjoying my lazy Sunday afternoon and tonight I will be enjoying a new episode of True Blood.

I hope you all had a great weekend, I know I did. And it's a short work week since I have Friday off in honor of the 4th!

Tomorrow is my birthday!

Today is my last day as a 27 year old.

My last birthday I was pretty panicked, the mere thought of turning 27 had me freaked out. I know, I know, 27 is nothing and there was no reason for me to be so stressed and generally I don't care about getting older, it is part of life. In fact I am looking forward to celebrating my dirty thirty. But with 27, I felt like I wasn't where I expected to be. And I felt like now I was really supposed to be a REAL grown up (whatever the hell that means). It was time to stop messing around.

Well, tomorrow I turn a whopping 28. I have no aversion to turning 28. I am actually looking forward to this new year. This last year I settled more and become more comfortable with where I am in life and who I am. I will get where I am supposed to be when I get there.

I have a job I like (I don't love it, let's not get crazy here!) I am in the process of buying my very first house ALL ON MY OWN! It will be all mine. It is terrifying and exciting all at the same time. I am comfortable with where I am in my romantic relationship and I am also sure in what I want eventually and what I am not willing to settle for or give up on.

So, here is saying goodbye to my 27th year and all the angst I felt going into it and welcoming in my 28th year and all my hopes and dreams I have for it!

Dental Floss blows and I don't mean the thong kind

I know Flashback Friday is tomorrow and for all my devoted readers who are anxiously awaiting another installment of the 'Family Vacation' (that would be all of you, you're all devoted to me, right? RIGHT?!) there is another one planned for tomorrow. But since I went to the dentist this week, I thought this post was fitting and still true...

Originally posted Dec 2008 on Myspace:

I went to the dentist this week. I dislike going to the dentist. Now I don't dislike the dentist because they poke and prod and scrape my teeth. I don't dislike it because my mouth is sore afterwards. Actually I don't mind the teeth cleaning at all, sometimes I even start to fall asleep as I am sitting in the chair. And of course you get presents when you go the dentist, new tooth brushes, tooth paste, and floss.

The reason I don't like the dentist is flossing. I hate flossing, it kind of grosses me out. I have short stumpy fingers and it can be hard to get to those "hard to reach places". And I really only floss when something gets stuck between my teeth.

But every time I go to the freaking dentist they ask me if I have been flossing. Have I ever been flossing regularly? In all the years I have gone there, every six months when I come in, has my answer EVER been yes?! NO! Because I hate flossing. Hate it, hate it, hate it!

Always after I answer no (I have considered just telling them yes, but they can tell once they start working on my teeth that I am lying) I then get a lecture on why flossing is so important. And that I should really make an effort to do it. And when I am older I will appreciate that I flossed when I was younger. Blah blah blah bablah. I get it already.

I am not 10. I am a grown up with my own damn health insurance and if I don't want to floss then I really don't have to. If one day, when I am 80 and my teeth rot out of my head and it is all due to the lack of flossing in my youth, then I give the dentist full permission to say, "I told you so." Until then, shut the hell up and stop lecturing me on flossing.

So, that is why I hate going to the dentist. But I do have a cool new toothbrush (and another package of floss to add to the ever growing collection in my bathroom drawer).

What's that smell?

I am home sick today :( The past few days I have just been feeling off and not very well. I ended up leaving work early yesterday and sleeping all afternoon. And today I decided to not even go into work.

Being sick blows. You aren't at work but you can't really do anything exciting or fun because you don't feel well and lack the motivation and energy to do anything.

I was sitting here, reading blogs and checking email and yelling at my dogs who wouldn't stop barking and I kept getting whiffs of this smell. I kept trying to figure out where it was coming from...did I need to wash the blankets on the couch, did I need to wash my dog who was curled up next to me? Then I realized what smelled, it was ME!

Since I have been sick I didn't shower yesterday and then I hadn't showered today either. Also I had been running a slight fever and once it broke I was all sweaty. It is never fun to realize that the unpleasant odor you are detecting is actually coming from yourself!

Needless to say, I have showered now and no longer stink, but I still feel crappy.

I like drinks with umbrellas

For Memorial Day weekend I went camping. Now, before I say anything else, let me say that I had a good time. I had fun and did not hate any of it (okay except the part where I swallowed a bug, could have TOTALLY done without that). In fact I would even go camping again.

I just don't happen to be a camper, my family never really went camping. I don't take the initiative to plan a camping trip, I don't want to have to figure out the details. I don't own a tent or a sleeping bag. I only own a camping chair because I needed one for a birthday party out at a park. God help us all if I am in charge of food for a camping trip! Unless it's the s'mores 'cause I have that down to an art!

I don't really understand the appeal of camping. You pack everything you already have at home and head off into the wilderness where you will set up a tent aka shelter...which you had at home. Start a fire for warmth and possibly to act as your stove...have both of those at home. During the twilight hours you are fighting off bugs and spraying yourself down with toxins so you don't get bitten...yeah, if I was home, in my house - no bugs.

Birds wake you up at the freaking crack of dawn or small children with whistles, whatevs (oh, did I mention I am also not a morning person and I happen to be the lightest freaking sleeper ever). The nights are so cold you huddle around the fire trying to get warm and then the smoke blows in your face, awesome for asthmatics! Then you go to bed and the mere thought of getting naked to bump uglies makes you want to cry because your teeth are chattering so hard. I was in pajama pants, a long sleeve shirt and socks. I NEVER wear socks to bed.

And to add to the chill at night, I happen to be a nighttime pee-er. I typically pee 1-2 times a night. Not so awesome when you have to crawl out of your blanket cocoon, search for flip flops, try and get the flip flops on over your socks, and trek outside and decide if it is worth making the hike to the "toilets" (scary scary and smelly toilets) or just 'rough it' outside. Half asleep you have to pee without peeing on your pants (or foot) and then drip dry it is.

I also burn at the thought of direct sunlight and I don't like to swim in water I can't see the bottom of and that fish poop in.

People tell me that the appeal of camping is get away and hang with friends and/or family. That is great and I get that. I really do. But you can get away and hang with friends and family at an awesome resort with a fruity drink complete with an umbrella, shaded by palm trees, relaxing at the swim-up bar at the pool. There is indoor plumbing, meaning toilets AND showers. Climate controlled rooms, air conditioning for when it gets sweltering hot and heaters for when you start to feel the chill in the air. And real beds, not air mattresses that start to deflate during the night. That's the kind of camping I want to do ;)

But to quote my 5 year old camping buddy, Haley, when asked what was the best part of camping..."the chocolate". Now that girl has her priorities in order!

Tag 8

Alright, since The Marvelous Mrs. E tagged me and I have nothing better to do...here it is:



8 Things I'm Looking Forward to:

1. Buying my first house

2. Buying a new car

3. Jen's wedding

4. Decorating my new house

5. My birthday

6. Big Brother starting in July (don't judge me)

7. Paying off my stupid credit cards

8. Getting my first horse (it almost makes me pee my pants in excitement!)



8 Things I did yesterday:

1. Got weighed - lame

2. Got blood drawn - lame

3. Got a speeding ticket - super lame

4. Cried - awesome

5. Celebrated Mike's birthday

6. Ate dessert

7. Watched the season finale of Criminal Minds *tear*

8. Talked to my mommy




8 Things I wish I could do:

1. Not say sarcastic comments outloud before I think them through

2. Travel the world

3. Lick my own elbow - hey, this would be a cool party trick. Speaking of cool party tricks...

4. Tie a cherry stem into a knot with my tongue

5. Sign Language - besides the message I am able to convey with one finger

6. Cook like my brother

7. Go horse back riding right this minute

8. Be invisible whenever I chose


8 Shows I watch:

1. Medium - or I did until NBC cancelled it, CBS better pick it up!

2. Criminal Minds

3. True Blood

4. Big Brother - shut the hell up!

5. Deadliest Catch

6. Grey's Anatomy

7. Private Practice

8. House




8 Tags:

1. A Life of Simple Pleasure

2. Lady Jane

3. Fidgeting Gidget

4. Alyssa (I know you like to defy the blog gods, but I thought I would try)

5. Miss Rosa

6. LiLu

7. PinkNic

8. Ella Everywhere

Imaginary friends are cool and all

Do you ever have conversations with yourself? In your head? And then wonder if it was all really only in your head or if you said somethings out loud?

Yeah, me too.

I often dictate emails or responses to IMs in my head before I actually write it out. I will play out whole conversations in my mind. Usually the conversations in real life don't come close to what I imagined. Now usually, all this takes place in my mind and not out loud where anyone can hear me and conclude that I am insane. But every once in awhile I wonder...

Today I was composing an email to this guy Kyle. I trying out different phrasing and what all I wanted to say. I hadn't actually sat down at the computer to type it out. I was still working out the kinks in my mind first.

While doing this I realized I had to pee.

I head into the bathroom at work go into a stall and do my thing. The whole time I am composing my email. I come out of the stall and start washing my hands and I realize that I am not alone in the bathroom. One of the other stalls is also occupied.

Great!

I start to replay everything in the last few minutes and try to determine if I said anything out loud. I am still not convinced that the whole thing only happened in my mind.

It is quite possible that my co-worker now believes I have an imaginary friend named Kyle.

Hungry and Cranky make me fabulous to be around

Thursdays suck in the afternoon because I am so hungry I could eat an elephant. Not that I WOULD eat an elephant. I mean, they are endangered and are extrememly intelligent and recognize death and mourn their dead and bury their dead and have fascinating social networks consisting of matriarchs...

Anywasted, I am so hungry. But I refuse to eat anything after lunch because I have weigh in for Weight Watchers. And seriously, who wants to have the burrito they ate, weighing in on the scale with them? NOT ME!

Don't get me wrong, I don't starve myself. I eat breakfast and a reasonable lunch and sometimes when I am feeling super daring, I even eat my afternoon snack on Thursdays, total rebel, I know.

It's just that I am used to eating dinner around 6ish. But Weight Watchers doesn't even start until 6 and then it goes until 7 and I don't get home until 7:30. I am ravenous by then. But again, I don't want to eat right before I weigh in. I will empty my bladder and strip down to my skivvies and remove all jewelry before I step on the scale, but so help me...I will not eat right before I weigh!

Did I mention I am so hungry right now? I have been super 'good' this week too. I tracked everything I ate and stayed within my points. I don't want to mess up my weigh in.

Oh, and being hungry also has the tendency to turn me into an angry momma grizzly bear who just had her cub messed with and is looking for someone to take it out on. Just saying.

Do they make pull-ups for 27 yr olds?

I almost wet the bed this morning. No, seriously. I am almost 28 for crying out loud! Besides I was never the bed wetting kid. I was completely potty trained at 1.5, that's the only reason they let me into the preschool before I was 2. My mom and I were on a site visit and as the owner was showing us around I turned to them both and said, "I have to go potty." The lady was so impressed she allowed me to start before I turned 2...BECAUSE I WAS EFFING POTTY TRAINED!

I have been feeling less than 100% the last week or so and this morning I just couldn't do the whole "Get up and go to work all day" thing. The alarm went off and I told Mike I just couldn't go to work today. My whole body ached and my throat was scratchy. I remember thinking, I need to pee, I'll get up in a minute. Then Mike left.

The house got quiet and the dogs settled back down and I passed out again. Several hours later I remember dreaming and in my dream I was searching for a bathroom at this party I was attending. I was searching everywhere for a bathroom and finally I found one. I felt immense relief in my dream.

I headed into the bathroom, pulled my pants down, sat on the toilet and started to do my thang. I remember thinking in my dream, "Why does that door look like particle board?" When suddenly my consciousness kicked in and was all, "WHAT THE HELL?!" I wasn't in a bathroom! I was still in bed.

I jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom. I made it, but just barely. But seriously a few seconds longer and I would be washing some bedsheets today. Not cool. Not cool at all!

Yeah, it's about me :)

Adrienne straight up called me out. Now I have to do it because I can't look like pussy! Hey Adrienne, do you still dislike the word MOIST?! AH ha ha ha!

"If your reading this, pretend I've just run up to you, shouted "tag your it" and punched you in the arm so you'll do this on your blog too. Booya." (I totally stole that line from Adrienne but she did such a great job of stating it the first time. Why mess with perfection?)


1. What is your occupation right now? Overpayment writer for the state of Oregon. Basically I review food stamp and medical cases and call people Liar Liar Pants On Fire or LLPOF (la-poofs) and make them give the money back to the state if they weren't eligible for it in the first place.

2. What color are your socks right now? Dude, totally not wearing socks. I was earlier, but then I got hot (not that I am not ALWAYS smokin' hot!) and decided to wear flip flops :)

3. What are you listening to right now? Mike and Little Jon talking about putting together a computer and using power tools (insert Tool Time grunts)

4. What was the last thing that you ate? Oatmeal and coffee. I am getting back on the Weight Watchers Wagon because I keep getting fatter and that doesn't make me happy.

5. Can you drive a stick shift? pssh, yes. It is super awesome when you are learning to drive and your little brother is hysterically crying in the backseat and telling your dad that we are all going to die. Yeah, no pressure.

6. Last person you spoke to on the phone? Um...oh, my mom. We are going to look at a house I might buy this afternoon

7. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Yes, I miss Adrienne, she always made me smile.

8. How old are you today? 27, but I look about 16 and in 37 days I will be 28...plenty of time for you to get me an awesome present

9. What is your favorite sport to watch on TV? Totally nerdy, but I love watching the Tour de France...LOVE IT!

10. What is your favorite drink? Coffee, beer is a close second and I also like diet pepsi, but I am trying to stop drinking soda because it is bad for my teeth and really does nothing for me nutritionally.

11. Have you ever dyed your hair? Yes, I usually die it a more chocolately brown than I currently have.

12. Favorite food? French fries and cake...no idea why I am fat

13. What is the last movie you watched? I just went and saw "Taken" last night. I really liked it. And I am excited to see the new Star Trek movie too! Don't even think about judging me, yo!

14. Favorite day of the year? Thanksgiving. I mean really, it is a whole day dedicated to eating as much as you can, taking a nap and then eating some more. Did I mention I am a total fat kid?

15. How do you vent anger? I get super snarky and I will talk mad shit about you with my friends and I will clean and eat and then I won't be mad anymore.

16. What was your favorite toy as a child? My little ponies and my brother Sam, I took him for 'show & tell' at preschool.

17. Cherries or Blueberries? Dried or frozen, I prefer blueberries. Fresh and nummy, cherries.

18. Do you want your friends to e-mail you back? Well if I email them first and I know they read my email then yes, I want them to email me back.

19. Who is the most likely to respond? I expect you ALL to do this!

20. Who is least likely to respond? I'm not sending this to anyone. C'mon you stoopid questionnaire... get with the program. (word, what Adrienne said)

21. Living arrangements? I live with my BF - Mike and all our crazy animals. But I am hoping to buy my first house this summer. SUPER EXCITING!

22. When was the last time you cried? Like really cry? And for like, sad stuff? Um, I cried yesterday (at work, awesomeness) because I am coming to realize things aren't going to end up the way I was hoping.

23. What is on the floor of your closet? shoes and Mike's dirty clothes...apparently it is really hard to get the clothes in the actual clothes basket, even though it is RIGHT THERE!

24. Who is the friend you have had the longest that you are sending this to? I am not sending this to anyone. But my oldest friend is Mellie Jean, I have known her since I was born and she calls me Perky or PerkyErky :)

25. What did you do last night? Read a book and went to a movie. 'Cause I am exciting like that.

26. Plain, cheese, or spicy hamburgers? Cheesy yumminess in my tummy please.

27. Favorite dog breed? We always had rotties growing up so I am kinda partial to them.

28. Favorite day of the week? Thursdays, except for the part in the day where I get weighed at Weight Watchers, but otherwise Thursday because it is almost the weekend and there are good shows on that night.

29. How many states have you lived in? Just the two, Oregon and Idaho.

30. Diamonds or pearls? Yes please. Pearls are my birthstone, wink wink. And Diamonds are sparkly, I like sparkly.

31. What is your favorite flower? Roses and Lilies. So pretty.

May Day

Yes, it's May Day, but more importantly...it's my BESTEST FRIEND'S BIRTHDAY!

Her mom likes to tell her it was the one and only time she was on time for anything. May 1st being her due date. I would have to agree with her mom, but I love her anyway. She just operates on Jen-time.

She is also a smidge irked that she missed diamonds as her birthstone by one day. One freaking day! But emeralds aren't too shabby either.

I taught her how to drive. She would talk for me in large groups because she knew I hated it. I killed the moths and she killed the spiders. I am happy to let her turn a year older a whole month and half before I do so, she can tell me how she likes it and I can decide if I really want to do it too :)

Jen and I met a week before our sophomore year of college. She was the Resident Assistant and I was the Hall President (anyone who knows us now, knows this was destined to be the ultimate pairing leading toward world domination). And we were not impressed with each other. I had just driven 500 miles in 8 hours, a large portion of it on one lane highways stuck behind slow truckers. I was tired and cranky. Jen had already been in the dorm for a week prior to my arrival and I think was going a little stir crazy. The only people in the dorm that would house 50+ girls in less than week at that time were Jen and the other RA and now me.

Jen was new to the dorm and I was a "returner". She began asking me all kinds of questions about the house (our dorm was actually a co-operative and while still technically a dorm was in a house, similar to a sorority only totally NOT a sorority). She wanted to know all the house traditions and what was the cook like and how did it all work, etc etc. I just wanted in my room so I could start unloading my car. All I could think was, "Will this girl ever SHUT UP?!" and she thought "Wow, this girl is a total bitch!"

After school started there is an annual competition for all the residence halls aka dorms. It is called GDI (God Damn Independent), it was the counterpart of Greek Week on campus. We were "independent" of the Greek System. Each dorm competes against the others and a winner is named at the end of the week and gets a trophy and, more importantly, bragging rights for the year. GDI was the week Jen and I really bonded. We were both EXTREMELY competitive and determined that our dorm was going to win! P.S. we totally did!

The rest my friends is history. Jen and I lived together for 7 years from the time we first lived together. Sometimes people say you can't live with your best friend without ruining the relationship. That wasn't the case for us. We lived really well together, there was never any disputes over what belong to who, everything was just "ours".

After school I decided to move back to Oregon and Jen decided to move with me. She didn't want to stay in Idaho and I told her she could live with me. We moved back to Oregon and lived with my parents for almost a year. Then we got our own apartment. Along the way we acquired 2 kitties and a crazy scottish terrier.

Then Jen met Brad, the love of her life. It was hard for me to relinquish my spot as her number one. I had always been her other half, she was the Jen in my JenErica and I was the Erica in hers. No mere boy had ever come between us before, but Brad was different. He was "the one".

After two years in our apartment, Jen moved in with Brad. Those were some of the hardest times in our relationship. Because after 7 years of everything being a certain way it was all changing. Even though it was logical and we knew it would happen eventually it was still difficult. There were tears and fights, but we came out the other side, our friendship still solid and going strong.

This august Jen and Brad will be getting married and I am so excited for them. I am also lucky enough to get be by Jen's side as her maid of honor. This august will also mark 9 years that we have been friends.

We turned 21 together, we graduated college together, we turned 25 together! We even work together (how sick is that?!) I am excited for us to experience marriage and babies and grandbabies and retirement together. Because I know that is how long Jen and I will be friends.

So, today on her birthday, I want to wish her the happiest birthday yet and I know there will be many more to come!

Happy 28th Birthday, Jen! I love you!



Best friends

No we have NOT been drinking! Why do you ask?

We love the 80's!

Thousand Word Thursday

Completely blocking out the people sitting behind me on the ride while my youngest brother, Alex, has an identical expression as me and my middle brother, Sam, makes it look like his hands belong to Alex, all while trying to not fall out of the "log".

This picture makes me laugh everytime I look at it!