Friday, February 27, 2009

Karma is a bigger bitch than I could ever be.

Mailing a package you have been meaning to mail for months: $11.06

Buying new tires for your car: $599.00

Seeing the whore's, who fucked your boyfriend, car completely smashed up one year to the day of catching them in the act: PRICELESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Karma, gotta love her!

As I drove to Les Schwab to get new tires I glanced down the street where Whoreface works (okay, okay, I glance down this street every time I drive by it, which would be everyday whenever I go ANYWHERE). And what do I see? I see a police car with its lights flashing and two cars parked on the side of the road where I know Whoreface parks everyday for work, and a gaggle of people standing around.

Apparently a guy in a big truck somehow smashed into the back of the Mazda3 hatchback and hit it with such force that the back window completely shattered and shove that car into the back of Whoreface's precious Acura RSX (can someone please explain to me why the smallest cars are always driven by the fattest people? I mean really, I'm fat and I know I shouldn't be trying to stuff my big booty into a teeny tiny sportscar).

I drop my car off at Les Schwab to get new tires, hop into Mike's Xterra and tell him about the police cars. I convince him to circle the parking lot twice to try and get a better view of the damage without being noticed by the troll aka Whoreface. I was just barely able to make out that the Mazda had in fact hit her car.

Then as we were leaving the parking lot we had to drive by the do it yourself carwash. There are 3 police cars there, all blocking in the aforementioned truck. His bumper was all mangled and had fallen off and he was in the process of being arrested. He did not chose his "hiding" place very well.

I chuckled every time I thought about it. Well an hour goes by and Les Schwab calls to tell me my car is finished. Mike and I head over to pick it up and decide to come the back way and drive down the street Whoreface just happens to work on and just happens to be where her car was hit...At this point everyone has gone back inside, the police cars have left and the totaled Mazda has been towed away, but there is Whoreface's car. The back end all smashed in, her vanity plate (DVN MSM, barf!) all crumpled and hanging off. AH HA HA HA HA! After Mike drops me off and I pay for my new tires I decide to drive by one more time, I just want one more good laugh and that is when I see the flatbed tow truck. Her car was hit so hard it had to be TOWED!

So to fully understand my sheer utter delirium over this tragic event, there is some background info regarding my relationship with Mike.

Our road has not always been smooth and easy. We have hit some serious potholes and gone the wrong way on a one way street. When we first started dating neither of us was really looking for anything serious, we just wanted someone fun to hang out with and have a good time with. In fact we were both dating other people as well. Cool, whatever, neither of us had made a commitment to the other one.

Right before Christmas I told him I was interested in seeing only him and him only seeing me. I knew about Whoreface and I was getting ready to end things with the other guy I was seeing. Well mid January rolls around and I ask Mike about everything and he tells me he has thought about it and wants to just date me too and is going to break things off with Whoreface. Well it turns out this wasn't quite the case.

February rolls around and I am just not feeling good vibes about Mike and Whoreface and them really being "over". Something was just off. One night I turn to my best friend and roommate at the time and tell her something is wrong and I just have to go Mike's, it's almost 11pm on a work night. The whole way over I am praying I am just crazy and making myself paranoid, but I turn the corner and there is Whoreface's car in the driveway. It was a crushing blow. After talking to Jen I calm down enough to call Mike, I left a few choice words on his voicemail. He eventually calls me back and after a long emotional conversation he finally admits to sleeping with her.

I am not one of those women who only blames the other woman. Mike is grown adult and just as much, if not more so, at fault for what happened. And I know Mike was lying to her about his relationship with me so I blame him for this incident. He wanted his cake and to eat it too.

Whoreface and I talked and cleared some things up between the two of us and what was really going on. She said some hurtful things to me and I landed some low blows of my own and eventually we both realized Mike was the real asshole in the equation.

Drama drama drama...I end things with Mike.

Some time passes and Mike and I start talking again and decide to give it another try and we both make it clear from the beginning this time that we are only seeing each other. This is when Whoreface becomes Whoreface. Oh and I feel it is important to say that Mike feels the need to be friends with everyone he has ever slept with or at least be on semi decent terms with everyone, great, fine, whatever, sometimes you just have to cut people out, unless you are Mr. Nice Guy Who Wants Everyone To Like Me Mike. This also means that Mike won't simply tell Whoreface to FUCK OFF.

She now knows that Mike and I are back on and this is when the sneaky manipulative girl that lives in all of us rears her ugly head. She starts to send him text messages...all while she is drunk of course and "I can't remember what I did last night" or she sends him links in his email that she "just knew he would think were hilarious". When he responds to these and engages her, she takes these as signs of encouragement. She starts talking to him more regularly on IM and is quite flirty and Mike being Mike is flirty back. She starts to send more and more inappropriate texts "my boobs miss you" and actual photos of her boobs (of course she claims to not remember sending these because she was drinking...bitch please, we all know your game, well everyone except the gullible guy who naively thinks he is smarter and sneakier and trickier than women). The last straw for me was when she sent him a whole crapload of racy photos of herself in lingerie she had professionally is also important to keep in mind that she is maybe 5'2" on a tall day and pushing easily 275 lbs, she ain't a little girl.

Mike and I had several all out fights regarding her and his continued engagement and communication with her. Finally he simply stopped responding to her texts and emails and IMs and surprise surprise we haven't heard from her in awhile. And to give Mike credit, he really did shape up when we decided to give it another try, he does his best to reassure me and not add to my insecurities. We now live together and he tells me he loves everyday. I believe he is committed to me and this relationship, hell, he is introducing me to his mother tomorrow (gulp). He messed up and he messed up big time and he knows this. He also knows that this is his one big mistake, he doesn't get more do overs. And Whoreface is just a sore loser, she did all of that because she didn't win and if she couldn't be happy then she would try and make everyone else miserable too.

So, today on the one year anniversary (it is a curse at times to remember numbers and dates so well) of catching Mike and Whoreface, it gaves me immense joy to see her precious car all smashed up.

Thank you, Karma, you are the biggest bitch around. And I swear, I always return my cart at the grocery store!


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