Wednesday, December 23, 2009

It must be in the water

My best friend got married in August.

My best friend from high school just got engaged last month.

A coworker turned good friend got engaged two weeks ago.

A great friend from college became engaged this past weekend.

Another friend from college is getting married on the 30th.

My brother and his fiancé are getting married this April.

Is anyone else sensing a theme? Yeah, me too.

I can taste my envy. But it doesn’t mean I am not still super excited for everyone. I am. I just want to have that too. My heart hurts when I hear the excitement from my friends. I want it so badly. But I am still so happy for all of them and I swallow my yearning, plaster a smile on my face and become their biggest cheerleader! Because my joy for them has nothing to do with my own desires. Even as my heart aches for me, it swells with elation for all of them!

I want to get married, have the stress and excitement of planning a wedding, the thrill of trying on dresses, and the yumminess of cake tasting. But most importantly I want to start building and creating a life and future with my partner. I want to have children and create our own memories and traditions. I want to have setbacks and overdrawn checking accounts and grey hairs caused by our children and the stress they bring, but still know that we love each other and can weather these storms.

Mike and I have been together a little over 2 years. They have not always been the smoothest two years and we have had to overcome several MAJOR obstacles. We have lived together and apart. And we love each other.

There have been times when I thought...we will get married one day, I just need to give him time. And then there have been moments where I thought...we will never get married and I need to just cut my losses already (my ovaries aren’t getting any younger!).

But relationships are complicated. When you think you will be together forever something happens and rattles your confidence. Other times you are convinced your relationship is entering its final act, but you’re so wrong. Relationships are never simple, easy to explain, things. Especially when people’s emotions are involved.

This past weekend, at the Santa Pub Crawl I had a little bit to drink. A smidge if you will. And I drunkenly asked Mike if he thought we were going to get married. Without hesitation he replied, "Yes." **

Wha...’scuse me? How much did I drink?!

Let’s just say that Mike is not the poster child for commitment. He is committed now, but it was a journey. And in the past whenever I have asked him about marriage or the future, he has hemmed and hawed and the subject was quickly changed.

When he answered yes without even thinking, my aching heart gave a little lurch.

Who knows what will happen or when/if we will get married or engaged. But knowing that it is something Mike has thought about and sees happening, has my heart smiling and hoping.

**Mike clarified that that was NOT a marriage proposal :)


Lisa said...

There are some relationships that fair better without the "marriage" label. Don't rush it... it will come in due time. Sounds like you have someone to love & cuddle with, enjoy that pre-newlywed phase, my fellow SITSta :-)

V said...

Merry Christmas from sits:) Enjoy the many blessings!

Lin said...

Ha ha, I know how you feel. I was with the hubs 2 1/2 years before he proposed. We always knew we wanted to get married but it was the 'when' that was up in the air. Finally I just brought it up & told him that I wasnt going to date him for 8 years, I needed to get married or move on. He bought the ring a month later & proposed on Christmas. I'm sure you'll wear him down with time...good luck & congrats ;)

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