Monday, January 25, 2010

It’s not me, it’s you…no really it’s me

I had a “People of Wal Mart” experience this weekend. Except it’s not that I saw someone who qualified for a photo…I was the person of Wal Mart!  Or at least my own version of this phenomenon.

I wasn’t wearing gold leggings with knee high space boots and I didn’t have rolls hanging out of my shirt or over the top of my pants.

But still…

It was Saturday morning and my dog woke me up at the butt crack of dawn, also known as 8:00am.

He was full of energy and refused to go back to bed, even after I let him out to go potty and fed him.  Geez, what more did he want from me?!

So, I finally gave in and decided to take him for a nice long brisk walk.  We had a great walk, it was a beautiful sunny morning and as Jackie and I walked around the neighborhood the fog slowly lifted from surrounding hills and the crisp chill air was invigorating.

Once we got back to the house I went to make coffee only to realize I was out of half & half and I also remembered I was almost out of toilet paper. Like, one wipe was all I had left.

Half & half and toilet paper, hello, those are ESSENTIALS!  Essentials I tell you!

So, I made the decision to run to Wal Mart quickly and grab my essentials.  A quick in and out trip.  Since I had not had my morning dose of crack caffeine, I was not prepared to get completely ready for the day. 

As I am heading back to the dairy section of Wal Mart I realize OMG I am my own personal version of a “person of Wal Mart”. I was make-up less and wearing my sweatpants and sweatshirt from my walk earlier with Jackie.  My hair up in a ponytail with my sunglasses shoved atop my head. It was all that glamorous.

I was also braless.

Now, before everyone collectively gasps in horror that I was in public without an over the shoulder boulder holder, let me just say that I am not a “well endowed” woman.  I can often go without a bra and no one can tell, especially when I have a hoodie on.  When I say I am a B-cup I am being generous.  But the point is, being braless only added to the classiness that was my ensemble.

I picked up my pace, grabbed my half & half and tp and raced toward the checkout.  Then as I was checking out I realized several things: 1. Real “People of Wal Mart” aren’t awake this early on a Saturday! 2. “People of Wal Mart” aren’t rocking the Ugg boots and Dooney & Burke purse! **

Pssh, I was golden. Bring it Wal Mart. I’m not afraid of you

**yeah I know I sound completely shallow and materialistic, but let me have it okay. It’s my coping mechanism for my shame!


Smart Ass Sara said...

Oh honey, we've all done that! LOL! Except I am a D cup so when I go braless I may as well be topless because really? No shirt is hiding the boulders. :)

"And so our stories go..." said...

I went to the 7-11 one time with hairdye in my hair...and ran into an old boyfriend. What was the cause...cigarettes...that's why I gave them up years ago.
Walmart braless rules.

Lin said...

LOL, your hilarious!

I've totally done this. The hubs wont even go with me to the store if I'm in yoga pants & a hoodie because he's afraid I'll end up on the-people-of-walmart website. Given, my yoga pants are known to give a camel toe effect & my hoodie is pretty old.

Jo said...

I'm terrified that one day I'll be looking at myself on that site.

Kristin said...

I was thinking...that's not so bad...until I saw the word braless. Ah ha ha

DysFUNctional Mom said...

You put the K in Klassy! ;o)

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