Wednesday, May 27, 2009

I like drinks with umbrellas

For Memorial Day weekend I went camping. Now, before I say anything else, let me say that I had a good time. I had fun and did not hate any of it (okay except the part where I swallowed a bug, could have TOTALLY done without that). In fact I would even go camping again.

I just don't happen to be a camper, my family never really went camping. I don't take the initiative to plan a camping trip, I don't want to have to figure out the details. I don't own a tent or a sleeping bag. I only own a camping chair because I needed one for a birthday party out at a park. God help us all if I am in charge of food for a camping trip! Unless it's the s'mores 'cause I have that down to an art!

I don't really understand the appeal of camping. You pack everything you already have at home and head off into the wilderness where you will set up a tent aka shelter...which you had at home. Start a fire for warmth and possibly to act as your stove...have both of those at home. During the twilight hours you are fighting off bugs and spraying yourself down with toxins so you don't get bitten...yeah, if I was home, in my house - no bugs.

Birds wake you up at the freaking crack of dawn or small children with whistles, whatevs (oh, did I mention I am also not a morning person and I happen to be the lightest freaking sleeper ever). The nights are so cold you huddle around the fire trying to get warm and then the smoke blows in your face, awesome for asthmatics! Then you go to bed and the mere thought of getting naked to bump uglies makes you want to cry because your teeth are chattering so hard. I was in pajama pants, a long sleeve shirt and socks. I NEVER wear socks to bed.

And to add to the chill at night, I happen to be a nighttime pee-er. I typically pee 1-2 times a night. Not so awesome when you have to crawl out of your blanket cocoon, search for flip flops, try and get the flip flops on over your socks, and trek outside and decide if it is worth making the hike to the "toilets" (scary scary and smelly toilets) or just 'rough it' outside. Half asleep you have to pee without peeing on your pants (or foot) and then drip dry it is.

I also burn at the thought of direct sunlight and I don't like to swim in water I can't see the bottom of and that fish poop in.

People tell me that the appeal of camping is get away and hang with friends and/or family. That is great and I get that. I really do. But you can get away and hang with friends and family at an awesome resort with a fruity drink complete with an umbrella, shaded by palm trees, relaxing at the swim-up bar at the pool. There is indoor plumbing, meaning toilets AND showers. Climate controlled rooms, air conditioning for when it gets sweltering hot and heaters for when you start to feel the chill in the air. And real beds, not air mattresses that start to deflate during the night. That's the kind of camping I want to do ;)

But to quote my 5 year old camping buddy, Haley, when asked what was the best part of camping..."the chocolate". Now that girl has her priorities in order!


Al said...

im with you! drinks with umbrellas over bugs floating in your drinks!!

Miss Rosa said...

So with you. Camping was good as a teenager ... a way to spend a night away with friends. Now, I'd rather get a hotel.

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Gabby said...

I could have written this myself! I don't see the allure in camping. Although I really like s'mores.

Kade Boteh Makeup Artist said...

I loved camping as a kid/teenager and I want to try it again, but I can't get over the thoughts in the back of my head that tell me I'm bound to get mauled, sprayed or chased by something. I didn't have those thoughts as a child. I guess I'd rather go to a resort as

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