Monday, May 18, 2009

You might be a douchebag...

if...

*You pull out in front of me on the street and cause me to slow way down and THERE IS NO ONE BEHIND ME! Asshole.

*You get into the passing lane and DON'T FUCKING PASS the car in the other lane. Asshole.

*You refuse to drive the EFFING SPEED LIMIT. Asshole.

*You throw a fit at the cash register because your Subway sandwich wasn't one of the $5 footlongs and you want the deal anyway. You picked the sandwich and failed to look at the menu board. Idiot.

*You talk to me like I am idiot while I am trying to buy golf clubs and don't know what I am doing and have actually asked you questions...SINCE IT'S YOUR FUCKING JOB!

*You deliberately park in more than one space so no one else can park too close and scratch you car. This makes me want to key your car!

*You drive a huge truck and insist on parking face out. And in the process manage to hold up the rest of us.

There are many many more ways someone might be a douchebag. These all happened today or in the not too distant past. Please add to my list below.

10 comments:

Miss Rosa said...

Uh ...

if you already have a girlfriend and then you get another one ... and try to keep 'em both ... asshole!

By the way, your FIRST example happens WAY too often. WTF is wrong with people? THERE'S NO ONE BEHIND ME AND I HAD TO BRAKE, ASSHOLE!

Ella Everywhere said...

i agree about your first example, it pisses me off so much!

Lady Jane said...

I agree with ALL of them, especially the Subway one!!

E said...

I noticed most of them had to do with cars and driving, hmm....oh well :)

Elizabeth Marie said...

The Subway one totally gets me.

May I add-
You are a douchebag if you send a picture of your muscley, douchebaggie chest to me and a list of 5 other girls, including my best friend, and in the text we can see that you sent it to all of us.

This just happened. We banished him to douchie island.

E said...

Elizabeth Marie: OMG! Definitely required to be banished to douchie island! He sounds like a douche and an idiot.

LiLu said...

Oh lord... I do NOT miss driving! Not one lil' bit. You are spot on with these!

Mrs. C said...

ahhh it's my morning commute!

Selectively Bitchy said...

Good post... though I'm sure we could provide you with volumes on this topic.

resplendentlife said...

Oh, your number one is one of my hugest pet peeves!!!!!!
Why? Why? Why?
Just stopped by to say welcome to SITS!!! This is a great post and I have one more to add...

You might be a douchebag if you buy an assload of groceries and stand idly by while the cashier rings them all up and then, when she finally totals up your purchases, you pull out a CHECKBOOK and START writing the check. Come on, people!! You could have filled in the date, name of the store and signed the check by now and just wrote in the amount!!!

 
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